Waking Dreams
by Aria2302
Summary: Fire runs faster than you could ever imagine. When it first starts it crackles along at a creeping pace, reaching from grass to leaf to twig. But suddenly, it will leap for the sky. Suddenly the ground and trees and skies are only fire, and you find yourself running for your life. And then I died, how many times are you going to make me repeat it? [Hiei/OC]
1. Chapter 1 - Running

Author's Note: Be patient with me as I venture once again into Fan Fiction. I used to write a lot when I was younger but it was all terrible. I got this idea while commuting home one day from work, and decided to start writing. Several chapters later I wrote a nearly complete outline for the story, and now I just need your help and encouragement to make it real. Here goes!

One-time Disclaimer: I own nothing but my socks.

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><p>I had somehow never imagined myself sitting in a therapists' office. The room smelled like antiseptic, and there was only very generic and "peaceful" art on the walls; geese flying over misty lakes and all that. I had a variety of chairs to choose from in the small room, while my therapist sat in the lounger in the corner. I tried to tuck myself into the far corner of the leather sofa, with my feet tucked under my legs. He could probably deduce something from my choice of chair: far away from you, I don't want to be here.<p>

My therapist was a strange man; sharp brown eyes behind thick glasses and hair that refused to stay flattened on the sides. He wore only grey clothing today, and seemed to fade into the background if I wasn't looking directly at him. Maybe if I didn't look at him I could pretend that I was just talking to myself in this room – nope not in therapy, just crazy.

I was so busy talking to myself in my head I missed what he said.

"I'm sorry, can you repeat that?" Dear sir, I wasn't listening to your boring and monotonous voice. Please kill me now.

"I said, what do you remember?"

A terribly innocuous questions, but one that struck to the heart of the issue, because what I remembered made no sense, no matter how many times I reviewed it in my head. I swam around in my memories for a moment, and picked a place to start.

"On September 1st, I left for California for the summer…"

_Mornings were never really my forte. At the completely unreasonable hour of four a.m., my alarm clock started chirping merrily on the nightstand. I fumbled around in the dark quickly, trying to silence it before it woke anyone up. A few moments too late, a large arm snaked its way around my waist, and I could feel warm breath on my neck._

"_Don't go…" a sleepy voice whined. I chuckled a little, and pried my fiancé's arm up just enough to slip out from underneath._

_ "You'll barely notice I'm gone," I replied with a quick kiss. "You'll be at work every day." A little more whining later he was fast asleep, and I was working my way to full wakefulness with a cup of coffee. Packing for my "business trips" was always an interesting expedition that I procrastinated starting until the morning of departure. _

_I was headed to California to fight wildfires, and anything I wanted with me had to fit into a single duffle bag and my wildfire pack. Phone charger, camera, t-shirts, socks… extra socks… extra extra socks. A Wildland firefighter can never have enough socks. Inevitably a new kid would bring only one or two pairs and manage to trip into a creek on his first day, and then spend the rest of the shift complaining._

_I twisted my hair into a tight bun at the base of my neck and secured it firmly. Extra hair ties, I reminded myself, shoving a few into both my duffle and fire pack. Hair is extremely flammable, and the smell of burning hair is very difficult to wash out. _

_I dressed in comfortable flight clothes – jeans, college sweatshirt – and checked my luggage one last time. On a whim, I tossed an old photo of me and my fiancé into my pack, and I was good to go. I looked in on my fiancé one last time, and thought about waking him for a proper goodbye. My decision was cut short by a light knock on the apartment door – my ride was waiting. Bag, jacket, boots, and out the door._

_ "Morning, Danny." I greeted my crew leader as I shut the door quietly behind me. He was a full head and shoulders taller than me, with a full red beard and slight beer belly. Every summer he managed to lose it in California, and every winter it managed to find him again. _

_ "Got enough stuff, Aria?" Being the only woman in my crew I was teased for the habits of my sex, but it was all in good fun. _

_ "Got enough gut, Danny? I'm going to start calling it 'Lassie' soon – it always runs home!" I patted his gut with a free hand, and promptly shoved my duffle into his arms. A loud guffaw came from the truck, and I groaned. "Please don't tell me…"_

_ My least favorite person leaned out of the window._

_ "Songbird! I'm suuuuuuper excited for the season! Are you?" Danny's nephew Samuel (and he insisted on being called Samuel, not Sam, which I completely ignored) was probably the least competent Wildland firefighter I had ever known. I had seen him training for his Red Card – the one that allows us to travel from state to state – and had prayed he would drop out. _

_Unfortunately, the knock-kneed, skinny-legged, chicken-winged teenager (nineteen is still a teenager) had just scraped his knuckles on the finish line and would be joining us in the dry West. He also had the incredibly awful habit of giving people nicknames they hated. For the music-related nature of my name, I was Songbird. What kind of shitty nickname is longer than your actual name? If he was lucky I would only strangle him until he passed out, and let him live._

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><p>"You don't like Samuel." The interruption was a little jarring, but I recovered.<p>

"He's young. And he makes mistakes. I'm not fond of the combination." The therapist scribbled something on his legal pad. It made me nervous, and I twirled my hair around my finger.

"How about you tell me about the fire?"

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><p><em>Fire runs faster than you could ever imagine. When it first starts it crackles along at a creeping pace, reaching from grass to leaf to twig. But then they reach ladders. Not ladders like 'oh I can't reach a light bulb', but dead trees that have fallen against other trees, big dead bushes or waxy plants at the base of a tree, or a dead pine tree whose brown needles haven't all fallen off yet. When fire reaches these fuels it leaps to the sky. Suddenly the walls and skies are only fire, and you find yourself running for your life. <em>

_A firefighter's boots are made to be fire-proof, with thick treaded soles and no steel toe (which could cook your toes), but that also makes them heavy. Any good firefighter will spend a good deal of time breaking in their shoes – mink oil and an oven, a hammer, whatever it takes to keep those shoes from killing you when it's time to run. And you run. The sound of a fire bearing down on you can only be compared to that of an oncoming train – it roars. And it scares the shit out of you. _

_Predictably, Samuel made the horrible mistake of buying new boots before his first summer of fires. He had probably spent an entire day trying to break them in, but it honestly takes a month or two of constant abuse to form the leather into a comfortable shape. His feet were starting to drag behind him, and his little chicken legs couldn't keep lifting the heavy boots. He was taking huge, gasping breaths, and he was falling further and further behind the group. I groaned loudly, and called ahead to Danny._

"_I've got Sam – keep going!" It goes against almost every instinct of a firefighter to leave someone behind. I could see the muscles in Danny's jaw clench as he paused for a moment. There were four other men in the group besides him and Samuel, and their eyes were wide – on the verge of panic – at the thought of the fire bearing down on them. It takes a lot to scare us, but the safety of the black was far, and the fire was picking up speed. In high winds a wildfire can go as fast as 50 mph. We can't run that fast._

"_Come on!" I screamed as I pulled on Samuel's arm. He couldn't reply – his breaths had gone from gulps to gasps. He was out of gas._

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><p>"It's a terrifying moment when you realize you might die." The therapist nodded, and scribbled on his legal pad.<p>

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><p><em>In the event that a firefighter is trapped, there is a measure of last resort. We carry a small cube at the base of the pack that can be easily removed by parachute clips. It's a little larger than a two Chipotle burritos, and very carefully inspected every year, and it is called a Fire Shelter. It essentially wraps the firefighter in fireproof tinfoil, and turns us into little burritos. When it's time for a shelter, you're out of options. <em>

_I ripped my pack from my back, and quickly snapped off my shelter. Sam did the same, but his hands were shaking too badly to manage the clips. I did it for him, trying to keep my voice soothing as I reminded him of his training._

"_Take the shelter and your rake, nothing else." I gave him a half-second to breathe, and we took off again. When relieved of packs, firefighters lose about 40-50lbs. The point of taking the only shelter isn't to lighten us so we can run to the black; it's to give us one or two more minutes to prep the shelter. We have to run to open ground, scrape away leaves or grasses from the shelter area, open the silver burrito, and climb in. _

_We stopped running at the wide bed of a river – perfect. It had no overhanging trees, and a gentle slope that would be easy to scrape away. Having had lots of practice – and knowing that I should practice often – I was ready in no time. Samuel was working himself into a good panic. He hadn't started digging; he was instead fumbling with the shelter, raking his nails over the protective plastic, fumbling for the easy-rip cord. Before I could scream at him to stop, he had ripped open the case, grabbed a large section of shelter, and yanked. The rending tear that followed filled me with far more horror than the oncoming fire. _

_He had ruined his shelter._

_He held the scrap in one hand, and the rest in the other. He stared from one piece to the other, and then slowly, very slowly, he looked up at me. I hesitated only a second._

"_God dammit…" I mumbled. "Come here!" He didn't move. I stomped over, grabbed his arm and hoped it left one hell of a bruise. I shoved him down onto the bare patch of soil I had dug. "Get on your belly, idiot." He squirmed in place to comply. I gave him instructions as I pulled out my own shelter. "Put your hands around your mouth, and keep your face in the dirt. That will keep some cooler air in your mouth. It's going to get hot – really hot – whatever you do, stay in the shelter. Do you hear me?" I screamed those last words, and got a quick, twitchy nod. I inspected my shelter for a moment just in case, and threw it over him. "Tuck the ends under you – that's right." The opening of the burrito opens to the ground, and is just big enough for you to climb in. It has no structure, no supports. It relies on your body to seal it against the ground, and gives you a bubble of safety. Samuel vanished under the fireproof shelter – a cocoon of silver against the soil. He would be safe if he stayed in place; a little singed around the edges, but safe. _

_Now I had to figure out what the hell to do for me. _

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><p>"You had very few options." I wanted to snap at the damn therapist and tell him to stop interrupting me.<p>

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><p><em>I had my helmet, a fire rake, and a broken shelter. My eyes snapped to the river just a few long strides away. I had no chance of surviving the fire. I had only a slightly better chance of not drowning. <em>

"_Drowning it is…" I dropped my rake, and the useless shelter. I went to the water, and waded into the rushing torrent of the river. Faster than I expected it ripped my feet out from under me, and I was headed feet first – thankfully – down the river. I caught a last glimpse of Sam in his burrito before I was whisked down the water. _

_My heart was beating in my eyeballs. I was traveling fast, so fast, too fast down the water. It had been an open river to start, but it was narrowing – and large rocks were coming up out of the water in dangerous proximity to my body. I didn't want to die – not like this. A firefighter killed by water, what irony. _

_I was utterly terrified. Images flashed through my head – why hadn't I woken my fiancé for a proper goodbye? _

_And then I saw it. _

_A huge looming rock in the middle of the river – it was tipped upstream, looming over the water like a granite Grim Reaper. There was no way for me to avoid it; I was at the whim of the current, and it was bearing me towards my doom. I clutched at my breast pocket for comfort – inside was the photo I had brought along at the last minute – and I didn't need to see it to feel the warm blanket of love. I would give it a shot. I took off my helmet to slim down my line, and braced my legs for the impact. I was ready._

_I slammed against the rock, but my feet held. The water pushed down on my shoulders, trying to push them downriver and into the rock, but I was holding my position. I could do this! I tried slowly, very slowly, moving a foot half an inch to one side. It held. Inch by careful inch I moved my way to the side of the rock – if I could get to where the water started to move around the rock, the current would carry me further down the river. I was going to be okay!_

_I could not have seen the dead tree coming down the river behind me._

_It crashed into me with merciless force, hitting my head and ringing me silly. I lost my footing, and it pushed me swiftly against the giant river rock. The current moving down under the rock started to pull me under, and the trauma of the tree to my head left me unable to move my arms with purpose. I moved them weakly, and clawed at the rock with a weakening grasp. The ripped down, and the water closed over my head. _

_I knew only darkness._

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><p>"Is that it?"<p>

"That's all I remember." I almost choked on the lie.

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><p><em>I was seated on a park bench. My fire gear was gone, and I was dry. I was wearing black slacks, a breezy white blouse, and delicate white sandals. My loose hair tickled my shoulders. I blinked. <em>

_What the hell?_


	2. Chapter 2 - In a Haze

Author's Note: Typically the past will be in italics, but I figured that would be excessively confusing for this chapter as it doesn't switch back and forth between past and present. You get a break – THIS TIME.

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><p><em>What the hell happened? <em>I patted my pockets, looking for a phone, and I didn't seem to have a purse. I was also certain I had never owned a blouse as nice as this one. Besides the clothes I was wearing – and who the hell knew who they belonged to – I seemed to have no belongings.

The park bench was quite comfortable, and the sweet sounds of birds flitted around me through the shifting shade. I resisted the peace of my surroundings in favor of having a mental freak-out.

_Ok, no big deal, you just seem to have left a fire and arrived in a park. Currently working on the how, please stand by_. The park was quite clean, and the trees were quite healthy and tall. I was strongly reminded of Central Park in New York, only the species composite wasn't right, and the buildings peeking over the treetops were much too modern for New York.

A young man walked with purpose into the park. He was the first person I had seen so far, but he looked… a little odd. He had bright orange hair and a very square jaw. His eyes were a little small for his face, but they were intense – focused. He scanned the park with what appeared to be great focus, and stopped as soon as he saw me. We shared a locked gaze for a few moments, and I gave a tiny awkward wave. I really never knew what to do when people stared. He stared a little longer, and then slowly walked towards me on the park path. I didn't fidget – which was rare for me. With all the confidence that came with my job, it was amazing that I had almost no social skills outside of work.

He stopped a few feet up the path from me, and came no closer. I waited a moment.

"Hi?" He frowned a little, but came no closer. "I think I might be dead. Are you dead, too?"

"_Watashi wa mōshiwakearimasenga, watashi wa eigo o hanasanai_."

"Uhhhhh?" I must have looked like a complete idiot, and he gave me a pitiful little smile. I tried again.

"Can you tell me where I am?" He frowned, and I tried gesturing combined with just a few words.

"Where…here?"

"_Ā! Doko ni iru no?"_ I nodded – not that I knew what he said. "_Tōkyō._"

"WHAT." I was loud, but my inflection was flat with disbelief. I must have looked like the most pissed-off female in the history of my sex, because he jumped back a full five feet. How in the name of the heavens and earth had I traveled across an entire ocean? Hadn't I been drowning? Did I have a mental breakdown and fly myself to Japan? Why the hell would I go to Japan, of all places? I crumpled in place, folding over to place my head on my knees, and I let me arms flop at my sides. That's it, I was dead. I started to mutter to myself, which probably scared the poor Japanese boy out of his mind. He probably thought I was off my medication or something.

In the middle of my muttering he poked me in the arm, hard. I kicked him in the shin, not even bothering to sit back up.

"_Wa ̄ ! Naze anata wa watashi o ketta nodesu ka?! Soreha kizutsuku! Watashi ga shinpai shite ita!" _He hopped up and down on one foot, clutching his shin in both hands. Whoopsie – I must have kicked him pretty hard. He stopped hopping soon enough, and muttered a little to himself. I tried to look as apologetic as I could. He sighed. "_Anata ga koko ni taizai_." He pointed to me, and to the bench, and tried to look stern. I got the message – stay put. I nodded, and he walked a few feet away, pulling out a cell phone. _"Yūsuke, watashi wa kimyōna seishin-tekina chikara o motsu kōen de shōjo o mitsuketa."_ He saw me staring, pretending to listen, and walked a little further away where I couldn't hear him anymore. He talked for a little longer, and then hung up. He walked slowly back over to me, and asked a question. "_Watashinonamaeha __Kuwabara Kazuma __Desu. Onamaehanandesuka?_" I looked at him dumbly. He fumbled a bit, and then tried again. Pointing at himself, he declared "_Kuwabara."_. I blinked. He pointed at himself, "_Kuwabara," _then he pointed at me and tilted his head, waiting for my reply.

"Oh! I'm Aria."

"_Ohime Aleea?"_ He mashed all of my words together, and I simplified it.

"Aria." He repeated it, correctly this time, and I smiled. I held out my hand to shake. "Nice to meet you, Kuwabara." He bowed a little instead.

"_Oaidekiteureshīdesu, Aria."_

Not long after our fumbled introductions we were joined in the seemingly abandoned park by two others – a man with slicked-back black hair, and a woman with long red hair. No – as conversations began, and I heard the woman speak in quite a lovely baritone, I realized he was actually a man. I was thankful to have realized that _early_. I heard my name tossed around in the conversation once or twice.

I cleared my throat a little, trying to remind them that I was indeed still there. Kuwabara smiled at me, and pointed to his companions.

"_Yusuke_," the boy with black hair. "_Shuuichi."_ The girly man with red hair. I did a weak little bow instead of attempting a handshake again.

"Kuwabara says you speak English?" Shuuichi spoke my language! I gave a deep sigh of relief.

"Yes!" He looked a little startled by my enthusiasm, and I tried to act a little more normal. "I'm sorry – I'm just very confused. I just – I mean I'm not – I think something's… wrong?" Communication is not my strong suit.

Shuuichi sat down next to me on the bench, speaking quietly in Japanese to Yusuke and Kuwabara, before addressing me.

"Take a deep breath, Aria. What's the last thing you remember?" I tried to calm myself, allowing my mind to wander back, and I tried to recount it as I remembered it.

"I was in California… the fire got out of control, so my crew ran. Sam couldn't run any further, so we stopped to take shelter. He ripped his shelter, so I gave him mine, and then I jumped into the river. I was carried downstream, and a tree pinned me against a rock…" I looked into Shuuichi's incredibly green eyes. "I think I drowned, but then I was here."

I looked away, overcome with the very sudden sense of loss. I couldn't be dead – things felt too real here – right? My thoughts lurched to my fiancé – oh god – did he think I was dead? Did someone call him and tell him I was dead? I needed a cell phone – _now._

"Give me your phone." I said it much more calmly than I felt.

"I'm sorry?" I looked at Shuuichi, and he seemed confused.

"Your cell phone, give it to me. I need to call someone." He frowned, and glanced behind me. A tickle on the back of my neck made me jump up from the bench and spin sharply – someone was standing just a few feet behind where I had been sitting. He looked nothing like the other men.

He was dressed in all black – from neck to ankles, even though it was a warm day – with a white scarf, and white headband. He had wild black hair, streaked at the front with white, and… my breath caught in my throat. I could usually see when someone was wearing colored contacts – the size of the iris wasn't right, and the color is flat – but this man was not wearing contacts. His red eyes sizzled at my watery blue, and seemed to darken the longer he glared at me.

This man was very intimidating. Unconsciously, I shifted into a safer stance. Ten years of martial arts training had given me at least the knowledge of when someone meant to do me harm, and I felt like I was about to find out if I could defend myself.

At the same time I realized I was alone in a strange park with four strange men I also realized I was basically surrounded. Had they meant to do that? In response to my change into a defensive position the three normal (I certainly hoped) shifted as well. I was definitely surrounded.

"I'm leaving now." I glanced quickly at Shuuichi, then at the others. I didn't ask for permission, I just stated it very clearly. Shuuichi sighed, but did not change the aggression in his stance.

"I'm afraid we can't allow that." The man in black rushed at me with incredible speed, his arm raised over his head with a – was that a katana? A reflex kicked in, as there is a specific block to deflect someone with a katana when you don't have one. With a muscle memory I didn't think still remained I grabbed his arm as he raised the sword, throwing him to one side. I turned my body as he hit the ground, rolled, and stood.

The level of tension in the air skyrocketed. Every hair on my body stood on end, and none of the normal men were looking at me anymore. They were staring at the man in black. His eyes narrowed to slits, and he _snarled_ at me.

Oh. _Crap_.

Shuuichi took a very slow step towards the man in black.

"Hiei, _don't_-!"

He vanished. In a half-moment my skull split open with pain, and I blacked out.

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><p>AN: I've never been quite thrilled with this chapter, but every time I try to cut it out the story gets weird. In case you're wondering about the park, I modeled after Shinjuku-Gyoen Park in Tokyo. I also haven't included translations for the Japanese, simply because I want you to be as confused as she is. You get the idea from the gesturing.


	3. Chapter 3 - First Dream

I came to in a sparsely furnished room. Someone must have carried me there, and was thoughtful enough to remove my shoes before laying me on the mattress – _no, _I corrected myself. _It's a Japanese futon. _It was a very small room, barely large enough for the futon and a chair by the door. There was a small window, not large enough for me to crawl out – poor fire code, there – and a glass of water with a few little pills on the windowsill.

I suddenly realized my head was pounding. I gingerly touched my head until I came across a rather nice goose-egg lump forming. _Fantastic_.

I reached for the pills on the windowsill – obviously intended for this purpose – but stopped abruptly. _There's no way to know what those pills are_, I sighed inwardly. As much as my head hurt, my inner safety freak was a stronger influence.

I stayed on the futon, cradling my head between my knees, massaging my temples, and trying to make the last few hours run straight in my mind.

I went to fight a fire in California.

The fire got out of control.

The idiot, Samuel, ruined his shelter so I gave him mine.

I jumped into a river to escape the fire.

I drowned.

I was suddenly in Japan.

…

No matter how many times I reviewed it in my head, the train of thought just never made sense! The only logical thing I could come up with jus sounded insane. _Maybe I didn't drown, woke up in a fugue state, walked to an airport, bought a ticket, and flew to Japan where I promptly bought new clothes and threw away everything else I own. _Yeah, that made total sense.

I groaned, and rubbed my temples harder.

While I was contemplating my own insanity, There was a gentle tap at the door. My head snapped up so fast I got headache-whiplash, and nearly keeled over. I managed to compose myself, and reply.

"Um, come in?" It wasn't a room I felt I had any claim on, so it felt strange that anyone was asking permission to come in.

Shuuichi opened the door but didn't enter the room, seeming to take great care in appearing docile. But I didn't buy it for a second. There are certain bodily traits you can't hide behind a mild smile. Predators are always ready to fight, and it shows in how you carry yourself. And I wasn't about to let him trick me again.

"I'm glad you're alright. I apologize for my friend – he has a short temper." He smiled benignly. I didn't return the smile.

"I noticed. Where am I?"

"I will be happy to answer your questions, after you answer mine." Shuuichi entered my tiny room, and closed the door behind him. He took a seat in the lonely chair by the door, and fixed me with his piercing emerald gaze. I shifted on the futon, feeling very vulnerable, but trying to appear confident

"Go fuck yourself." You see, I am quite the proper lady of 24, with my swearing and all. I had inherited my grandmother's vicious temper, and while it served me quite well as a female firefighter among all men, in hindsight I did not think it would serve me well in this strange place.

Shuuichi did not seem amused by my vulgar tone.

"Where are you from?" I didn't answer, and a little more kindness left his voice. "I strongly encourage you to answer my questions."

"And if I don't? I don't know you, and I _definitely_ don't trust you."

"You see-" Shuuichi leaned forward slightly in his chair. "we are in the same predicament. And we are not trusting of humans who smell like Demons."

That threw me for a loop. _Demons?_ Was this guy a lunatic?

"I'm sorry – _what_? You must be joking." He didn't reply, but appeared to examine my both confused and bemused expression. I grew increasingly uncomfortable as he continued to stare without blinking. I think he was trying to stare me down, or intimidate me into changing my story. But I honestly had no clue what he was talking about. "You're crazy."

After just a few more moments of staring, Shuuichi stood abruptly, and left the room without a word.

* * *

><p>Shuuichi did not come back, and I was grateful for that. Whatever good vibes I had gotten from him when we first met had faded very quickly. After our strange encounter my headache had started to lessen, and I was able to stand without falling over.<p>

There was nothing really to look at in the room, and no windows to escape from, so I found myself doing push-ups and sit-ups, and whatever else I could think of to occupy my time. I was a very interesting sight – an elegant lady in expensive clothes exercising on the floor. How delicate. But I didn't want to be some delicate princess waiting to be rescued – I was a firefighter, for crying out loud! I walked in circles around my tiny prison.

It occurred to me that I had yet to try opening the door myself. I padded quietly over to the door, and gave the doorknob and experimental jiggle. It moved easily, and was clearly unlocked. I turned the knob, and opened it just a hair. I opened the door a little more, and my heart leapt all the way into my throat as it revealed the new bane of my existence.

The man all in black – Hiei, I think they said before he hit me over the head – was leaning casually on the wall across the hall from my door. His hand was resting casually on the hilt of his katana – the second bane of my existence – and he stared me down. What was it with these men and intimidation?

"_Futatabi doa o hirakenaide._" He snarled at me, and I got the point. I closed the door, and resigned myself to this little room.

I shoved the lonely chair under the door handle for the comfort of it. They didn't lock me in, but I didn't want them coming in if I could help it. That being done, I felt a little more comfortable settling back down onto the futon mattress. My head was still throbbing a little, and that made it hard to stay awake, even in what felt like an increasingly dangerous situation. I had no phone with which to call for help, I didn't know where I was or how I got there, and I had no identification. It made for an unsettling amount of discomfort.

I wasn't desperate to escape just because I had no context for the amount of danger I was in.

* * *

><p>Just as I started to drift off to sleep, I awoke in a small hospital room. I had monitor cables attached everywhere, and the room was packed with firefighters. For about forty square feet of space they packed in a whole lot of people. They were mostly asleep in chairs, and those standing were leaning against walls. A few were snoring. Firefighters can sleep <em>anywhere<em>.

I felt like death. Every limb hurt, and my mouth felt like it had been filled with cotton balls. Turning my head ever-so-slightly to one side caused excruciating pain, and I winced. I felt like one giant bruise.

My voice was cracked, but I coughed a few words out.

"Who died?" And the room exploded with life.

Watching fully grown men bawl like little girls has always been a guilty pleasure of mine, but when they're weeping into your hair it gets a little awkward. It seemed like anyone and everyone who had been working that fire was in my room. Even Samuel managed to wriggle his way into the room. He had one arm wrapped in bandages – bad burn – but that was it. Surprisingly, I was relieved he had survived. And then he, too, started weeping at my bedside.

I managed to piece together what had happened from the sobbing men – at some point I had come free from under the rock and moved further downstream. I must have floated on my back, because I was still alive… Some time later I was found by the mop-up crew, and flown to the nearest hospital. I had been very cold, and doctors were not optimistic. No one expected me to wake up.

"And John?" I asked about my fiancé, and was reassured. He had been told very little, and rushed onto a flight as soon as I had been found.

"He's landing soon – he'll be so relieved." I sighed in relief, too.

"I bet he was so worried…" I yawned, suddenly overcome with exhaustion. "I had such a strange dream…"

"We'll let you get back to it, then." Danny started to clear the room. "Let the lady rest!" I drifted in place very briefly, and as soon as the room was quiet I was asleep again.


	4. Chapter 4 - Uneasy

As soon as I started to drift off to sleep in the hospital room, I woke up in my tiny Japanese prison. As soon as I opened my eyes, I groaned and rolled over, trying to suffocate myself on the futon. This was complete insanity, it was the only explanation. I reached under my pillow and pinched myself fiercely.

"_Ow!_ Okay, that was a bad idea." I massaged the skin of my arm, trying to ease the sting. Genius, here.

I contemplated further suffocation in the comfortable futon, but eventually rolled over. My head didn't hurt as much this morning, which was a plus, but I had a desperate need to use the bathroom.

I left my fancy-yet-alien sandals in the corner of the room – nothing that pretty is ever comfortable for long, and I had yet to actually walk in the damn things. I unstuck the chair from under the door handle, and opened it an experimental inch. To my great pleasure, Hiei was not there. To my great displeasure, I still had a guard.

Kuwabara was sitting on the floor across from my room, reading what appeared to be a manga. He was so engrossed in what he was reading he didn't notice me until I coughed a little, at which point there was a lot of startled "UWAAAHH!". I might have startled him just a little bit. He stood awkwardly after flailing around for a moment, rubbing the back of his head in ambarassment.

"Um… I need to use the bathroom."

"_Ah _-_Basurūmu? Hai._" Wait – was that seriously the one word that sounded the same in both Japanese and English! My lucky fucking day! Kuwabara gestured for me to follow him down the hall.

The hallway extended maybe ten feet beyond my door, and Kuwabara opened a sliding _shoji_ door to a large living area. The room was empty save for a low table and a television against one wall.

"Kind of empty, don't you think?" I muttered under my breath.

"_Nani?"_ Kuwabara asked, turning his head.

"Oh nothing, nothing." I waved him off, and he smiled awkwardly.

We exited the sparse room on the opposite side via another sliding door, and we were in another, slightly longer hallway. There were doors on either side, and Kuwabara opened one before leaning against the opposite wall. I peered inside – bathroom! Quick as lightning I was inside and nearly slammed the door behind me.

* * *

><p>After satisfying my more – ah hem – urgent issues, I opted for a quick shower. I didn't have any clean clothes to change into, but I didn't know when I would get a chance again. Letting the water heat up, I folded my clothes carefully and set them on the sink, and glanced briefly in the mirror. I didn't look too bedraggled, but I could really use a hairbrush.<p>

The hot water felt fantastic. Sleeping on a strange mattress always does terrible things for my bad back, and I breathed a deep sigh of contentment. There were several bottles of flowery-smelling shampoo and conditioner already in the shower basket, and I tried to use very little and hoped I could apologize later for borrowing someone's supplies.

As I showered, I couldn't shake the nagging feeling in my mind that something wasn't quite right. I mean, sure, I was in the wrong country with no way to explain how I got there, but there was something else, too. As I was washing my arms and letting the water rinse the suds off, it dawned on me.

When I was 20 years old, I developed a cyst in my left wrist that required minor surgery to remove. It was a very simple operation, and had left a small horizontal scar that had faded nicely, but was still visible if you knew what you were looking for.

That scar was gone.

"What the hell…?" I washed water over the my wrist, clearing away the last few suds, and looked again. No scar.

When I was 18 years old, I had a ligament removed from my right elbow that had been compressing my ulnar nerve, and that had left a larger, more significant scar that I had been rather self-conscious of as a teen.

_That_ scar was gone.

I started running my hands over every inch of my skin – every scar, ding, and blemish that I had come to accumulate during my life was gone. I ran my hands over my earlobes – my pierced lobes were new again. I twisted in an awkward way to run my hand down the center of my spine, and while expecting to feel slightly raised tattooed skin, felt only baby-soft flesh.

Everything old was new again.

I stood stock-still in the shower as the water went from hot to lukewarm to cold. My brain couldn't process the information. I had no context for where to place it – all scars, wounds, tattoos and piercings gone? What did that mean? How could that _happen?_

In a robotic state I turned off the water and dried off. I found a hairdryer and a comb in the sink cupboard, and stared at myself in the mirror as I dried my hair. My skin looked like it had never seen a day's labor. It freaked me out.

I rushed through drying my hair, and dressed quickly, avoiding looking at myself any further. I just didn't know what to think.

* * *

><p>Kuwabara was waiting patiently outside the bathroom. At some point he must have retrieved his manga, because he was again engrossed in the pages when I gave a tiny cough, and I was treated to an encore of his surprised screams. He composed himself more quickly the second time around, and for that I smiled a little.<p>

"_Anata ga tabetaidesu ka_?" He mimed eating, and I nodded, still at a loss for words. He returned my weak smile with a beaming on of his own, which I appreciated.

My previous desire to observe my surroundings gone, I followed Kuwabara blindly through the little Japanese house, running over my situation in my mind.

Whatever reasons these boys had for not trusting me now seemed less farfetched. Where I had hoped that I had just lost my mind ("just", I say…), I was forced to throw that option out the window, leaving me void of reasonable explanation. I was an empty vessel, waiting for reason.

Kuwabara interrupted my musing by pushing a bowl of noodles into my arms that smelled strongly of peanuts. Maybe I wasn't a vessel waiting for a reason; but a vessel waiting for peanut noodles.

Kuwabara looked at me expectantly, and I beamed my best smile at him. He smiled back, and without ever leaving the kitchen we devoured our noodles.

* * *

><p>Kuwabara let me spend a few hours in the sparse – but larger than the room I woke in – room, twiddling my thumbs while he read at the table. He offered me books a number of times, but I shrugged, and shook my head. Books written in a language you can't read aren't terribly helpful.<p>

He was nice, though, and I appreciated the difference from Shuuichi's predatory presence. I much preferred watchdog-Kuwabara to watchdog-Shuuichi or Hiei. I shuddered a little at the though.

The day drew on, and eventually Kuwabara had to lead me back to my broom-closet/bedroom, politely opening my door for me yet again. I entered without complaint, and he closed the door behind me. Left with only my thoughts and an empty room, I opted to sleep rather than think about my discovery for the day. I just couldn't. So I gave up, and surrendered to sleep.

* * *

><p>AN: Finally, the plot thickens! Tune in next time, for what's up (or isn't up) with Aria's brain!


	5. Chapter 5 - Second Night

As I drifted to sleep, again I awoke back in my hospital room.

_Goddammitsonofabitch!_ I would have screamed, but I was back in the body that felt like a giant bruise with cotton balls shoved down the throat. It was slightly better today, but it was still worse than my Japan body.

_I am starting to think of them as US versus Japan bodies_… I sighed inwardly and worked on observing the room. All of the firefighters seemed to have left, which was a little disappointing, but they had probably gone back to fighting the fire.

A nurse wandered into my room at one point to scribble down my vitals, and informed me I would be picked up for testing in a few hours

"But I didn't get a chance to study." I joked lightly.

"It's just a CT scan – no studying required." She smiled, and left.

_Wait – a brain scan? _I was pretty sure I had nothing up there but scrambled brain bits. What does your brain look like when you hop from one continent to another over and over every night?

* * *

><p>"Okay, Ms. Sauvaterre, hold very still." I didn't really have much of a choice, as they had strapped my head down, but I guess the tech was required to say it every time. The tray slid under the CT machine, and I focused all of my energy on holding still.<p>

They were looking for traumatic damage, but what else would they see? Would they be able to see that I was somehow leaving my body every night and living in a rental? Does insanity show up on CT scans? I felt sick. I wondered how often people vomit inside these machines. My brain in turn provided graphic images of custodial staff being forced to climb inside a vomit-coated machine and scraping off chunks of partially digested hospital food. Gee, thanks, brain. I totally needed that to help me keep calm.

Before I knew it, I was moving out of the machine again. The tech was removing the strap squeezing my head, and helping me back into the transport wheelchair.

"All done, your doctor will be in later today to go over the results."

"Why can't you just tell me now?" It was an honest question, and I did not appreciate the bemused chuckle I got in return. I never got my answer, as someone swiftly wheeled me away.

I hate hospitals.

* * *

><p>As I was wheeled back to my room a familiar face ran around the corner.<p>

"John!" I yelled, instantly regretting the decision as the cotton balls in my trachea seemed to multiply. His eyes locked on mine and he rushed to my transport wheelchair, pulling me out and letting me bury myself in his embrace.

The transport nurse did not appreciate this, and quickly ushered me into my room to prevent me from "dying on the floor". His words.

I let John fawn all over me for a few minutes as he examined every scrape and bruise that he could see, while still managing to repeatedly kiss me while repeating how worried he had been.

"John, I'm ok – really!" I laughed a little as I had to try to make him stop fussing. He settled a little, but still fidgeted from the edge of the bed. I could tell he desperately wanted to check me for more bruises, so I had to distract him. "How about I tell you about the fire?" He nodded quickly.

"No one told me anything over the phone except 'John, get on a plane right now', which is the most terrifying thing you can get as a phone call!" I would have to talk to my friends about their notifications.

"Well, I'm glad they didn't – you would have been a mess." I patted the little bit of bed next to me, and he sat on the edge. "The fire was picked up by the wind, and we had to run…"

* * *

><p>"Your doctor will be in later today to go over the results" apparently means "Yo, your doctor will get to you whenever he feels like it. Might be two hours. Might be eight hours."<p>

Eight.

Hours.

Do you know how much a person can panic in eight hours? I started wondering what government agencies they must have called, and they were waiting for the FBI or CIA or NSA to flock to the building and carry me away for experimentation.

As it turns out, my doctor was just asleep. Crisis averted.

He sauntered in sometime around 7 p.m., my chart already open, and started talking without even checking to see if I was awake.

"Alright, Amy-"

"Aria." I corrected.

"Sorry, Aria – it looks like your CT is normal, there's no sign of significant head trauma, and you're recovering nicely overall. Your insurance wants me to release you tonight, but I'm going to keep you one more night, just in case." He looked up from the chart long enough to wink at me with fake earnestness. I hate doctors. He buried his nose back in his chart, and fished around in his pocket with a free hand. "I also made a quick call about your coverage for therapists, and they will cover any and all visits to a Dr. Allen, not far from your address." He set the doctor's information on the table beside my bed, and gave my shoulder and awkward, supposed-to-be-comforting-but-dear-god-stop squeeze.

"You take care now, Ann!"

"Aria." I hissed under my breath.

I really hate doctors.

* * *

><p>I don't know why I kept it from John, but I never told him about my adventures in Japan every night. Maybe I was concerned that he wouldn't believe me. Maybe I knew I would be put through more brain scans until I glowed in the dark with radiation. Maybe it was just easier to leave that part out. I don't know.<p>

John kissed me on the forehead as he was almost physically dragged from the hospital by security for the night. _No_ overnight visitors, they repeated. John threatened to hide in the stairwells, and they gave him an escort to make sure he left the building. Say what you want, the man is a clingy teddy-bear.

I was alone with my thoughts and the beeping hospital machines. I leaned back into the crappy hospital pillows, and clasped my hands together in prayer.

"Please, _please_, just let me stay in America tonight. Normal dreams – unicorns, vampires, I don't care. Please just let me stay here." I let go of the prayer, and lay on my side to sleep. I glanced at the scar on my wrist, and prayed it would be there when I woke up again.

* * *

><p>AN: I know the chapters keep getting shorter and shorter, but I'm trying to churn out these early chapters to get to the good stuff. The next one will be longer, I promise!


	6. Chapter 6 - The Interview

A/N: I know that the chapters have been getting shorter and shorter, but here's a longer one! I had a hard time approaching this chapter because there was so much ground to cover. I didn't want to miss details, so I ended up changing things a few times, which meant I had to go back several times to check for consistency. Sorry about the wait!

Also – for those curious about timeline, this is based after the end of the the TV series.

* * *

><p>Somehow, I almost wasn't surprised when I woke up in my tiny Japanese prison-room. I sighed, but didn't try to smother myself. Progress, I suppose.<p>

I sort of appreciated the abundant silence. While I had an inner monologue that raged against my definite captivity, I wasn't being tortured, I just had poor hosts. That was the mindset I tried to adopt. It didn't really work; I was still ticked-off.

I rose without great expedience, trying not to think about the fact that I had been wearing the same clothes for three days. The room hadn't changed overnight, it was still boring as sin. I opened my door with great trepidation – who was my guard this morning? Would I be graced with the great privilege of sitting in the empty living room?

There was no Shuuichi, no Hiei, and no Kuwabara. The third boy – Yusuke, I think – was standing in the hall. He wasn't leaning against a wall or sitting and reading, just sort of staring off down the hallway. He reminded me of old-school American greasers, only Japanese. His hair was slicked back with casual care, and his hands were shoved in his jeans pockets. All he needed was a black motorcycle jacket and some aviators.

He caught me out of the corner of his eye, and without acknowledging me hollered at _the top of his lungs_ down the hallway.

"_Oi! Kanojo wa me o samashidesu!" _I nearly had a heart attack. I almost died a second time when a disembodied voice screamed back _just as loud_ from down the hall.

So much for abundant silence.

Yusuke looked back at me, and cocked his thumb down the hall in a "follow me" kind of motion. Well, my options were broom-closet-prison or mysterious disembodied voice. What the hell, I was already crazy; why not add twice-dead to the mix?

To my surprise, the living room was no longer empty. It was still fairly devoid of furniture, but it was significantly more occupied than yesterday.

Shuuichi sat at the low table with two more people – a small, elderly woman with grey-pink hair (pretty trendy, grandma), and a young-man with brown hair and a pretty stupid "Jr." tattoo on his forehead. Who the hell still gets facial tattoos?

Hiei was standing in the doorway created by opened _shoji_ doors, which lead to a short patio and then to a very pretty scene outside. I would have bolted right then, but Hiei seemed to sense my intent, and intensified his glare in my direction. How about nope.

Kuwabara sat next to the modest TV, and smiled, waving at me. I returned with a tiny smile, and wiggled my fingers.

"Please, sit." Shuuichi gestured to a small pillow at the low Japanese table. _Not that I have much choice in the matter_, I thought, but I complied. Yusuke took the remaining seat at the table. I was somewhat satisfied to note that he didn't sit in proper _seiza _with his feet tucked under his legs, but cross-legged like me.

Shuuichi slid a small box across the table, attempting his best friendly smile. "It will be easier for you to wear these, than for me to translate." With great trepidation, I accepted the tiny box. Upon opening, I was no less confused.

"These are earrings."

"Yes – translation earrings." Shuuichi clarified. _Wow, Japanese technology has come a long way… does it talk in my ear or what?_ With my inner dialogue running full tilt in confusion-mode, I picked up one of the tiny gems. For the life of me I couldn't figure out how they were going to translate jack shit. I also remembered a slight issue.

"Um – my ears aren't pierced." _Anymore…_ I added mentally.

"They have magnetic backs. It won't be an issue – please." He gestured for me to put them on. I hesitated, but what harm could they do?

Creepily enough, everyone watched as I snapped the little baubles into place.

"Ok? What now?" My gaze darted around the room, as everyone exchanged their own meaningful looks. Yusuke leaned forward, elbows on the table, and stared at me.

"Can you understand me?" He asked, speaking very slowly, but in English. I hesitated in answering, as if it were a trick question. It definitely seemed like a trick question.

"Of course I can." I replied slowly.

"Excellent," said brown-headed poor-decision-in-tattoos guy, "then we can begin." It seemed wisest to stay silent, which apparently didn't faze him in the least. He reached behind him and pulled out a spectacularly large manila folder; the thing was shedding paper as I watched it travel two feet from behind him to the tabletop.

He flipped it open – more paper went flying – and began to read.

"Aria Liliane Sauveterre, born in Auvergne, France to American parents traveling abroad to finish their novel together. Born eight pounds, three ounces. You moved back to the United States when you were five, where you promptly broke your leg falling down the steps outside the airport. At age seven, you pushed a boy down in school and broke his nose in the process. You were suspended. At age ten, you were diagnosed with-"

"_**STOP!**_" I slammed my hands down on the table as I screamed, which made him jump a little. The tension in the room rose by several degrees, and I tried to calm my rapidly-beating heart. I spoke softly, hoping to calm the angry Hiei who was gripping the hilt of his katana. Mostly to threaten me, I think. "What the hell is going on?"

He closed the file calmly.

"Ms. Sauveterre, this file contains your entire life. I know everything there is to know about _everything_ in your life. My ogres have spent the last 36 hours collecting this information, and none of it – _none of it – _can tell me how you came to be in that park in Japan."

I started shaking pretty badly at that point.

"How- how do you know all of that?"

"My name is Koenma, and I am the Prince of the Spirit World." I was silent for a moment – as was he – as I tried to process that bit of information.

"And… what does that have to do with me?" I asked with great trepidation. Koenma opened the overflowing file that was my life, and pulled out a photo. He slid it slowly across the table.

"A hiker in California found this several months ago."

I knew what was in the photo, but I didn't want to see it. Time slowed down as the glossy paper moved across the table's surface. As it got closer I caught details on the edge of the image, but his hand still covered the center. _I recognize that river, and that rock…_ It looked just like a marble grim-reaper, reaching out over the water… drowning me.

Koenma let go of the photograph as I refused to touch it. A dead body was leaned up against the river bank, face bloated by time underwater, skin pale white and slick with water. The yellow fire-proof shirt and green fire-proof pants had been torn by debris moving downriver. The body's hair was matted and stuck to her head. There was a large gash in the side of her head. _Oh god…_

I stared down at my dead body in the photograph.

"Ms. Sauveterre, you are dead, but there is no record of your death in the Spirit World. Yet here you are."

* * *

><p>It was lucky I already knew where the bathroom was, because I was very suddenly quite ill. I heaved into the toilet for what felt like an eternity. My pale, bloated face kept swimming to the top of my consciousness, and I would start heaving. My stomach emptied quickly, but the urge to heave remained.<p>

I stayed hunched over in the bathroom, clinging to the cool floor for comfort long after the urge to vomit left me. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to break my foot kicking something.

I wanted a coke.

I wasn't surprised when I found Kuwabara waiting for me outside the bathroom. He looked slightly green around the gills himself, probably from having to listen to me vomit for an eternity.

"How are you feeling?" He asked. I was startled to understand him, but I was too tired from being sick to jump, or question why.

"Like shit. I need a coke."

"I'll get you one – go sit down." Kuwabara pointed me back into the living room while he disappeared to the kitchen.

Somehow I wasn't surprised to see everyone still waiting for me. I walked somewhat unsteadily back to my little pillow on the floor, and sat heavily. I leaned against the table for support, compiling my thoughts.

"So…" I began, "I'm dead." Koenma nodded. "But I'm here." He nodded again. "And you don't know why." Nod. "Well now that we're all caught up, what _do _you know?" Kuwabara reappeared at my side, handing me the most glorious-looking cold Coca-Cola that I had ever seen. I whispered quiet, reverent 'thank-you' as Koenma began to speak

"When you 'arrived' in Japan, there was a surge of spiritual energy, which is what drew Kuwabara to you. He called Yusuke, Kurama, and Hiei, who noted that you carried a strong presence of the Demon World with you. They then called me."

"Kurama-who now?" I asked, and Koenma shared an apologetic look with a surly-looking Shuuichi.

"Kurama is Shuuichi. He shares his body, in a sense, with a demon's spirit." My gaze slowly moved to Shuuichi – no, Kurama, I suppose – who stared back. That predatory look was unnerving. "In fact, the only humans in the room are Kuwabara and Genkai!" Koenma gave a little giggle, as though the thought had never occurred to him.

I held the coke to my head for a moment, reveling in the cold sensation. I felt ill again.

"I'm very confused." I said bluntly.

"As well you should be. Humans are largely unaware of the three worlds – Human, Spirit, and Demon." He took a deep breath to start what I could only assume was a lengthy exposition, but I held up a finger to interrupt.

"Can I just assume that spirits live in Spirit World and demons in Demon World?"

Koenma appeared annoyed at my level of sass, but I was much too tired to care.

"You're correct." His eye twitched in annoyance, but he composed himself and continued. "The aura of Demon World was fairly strong around you, which is almost impossible – humans can't survive in the Demon World unless they have spiritual abilities." He flipped open my file for a moment – papers went flying again – and consulted a page. "You have a small amount of spiritual power, not enough to protect you there, but enough to make the translator work." He closed the file casually, and I interrupted again.

"I have _what_ now? And _what_ translator?"

"Mostly just a spiritual awareness, probably. Strange feelings when ghosts are nearby, but nothing strong enough for a barrier or a weapon." He said dismissively, adding "And the translator replaces your primary language with our language of choice – Japanese."

_I swear to god if I don't get a straight answer from this man I will wring his neck before the sun goes down._

Hiei snorted in amusement from the doorway, and I looked at him oddly. Had I said that out loud? Apparently not, because no one commented. I must have had an odd expression, then.

Koenma was still talking, and as a quick experiment I pulled one of the magnetic earrings from my earlobe, and the strangest thing happened. Koenma was still talking, but every other word was Japanese. I definitely had a strange expression on my face, because Shuuichi finally interrupted, with a "Please put the earring back on." I complied slowly, and Koenma went back to speaking full English.

What.

The _hell_.

"_Are you listening?" _Koenma snapped.

"Yes!" I instantly replied. _Nope_, I thought in my head. Koenma huffed a little.

"As I was_ saying_, humans rarely go undetected in the Demon World, which begs the question of how you went from being dead in America, to being in the Demon World, to being in Japan without _anyone_ noticing." Koenma paused, staring at me as if I was supposed to know the answer.

"I'll take 'rhetorical questions' for $20,000, Alex." I replied. Koenma was not amused.

"I'm afraid that until we get answers, you don't have many options." _You're afraid, ha! _That seemed like a very veiled way of saying 'fess up or else'.

"And believe me I would love some answers myself, but I just don't have any handy." Koenma didn't seem concerned, in fact he gestured briefly over his shoulder to Hiei.

"Hiei can help with that." Hiei locked me with a threatening gaze that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with.

"No… I'm good, thanks." _I really don't want whatever 'help' he has to offer._

"You don't have a choice. Do it, Hiei."

I waited for Hiei to hit me over the head or something, but he never moved from his spot in the doorway. As I stared, he lifted a hand and loosened his white headband just a little with his thumb, and something glowed. My eyes watered, and I blinked.

What.

The _hell!?_

I was sitting at my kitchen table in my apartment in America.

* * *

><p>I stood wildly, knocking the chair backwards, but before I could break out into wild swearing, the door to the bedroom opened, and <em>I watched myself walk out<em>.

In a moment of clarity, I recognized my traveling clothes and the duffel I carried.

_This is back in September, when I left for California…_

I watched as I closed the bedroom door quietly behind me, and there was a knock at the front door. Me-from-the-past walked past me without noticing. I noticed that Hiei was standing in the doorway of the tiny apartment kitchen, watching me watch myself, and observing the scene.

"What's going on?" I asked him quietly. He didn't answer me, just watched the scene play out.

The apartment door opened, and closed again, and me-from-the-past was gone. Hiei's gaze slowly turned to me, and he finally spoke.

"Remember the fire." There was a purple glow at the edge of my vision, and I blinked.

We were in California.

* * *

><p>Up next! Hiei takes a tour of Aria's memories!<p> 


	7. Chapter 7 - Memory

Hiei stood almost directly beside me on the uneven ground. I could smell burning pine, and thick smoke billowed high over the treetops. I could hear the roar of fire, and the rushing of the river beside us.

I watched as me-from-the-past burst from the tree line, quickly followed by Sam. We were carrying our fire shelters and rakes. I was digging into the ground, and Sam was panicking.

"This is my memory…" I murmured. Hiei said nothing, again just watching the scene play out.

I watched as Sam fumbled, and my heart broke a little as I tucked him into my shelter, and waded into the river.

I blinked, and I was staring into my own eyes as I was dragged under that killer rock by the roaring river and the tree that hit me over the head. I saw the last few bubbles of air slip from my unconscious lips.

I died.

Again.

I blinked, and I saw myself on the park bench in Japan. Me-from-the-past waved to Kuwabara.

I blinked, and Hiei and I were back on the riverbank in California. Rather than watch the scene again, I looked to Hiei.

"Are you doing this?"

"Be quiet." He finally answered me.

I couldn't watch as I died again.

I blinked, and we were back in the park in Japan.

Hiei snarled, and we ran through both memories again. He seemed unsatisfied with the recall. The glow under his headband intensified, and I developed a sudden and extreme headache.

The purple glow at the corners of my vision intensified, and I was in my apartment. John rose from his chair and dropped to one knee during dinner; the ring from my favorite jeweler looked so small in his huge hands. He was proposing, and I cried. Before I could hear the answer I knew was coming, the light surged again.

We were watching me fight my first fire.

We were watching me get my tattoo.

We were watching my first day of college – eyes gleaming and arms carrying too much stuff.

We were watching me graduate high school.

We were watching me peer out the airplane window on the flight from France to America.

Hiei flipped through my memories over and over again. I stood beside him as my life lay bare and exposed before him, and he still seemed unsatisfied.

We watched me die one more time, lingering on my dead body trapped in the river. The memory faded slowly to black as I died, and instantly snapped to Japan. Exactly how I remembered.

Hiei seemed to slide the memory in reverse – further intensifying my headache – and lingered in that darkness for a moment. I couldn't see him in that darkness, but it felt like he was waiting for something.

The violet glow surrounded my senses, and I blinked.

* * *

><p>I was back in Japan.<p>

I gripped the edge of the table with such intensity I almost expected the wood to crack. I felt sick, and my head was pounding. For the second time today, I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream.

I reached a shaky hand for my coke instead.

"She's human. And dead." I heard Hiei grunt to the others.

"What… was _that_." I found my voice around the coke can, but focused my gaze on the table. Oh, sweet table, don't ever change.

"Hiei examined your memories." Koenma said lightly, as though Hiei had just skipped over to the TV and picked my memory channel from in-between the news and the weather.

"Fantastic. Are you satisfied?" _Please don't make me go through that again._

He paused before answering, which was not encouraging.

"We need to investigate further." He stood from the table with the gigantic file in his arms. "You will stay here at Genkai's temple until I reach a decision." At which the old woman murmured something obscene under her breath.

Before I had a chance to interject, He left with a fancy swirl of his jacket. I went to shout something to stop him, but the look Genkai sent my way could curdle milk. My stomach soured a little under her harsh gaze. Without moving, she had managed to turn that tiny body into a huge and imposing figure.

It freaked me out.

She crossed her arms over her chest, and laid down the law.

"You are to stay on the temple grounds. The forest is off-limits without an escort – corpse cleanup is not pleasant. I don't care what you do all day, but keep to yourself. There's food in the kitchen," she tilted her head in its direction "cook it yourself; I'm not your mother. This is a _temporary_ arrangement. Do you understand?" The harsh stare continued, and I realized when she twitched one eyebrow higher that I was supposed to answer.

"Yes ma'am." _Yes, Warden_.

"Hiei will be watching you." _Obviously to his great distaste._ "So don't do anything stupid." At the mention of his name, Hiei gave me one final glare, and vanished. My eyes widened to roughly the size of dinner plates.

"What the – where did he _go_?" Genkai snorted, and Yusuke laughed.

"He does that. You had better get used to it."

For what felt like the first time since I entered the room, the atmosphere lightened a little. Yusuke leaned across the table, peering at me with an odd grin on his face.

"So," he started. "What's drowning like?" He seemed genuinely curious, and completely oblivious that he might have asked a slightly traumatic question.

"_Urameshi!_" Kuwabara hollered, "You're such an idiot! How could you ask something like that?!"

"Why not?" He hollered back. "It's a serious question – I've only died twice, and neither of them was in water; I'm just _asking_!"

The two of them proceeded to bicker to great volumes, with Kuwabara defending my delicate ladylike sensibilities (my inner feminist bristled a little, but it was amusing to watch), and Yusuke defending his right to ask whatever stupid questions popped up in his head. At some point they started wrestling in the middle of the room, and Kurama excused himself. Genkai didn't bother with niceties; she just left the room, giving Yusuke's head a kick on the way out. He didn't seem to notice.

There was a definite character to this strange group of people that categorized them as one of the strangest family groups I had ever encountered, but a family none the less. At some point, Yusuke ended up sitting on Kuwabara's back, pinning both an arm and a leg behind him, and I just burst out laughing.

"I'm sorry," I coughed out between giggles as they both looked up from their fighting, "I couldn't help it – You fight just like my brothers." They looked at me strangely, and it took a minute for my giggles to stop. It was a comforting familiarity.

* * *

><p>Kuwabara and Yusuke spent a surprising amount of time with me in the temple long after Koenma, Genkai, Kurama, and Hiei had left. Occasionally Yusuke's demeanor would shift, and I could tell he wasn't yet completely convinced that I wasn't a threat – whatever that was about my having an 'aura' of Demon World. Kuwabara, on the other hand, seemed to have no problem talking about anything and everything under the sun.<p>

Where Koenma had been no help at all, Kuwabara and Yusuke filled in a lot of blanks, and I tried to reciprocate. I would ask something like 'How can Hiei just disappear', and after answering, they would ask something like 'when did you become a firefighter'. It was like a long version of 20 questions, and it wasn't long before I realized their goal.

"You know," I said casually, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear, "you two are much better interrogators than Shuuichi." They both blinked in sync, and I smiled. They looked at each other, and grinned sheepishly.

"Caught us." Yusuke laughed. I shrugged.

"It's fine. I understand, I suppose. From what you've told me, you have every right to be cautious." I propped my elbows on the table and rested my chin in my hands. "I appreciate the kindness all the same. I was sort of worried that Shuuichi was going to start shoving sharpened sticks under my fingernails to get answers."

Yusuke and Kuwabara exchanged knowing grins, which was not at all comforting.

"…what." I asked, and Yusuke explained to me Kurama's plant mastery. Then they shared a good laugh over the complete look of horror that passed over my face.

"_Stop laughing_!" I yelled. "How is that funny? That's horrible – why didn't you _tell_ me?" I knew why – they had no reason to trust me – but I realized now that if I hadn't been forthcoming with them, Kurama and his pointy sticks probably hadn't been too far down the road of possibilities.

"Stop freaking out," Yusuke slapped me on the back, and boy that hurt. "We're pretty sure you're harmless." To which I muttered a 'gee, thanks', which he ignored. "We just want to be sure. Can't be too careful, right?"

I thought about all the times a lack of cautious had gotten me into some serious trouble – most significantly, the time that ended in my death.

"I suppose." And we left it at that.

* * *

><p>As evening drew near, Yusuke and Kuwabara excused themselves for the night. As they were leaving, I remembered a question that I had been wanting to ask.<p>

"Hey - are there any spare clothes here?" They had been halfway out the shoji doors, and glanced back. My face flushed a little as I added, "I didn't exactly appear in Japan with a suitcase in tow." Yusuke looked at me thoughtfully, hand on chin.

"I don't think anything here would fit you, but my girlfriend's not much smaller than you – I can ask her?" I thanked him, and they left, managing to get into another argument before getting ten feet from the temple.

I watched them from the doorway, while simultaneously observing the temple grounds for the first time.

The temple had a wonderful wood porch that wrapped all the way around the building, and a little open-air connecting hallway that went to another building of the temple. I'm sure it had a specific name, but unfortunately I didn't know it.

The empty living-room opened onto an open courtyard of large stone pavers. The courtyard extended all the way to a steep hillside, where it dropped down into – what I assumed were quite steep – stairs. Courtyard met forest at that hillside, and it crept around the temple and extended far past my view.

I closed the sliding shoji doors, and retired to my tiny broom-closet-bedroom for the evening. My head was buzzing with new information, and while I thought that I wouldn't be able to rest, I felt exhausted as soon as my head hit the pillow.

I realized as I lay down to sleep that for all of the memories that Hiei had gone through, he hadn't bothered with anything after I came to Japan.

_He hadn't seen my nightly shift back to America._

My secret.

* * *

><p>AN: I had a ridiculously hard time finishing this chapter; it just did _not_ want to wrap up cleanly. Sorry for the wait, but I had to fix all the typos from repeatedly banging my head on the keyboard in frustration.


	8. Chapter 8 - Full Circle

A/N: I did realize that I made one teeny mistake with regards to the location of the therapist Dr. Allen (I had placed him at the California hospital, which made pretty much no sense for when Aria goes home, not in CA) so now a small part of Chapter 5 has been changed (like 5 words) but you probably won't even notice. If you do – sorry!

This is a very short chapter, but necessary. Posting two chapters in one day – whew!

* * *

><p>"Are you okay?" John asked for the 10,000th time. I was getting so tired of the question 'are you okay?', but managed not to snap.<p>

"Yep, I'm fine. Just get the door, please." John rushed up the steps ahead of me to go unlock the apartment door. He had been so concerned during the flight home. Five hours is a long time to spend in an airplane, but it's even longer when someone is chittering in your ear about how concerned they are. I loved that man to death, but he was getting on my last nerve.

I hobbled up the steps on my own, feeling somewhat satisfied to be moving on my own steam. John had almost rented a wheelchair, but I had made it clear that was _not_ happening. I was much too independent for that.

The door was open for me when I reached the landing, and John was already making me a cup of tea as I closed the door behind me. Annoying though he could be, he could also read my mind sometimes. Feeling suddenly very tired, I sat down heavily at the table, not bothering to take off my coat.

The hospital in California had given me a stack of discharge papers a mile high. The stack sat intimidatingly in the middle of the table, and at the top was a yellow post-it with a phone number for Dr. Allen. I really did not look forward to talking to a therapist. I peeled the post-it slowly off of the top paper, and glared at it. Sadly, it did not burst into flame like I wanted. Darn.

John appeared with my tea, and set it on the table in front of me.

"Here," he reached for the post it, "let me do that for you." I moved my arm out of his reach, and tried to smile benignly.

"I can do it, John. I'm not an invalid." That last part came out a little harsher than I meant, and he looked a little hurt. "Look – I'm just a little tired, but I can still do things, hun." He appeared somewhat mollified.

I stuck the post-it on the window next to me, and drank my tea in silence. I leaned back in the chair, and my gaze swept through the apartment. It lingered for a moment on the wall across from me, and I tilted my head to one side.

"Has that wall always been that color?" John turned to look – the wall was painted a deep, generic beige, but the color seemed just a hair darker than I remembered.

"Well I didn't paint while you were gone, so I guess so? I don't really stare at the walls very much." He gave me a little smile, and went to carry our luggage to the bedroom.

"Yeah… I guess it's just in my head." I mumbled, but I don't think he heard me. I looked around the rest of the apartment, and everything _seemed_ right. Was I now more familiar with Japan than my own apartment? Sure, I had been away fighting fires; but I didn't expect my own apartment to feel so strangely unfamiliar.

I tried to shake the feeling, but it came back when I finished my tea; the empty mug felt too light. I wanted to ask John if he had bought new mugs recently, but they were definitely the same mugs. They were the right color, the right shape, and the right texture, but the weight was wrong.

I set the mug on the table quickly, and tried to leave it be. I looked out the window, and tried to think of nothing.

_Everything is fine,_ I repeated over and over in my head, wishing it could be true. _Everything is fine._

* * *

><p>I took what felt like the longest hot shower of my life. I examined my body in the water exactly as I had done in Japan, running my hands over every familiar scar, every new bruise, and breathed a deep sigh of relief when I touched the edge of my tattoo on my back. Something was right, at least.<p>

I took the time to put the proper products in my hair, and blow-dry it on a low heat. I bundled up in my plushy robe, and stood in the closet for a good two minutes, just enjoying the selection of clothing.

When I came back out into the living room, John ambushed me, looking sheepish.

"I know you didn't want me to, but I called Dr. Allen's office and he has an appointment open this afternoon." He gave me a weak little smile, and gave me a weak little smile.

I don't know what god of peace possessed me, but I managed not to scream. Instead, I gave him a little smile and thanked him for being considerate.

God only knows how I managed that.

* * *

><p><em>The current moving down under the rock started to pull me under, and the trauma of the tree to my head left me unable to move my arms with purpose. I moved them weakly, and clawed at the rock with a weakening grasp. The ripped down, and the water closed over my head. <em>

_I knew only darkness._

"Is that it?" He asked, looking up from his notepad.

So there I was, lying to my therapist.

"That's all I remember." I almost choked on the lie. I tried to stare at Dr. Allen, convinced that if I looked away he would sense my lie. He broke the gaze first, and scribbled something on his notepad. He seemed to be about to say something, but in glancing at the clock he set down the notepad.

"That's all for now. It was nice to meet you, Aria, and I look forward to seeing you next time." We stood at the same time, and he reached out for a handshake.

Worst. Handshake. _Ever_.

I know he was trying to be friendly, but I really didn't want to be talking to a therapist. Don't get me wrong – several of my friends swear by the power of therapy – but I never felt that anyone would be able to tell me about my own feelings. Now was no exception.

I gave him a weak smile, and left that office in a hurry.

* * *

><p>"So how was it?" John asked, opening the passenger door for me.<p>

"Pretty weird, but ok I guess." I replied. John nodded knowingly.

I stared straight ahead at the car across from us in the parking lot. I tried to ignore my perception that the seats of the car were wider than I remembered.

_Everything is fine. _ I repeated my new mantra over and over. _Everything is fine._

_Everything is fine._

* * *

><p>AN: Well, now we have come full circle! Hence the chapter title.


	9. Chapter 9 - Testing Walls

A/N: I actually combined two different chapters to make this one. I wanted to separate out each Japan and America day into different chapters for the foreseeable future, but I decided to combine a few to make fewer – but longer – chapters. So while you will get longer chapters, you'll have to wait a little longer between updates.

* * *

><p>No one was guarding my door in the morning. I stood in my doorway for a couple of minutes, wondering if the floor was booby-trapped. I tested it tentatively with a toe, and when nothing exploded I figured I was probably safe.<p>

I wandered out into the living space, and I could see Genkai through the open _shoji_, sitting on the porch and drinking tea. She didn't acknowledge my presence, so I didn't bother announcing myself. The old woman scared me; I didn't want her looking at me if I could help it.

I managed to find my way back to the kitchen, and with great culinary skill made myself a bowl of cereal. I sat on the counter, munching away, feeling very satisfied with myself.

I almost dropped my bowl when a girl with mint-green hair walked into the kitchen. She was a little shorter than me, dressed in a pink dress with a short brown cardigan. She looked up at me with eyes as red as maraschino cherries, and her mouth made a tiny 'o'.

"Uh, hi," I said lamely. "I'm Aria." I waved, spoon in hand. I realized my manners were truly terrible when she bowed in return.

"It's nice to meet you, I'm Yukina." I hopped down from the countertop, and tried to appear somewhat polite by bowing back. It would have been better if I hadn't bowed over my cereal. She didn't comment on it, which I thought was very kind.

"So – I'm not sure what the others have told you, but I'm-" I really wasn't sure how to categorize myself, but Yukina kindly interrupted.

"You're a guest." She smiled at me so brightly and so genuinely it actually hurt a little. Our awkward little smile-fest was thankfully interrupted by a voice from the living room.

"_Oi!_ Anybody home_?_" Of course it was Yusuke, bellowing at the top of his lungs. I smiled a little when I heard Genkai holler back.

"Where the hell else would we_ be, _idiot?"

Gee, such caring and tender people I was stuck with. I shook my head, sighing, and Yukina giggled a little. She followed me from the kitchen back through the maze of the temple.

Yusuke was waiting for us in the living space, sitting on the floor with Kuwabara in front of the television. He and Kuwabara were playing some violent-looking video game, and they were managing to kick each other while simultaneously kicking each other in the game. It was actually an impressive amount of multi-tasking.

They hadn't come alone – three girls were sitting at the low table, managing to hold their own conversation while Kuwabara and Yusuke kicked and hollered at each other. It was also impressive, in its own way. Two girls had long brown hair, and one had… blue. She really had blue hair. Yukina joined them at the table, sitting next to blue-hair.

For the second time that morning, I managed to announce myself with a lame "Uh, hi." I really needed to work on my people skills.

Yusuke leaned back, turning his head in my direction but keeping his focus on the game, and gave a short introduction.

"Aria, this is Keiko, and two girls who followed us without being invited. I have no idea who they are."

"_Yusuke!" _Blue-hair exclaimed, _"_Honestly, I'm sometimes amazed we still spend time with you." She huffed and crossed her arms.

"You know – I am too! I keep hiding and you keep finding me! _Ow!_" Blue-hair beaned Yusuke in the back of the head with a shoe.

I decided to save Yusuke from shoving his metaphorical foot any further down his throat, and decided to be brave and join the girls. I wasn't exactly sure where to sit until one girl shuffled over a bit, making room for me.

"I'm Keiko – and this is Shizuru and Botan." Shizuru waved a casual hand, but Botan fairly exploded with energy.

"Hello! It's so wonderful to meet you! I mean, I've been looking at your file for a few days now, but it's nice to _meet_ meet you, you know?" I leaned back a little, trying to distance myself from the excitement.

"Not… really?" Keiko saved me from a further vocal attack.

"Yusuke said you needed some clothes? He's pretty bad at judging sizes, so Shizuru and Botan pitched in some things, too." She handed me two grocery bags packed with clothing items, and I swear I teared up a little. "If you need anything else, we can take you to the mall in town sometime next week?" She offered.

"Uh – sorry, but no." Yusuke hollered over his shoulder.

"Why not?" Keiko asked, brow furrowing.

"Koenma says so." Yusuke tried to sound nonchalant, but his tone was firm.

"Well I say a girl needs a little time at a mall now and then." Botan chimed in, but Yusuke shut her down with a harsh tone.

"I'm serious, Botan; _no_."

There was a very awkward silence.

"Um… I'm going to go try some of this stuff on." I grabbed the two bags and left the room in a bit of a hurry. I could hear Keiko and Botan arguing with Yusuke, and slipped off the magnetic translators so I wouldn't have to hear.

I hung the bags on the back of the lonely chair in my broom-closet room, and carefully removed each item. Just by checking size tags, I was able to rule out a few items as just way too small, but most of them looked like they would fit okay. I closed the door quietly, and changed from my black slacks and blouse into a pair of gray jeans and a black t-shirt that had a wide square neck. It was an unusual cut, but I thought it looked pretty flattering.

I folded the rest of the clothes that were in my size carefully on the chair, and put everything that was too small back in the grocery bags. Right as I finished, there was a knock at the door.

I slipped the translator earrings back on just as a voice rose from the other side.

"Aria? Are you in there?" Keiko's voice was quiet, almost sheepish. I guessed that whatever argument she had been having with Yusuke, he had won.

I opened the door, and she held out another grocery bag.

"I forgot – I also brought you some toiletries; toothbrush, hairbrush, shampoo…" Her gaze drifted to the tiny room behind me, and her list stopped abruptly. She stared, saying nothing.

"Keiko? Are you okay?"

She shoved the bag in my hands, and whipped around, storming back down the hallway. I stood there, truly concerned that I had somehow offended her, until I heard her screaming at Yusuke.

"She's sleeping in the _closet_?!"

Wow. I had thought the room was a little on the small side, but it had never occurred to me that it was an _actual _closet.

"It was the only space we had!" He yelled back.

"That's such _crap! _I _know_ Genkai has _plenty_ of open rooms!"

Before I had time to hide in a storm shelter, Hurricane Keiko came storming back down the hallway. I stood stock-still in my doorway, hoping she didn't see me. Or yell at me.

"Get your things." She told me. I didn't move, and she sighed. "I'm not mad at _you_, Aria." She moved around me into my tiny room, and quickly scanned the space. She shook her head as she shoved my carefully folded clothes back into the grocery bags.

She looked around the room again, trying to find more belongings, but there just wasn't anything in the room. She swept past me with the bags, walking swiftly down the hallway. I was still holding the toiletries bag, and quickly got moving to follow her.

When Keiko stormed into the living room, Yusuke was waiting. He wasn't playing a game anymore, and was standing in the doorway that led to the rest of the temple.

"Keiko, what are you doing?" His tone was flat.

"She's living in a _closet_, Yusuke! You don't see anything _wrong_ with that?"

"It's the safest option. We aren't in a position to take chances." Yusuke wasn't yelling anymore, but Keiko certainly was.

"She's not a demon – can't you see that? She's just a girl, and it's cruel to keep her locked away in such a tiny room!" Keiko was on the verge of tears, and I don't think it was really about me anymore. Kuwabara and the other girls were trying not to stare at the two, but they were having a very private argument in a very public place.

Keiko gripped the bags to her chest like a life jacket.

"I just need you to listen, and trust me."

Yusuke was silent, and I had the feeling those were recurring arguments in their relationship. The room maintained a high tension level, and I reached for Keiko with my free hand.

"It's okay, really," I said softly, touching her arm, "It's not so bad." She didn't move, just stared at Yusuke.

"No," he said softly. "you win - come on." He gave in. Yusuke turned in the doorway, gesturing over his shoulder for us to follow. Keiko and I followed quickly, and he took us past the kitchen, to an unfamiliar section of the house. He opened a door not far from the kitchen, and gestured in.

"Here. We'll lock you in at night-" Keiko interrupted him.

"_No._" Yusuke crumpled a little.

"Keiko, c'mon…"

"I said no!" He sighed deeply.

"What am I supposed to tell Koenma?"

"I don't care." They entered another stare-down, at which point I decided to just let them work it out, but I wanted to see my room.

I flicked a switch on the inside of the door, and my breath caught a little. Compared to my little closet, this room was a palace.

It had a beautiful mahogany frame queen-size bed, dresser, and desk. There was a full-sized window that looked out onto the grounds and the woods beyond, and pretty blue curtains to complement the cream walls. I spun once in the room, soaking in the details.

I sat heavily on the bed, my little bag of toiletries next to me, just staring at the upgrade. I remembered who had made it all change, and stood quickly, running to the door and wrapping my arms around Keiko. I sort of forgot that she had still been arguing with Yusuke, and I had interrupted mid-statement.

"… Aria?" She asked quietly.

"_Thank you_," I said earnestly. "This is the nicest thing anyone's done for me since I got here." My thanks was only met with silence, and I had the feeling that Keiko was glaring at Yusuke for being a poor host.

I didn't care. I was happy.

* * *

><p>Keiko and the girls were more than happy to hang out with me in my new room while Kuwabara and Yusuke went back to fighting over video games. I'm sure Yusuke much preferred that kind of fighting.<p>

I modeled every piece of clothing the girls brought for me, and got what I would consider to be the best advice available about which pieces worked for me. Keiko also eventually apologized for putting me in the middle of the argument between her and Yusuke.

"Things have been a little… rough, for us lately." She looked sheepish, but I waved it off.

"It wasn't _too_ painfully awkward. And besides – I think I got a pretty good deal out of it!"

We all laughed together, and it felt good.

It was nice to have friends.

* * *

><p>I had a feeling of déjà vu as I waved to everyone when they left in the evening. Yukina stood with me, so I wasn't completely alone.<p>

"What would you like for dinner?" Yukina asked, and I almost didn't hear her quiet voice. I quirked an eyebrow at her, a little confused.

"Genkai told me I would have to cook for myself." _And I really don't want to piss her off_. Yukina giggled a little.

"I do a lot of cooking for Master Genkai and Mister Hiei. It isn't any trouble to make a little more food at meals."

"Are you sure? I don't want to get you in any trouble." Yukina smiled, and assured me that Genkai was al bark and no bite. Somehow I found that hard to believe. I insisted on helping her cook, at the very least, and she gave me that.

As it turned out, I'm terrible at cooking Japanese food. I ended up just slicing vegetables, and cleaning pots and utensils when Yukina was finished. She never commented on my lack of skill, but instead thanked me for all of my help.

Genkai, Yukina and I ate dinner together in relative silence, but this time at least the old woman wasn't glaring at me. She would occasionally ask Yukina about the food, like which spices she had used, and Yukina would answer with a 'a little salt, Master Genkai.' Damn if that girl didn't have the best manners I had ever seen.

And speaking of manners, I caught my first glimpse of Hiei since he invaded my memories as he grabbed his own serving of dinner. He didn't eat with us, but took a bowl and went outside.

"Hi, Hiei." I was trying to be polite, although I had no reason to try.

"Hn." Gee, I was so glad I tried to be polite.

* * *

><p>I insisted on doing the dishes after dinner. Yukina tried to argue with me, but I shooed her out with a "let me do my part!"<p>

Cleaning the kitchen after dinner has always been a soothing exercise for me. The temple didn't have a dishwasher, so I got to wash each pot, bowl, and set of chopsticks by hands. It was kind of nice. I hummed quietly to myself as I worked just to fill a little of the silence. That humming didn't take long to turn into a quiet song.

_When I was just a little girl  
>I asked my mother<br>What will I be  
>Will I be pretty,<br>Will I be rich?  
>Here's what she said to me<em>

Que sera, sera  
>Whatever will be, will be<br>The future's not ours to see  
>Que sera, sera<p>

A strange feeling crept up the back of my neck. I could feel the hairs stand on end, and I had the distinct feeling someone was watching me. I kept scrubbing the pot that was in the sink, and casually turned my head to look at the doorway behind me. Sure enough, Hiei was standing in the doorway.

"What's up?" I was trying to be casual, really. I'm very self-conscious, and sneaky people standing in doorways never helped much.

"Hn. Here." He held out his bowl and chopsticks from dinner.

"Can you just set them on the counter? I don't' want to drip on the floor." I pointed to the counter with a sudsy hand. To my great surprise, Hiei actually complied. I suppose his other option was to leave it in the middle of the floor, but it was nice all the same. "Thanks."

"Just stop that infernal noise." My face flushed – he _had_ heard me singing. Fabulous.

"It's not _noise_, it's singing. And considering I can't do a lot of other things already, I'll sing as much as I like, thank you very much." I felt a little sassy, what can I say. Hiei didn't reply, and when I turned again to look for him he had vanished.

"What a strange man…" Yusuke and Kuwabara had told me a little about the silent fire demon, most of it being 'he pretends like he hates everyone, but just don't piss him off'. I think they told me just enough about everyone to keep me alive.

I sang a little more to myself as I cleaned the counters, and swept the floor. It drifted around me as I wandered back to my new room, and got ready for bed.

_When I grew up, and fell in love  
>I asked my sweetheart, "What lies ahead?<br>Will we have rainbows, day after day?"  
>Here's what my sweetheart said<em>

_Que Sera, Sera  
>Whatever will be, will be<br>The future's not ours, to see  
>Que Sera, Sera<em>

The new mattress was quiet comfortable, and it didn't take long for the tension of the day to creep from my bones. My eyes grew heavy, and I drifted off.

_Now I have children of my own  
>They ask their mother, "What will I be<br>Will I be handsome, will I be rich?"  
>I tell them tenderly<em>

_Que Sera, Sera  
>Whatever will be, will be<br>The future's not ours, to see  
>Que Sera, Sera<em>

* * *

><p>I figured it had something to do with my recovery, but I was incredibly tired all morning in America. I had to shoo John out the door to go to work, as he kept offering to get me things from the store, or make me another cup of coffee. The man needed to work, and I needed a break from his fussing.<p>

I ended up sitting on the sofa for a large part of the day, just sprawled out in front of the television. I couldn't settle on a channel, and kept flipping around from sports to weather to bad daytime soap operas. _Hah_, I thought, _this is nothing, compared to my crazy life._

Tucked under my favorite blanket, warm and cozy, I started to drift off. I almost tried holding my eyes open, but sleep soon claimed me.

To my great surprise, I woke up in my bedroom. In_ Japan._ I rolled over, and checked the clock on my nightstand; 2 a.m.

No matter how much I tossed and turned, I just could not get back to sleep. It wasn't fair – up until now I had equal time in both worlds, and I was being cheated tonight. In a huff, I got out of bed. There was really no point in tossing around if I wasn't going to be able to sleep anyway.

I went to the kitchen to make a cup of tea, and stood by the stove while the kettle warmed up – I didn't want the whistle to wake anyone else if I could help it. I was rifling around in the cabinets when a familiar sensation crept up the back of my neck. I turned my head slowly, half-expecting to see a familiar fire demon lurking in the doorway.

He was not.

Somehow, that was even more disturbing.

"Hiei?" I called out quietly. "If you're trying to freak me out, it's working; so please cut it out!"

There was no answer, not even a 'Hn'.

Creepy.

The kettle started to whistle behind me, and I rushed to turn off the stove. My hot tea offered me a little comfort from the odd sensation of being watched, but I quickly returned to my bedroom and locked the door behind me. I closed my curtains, and sat on my bed with the lights on, humming to myself.

The tea slowly relaxed me, and I tried going back to sleep. Once again, my familiar song spinning around in my mind relaxed me enough to sleep.

The clock on the nightstand read 4:23 a.m.

John was shaking my shoulder.

"Honey, wake up…" I woke up a little violently, flailing under the blanket, and almost falling off of the sofa.

"_wasshappening?"_ I blurted out. John laughed a little, and I blinked at him owlishly. "How long was I asleep?"

"I don't know – I just got home." I looked past him to the clock on the wall. It read 5:25 pm. "Feeling hungry?" He asked me, refocusing my attention. "I brought pizza."

He disappeared into the kitchen for a moment, and I disentangled myself from the blanket.

_Everything is fine_, I repeated in my head, combing out the knots in my hair with my fingers.

_Everything is fine_.

John and I sat down to eat.

* * *

><p>AN: for those confused by Yukina not being in a kimono – in the very last episode of the series, she is dressed in a pink dress/brown sweater.

Additionally – I swear that the details aren't insignificant. I was looking at my outline while writing, and after combining several chapter plans to make longer updates, I have 34 chapters fully outlined, and major points for an additional 30. So… you don't have to worry about plot problems, just worry about harassing me (by reviewing!) to keep writing.

At the same time, if it isn't relevant to talk about an entire day, I won't bother to write an entire day – partly because I don't want to write stuff that isn't important at all, and partly because you don't want to read stuff that isn't important, and probably don't want me taking time away from writing the good stuff to write boring-ass fluff.


	10. Chapter 10 - Second Chances

A/N: Ten chapters in ten days! Woohoo! It's probably not to my benefit that right after telling you that chapters will take more time now that they're longer… I give you another chapter. Well, it's not 3,600 words, so don't get too excited.

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><p>I was not a happy camper when I woke up in Japan.<p>

It felt like I had gotten no sleep whatsoever, and unfortunately a shower didn't help me wake up very much. I did note that the products Keiko had brought me smelled quite wonderful, but I was too tired to greatly appreciate them. I didn't bother drying my hair, and just pulled on whatever clothes were on the top of the pile in my wardrobe. Black jeans and a green long-sleeved shirt. I made a mental note to ask about shoes – the only pair I had were my mysterious strappy sandals, and I wasn't very fond of those.

I twirled my damp hair up into a loose bun, and ventured out into the land of the living. Coffee barely took the edge off. I stayed away from the common area, for fear that I would growl at the ever-polite Yukina and hurt her feelings. And then Genkai might murder me.

After my second cup of coffee, I decided to venture outside the temple. _What's the worst that can happen?_, I thought.

If that thought ever runs through your head, you should just turn around and go back to sleep. I'm serious.

I followed Genkai's instructions for a little while, giving the forest a wide berth and wandering around the zen garden behind the temple. I was soon unreasonably tempted by the perfectly harmless woods. _What's the worst that can happen?_, I thought.

I repeat – if that thought ever runs through your head, you should just turn around and _go home_.

The woods around Genkai's temple were a little thicker than I had been expecting, but not more than I could handle. I was used to trekking through woods thicker than this, but with a helmet, heavy boots, and an unwieldy backpack that had the tendency to catch on every overhanging branch. This was nothing. Going barefoot wasn't that great, though.

"And soon they were hopelessly lost in a dark and _very_ expensive forest…" I muttered to myself.

My almost-silent footsteps and I walked through what was probably two miles of forest together. Just my breathing, an occasional rustle of leaves from the wind, and the imperceptible squish of moss underfoot. Squish, rustle, breath. Squish rustle, breath. I stopped to stretch my back for a moment, and the rustling stopped at well.

I froze.

I finished my stretch casually, and fought the urge to run. Instead, I started walking again, casually reaching for a large fallen branch. I used it like a large walking stick, although it was large enough to be a wizard's staff. I gripped it hard with my hand, testing the strength of the wood. It was newly-fallen – still green and hard at the core.

I stopped again, leaning against a tree and rubbing my knee with my free hand. Gee, the rustle stopped as well. Someone was following me.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are." I called into the woods in a sing-song voice. It came out much creepier than I had intended, but maybe that worked to my advantage.

_I shit you not_, some kind of _winged-spider-snake_ came flying out of the treetops letting out a truly unholy sound, reaching for me with all of its pointy appendages (sorry, I forgot to count them as they were flying towards my face). Hefting the staff with both hands I twisted my torso and swung the staff with an incredible amount of torque. I know it was a lot, because the flying spider-snake crumpled across the wood, and was thrown through the trees like a home-run baseball. He slammed into a tree, fell to its base, and didn't move.

"Ha _ha_! _Got _you, you creepy little shit!" I danced a little victory jig, but in the middle of my celebration there was a sound behind me. Mid-dance, I turned around and swung my killer-staff at the same time.

Hiei caught it with one hand, and did not appear to be at all fazed in the process. I dropped my end of the staff.

"Whoops… sorry?" Hiei looked past me to the broken flying-spider-snake several yards away. I followed his gaze, and grinned cheekily. "Forest demons aren't so bad, eh?" He snorted. "What? I'm just saying that I can take care of myself!"

"Hn." Hiei tossed the tree branch to one side.

"Thank you, that's very encouraging." Sarcasm needs its own font, I decided, because Hiei then gave me a very strange look. He stared for a moment, then turned on his heel and started to walk away. "_Hey!_" I yelled after him, and to my surprise he did stop.

"Now what?"

"Why are _you_ out here?" It was a legitimate question. I was out in the forest because I had a poor sense of judgment and danger, and a disproportionately large sense of curiosity.

"Hn." His trademark scoff, obviously. "Koenma wants you alive." In my head I did some mental math. My gaze drifted to the flying-spider-snake. For how dramatic Genkai had been, it was kind of small.

"Point taken. Which way to the temple?" I asked.

"You're pathetic. Get back on your own." He turned again to leave, and I wasn't sure what to say to that, and my response probably wasn't the best given that I knew next to nothing about this man.

"Don't be _heartless_! I'm just asking you to point me in the right direction!" I blame the phrasing on my adrenaline rush from hitting the flying-spider-snake. But again, to my surprise, he did stop. "You don't know me, and I don't know you, and we both got a _really_ bad first impression of each other, but…" I paused, as he still hadn't turned to look at me. "Shouldn't we both get a second chance?"

That did it. Hiei paused, and finally said "Follow me."

Hiei walked at a pace slightly faster than I was comfortable setting. I was doing a barely acceptable job keeping up. He never looked back to check on me– but then again I wasn't asking for help, either.

"So, Hiei – how do you keep your dark clothes so dark? My black shirts always fade in the wash." He stopped, turned, and gave me a confused look that almost made me laugh out loud. I managed not to, which was probably for the best. "Just trying to make conversation."

"Hn."

"Very original. I applaud you, sir." I wanted to ask Hiei why he seemed to hate me, but I felt that it might negate the whole 'second chance at a first impression' thing that had made him stop in the first place.

I followed Hiei in silence for the rest of our walk together – did me following him like a lost duckling count as 'together'? I couldn't tell you why I had tried so hard to redefine Hiei's opinion of me. Typically I avoid the type of men who hit women over the head with blunt objects, but in his case I had made an exception. I think that dying changed my perception about a lot of things.

We had been walking for a little while – I wondered if I had really wandered that far out into the woods on my own – and Hiei vanished.

"Hiei?" I called out. _Why did he just leave?_ I wondered. I looked around, and realized that he hadn't actually abandoned me in the forest. Just visible through the leaves of the trees ahead, I could see the edge of Genkai's temple.

"Thank you, Hiei." I felt weird just saying that to the empty forest around me, but I had a feeling he heard me.

* * *

><p>As I emerged from the woods, gleefully thinking I was home free, the ancient voice of death called to me from the temple porch.<p>

"_Dead girl!_"

Genkai.

_Crap._

I walked over to the porch slowly, trying to extend the last few seconds of my life a little longer.

"Hi, Master Genkai." I tried taking Yukina's route with the polite inclusion of her title.

"Did you kill one of the demons in the forest?" That question threw me for a moment.

"Um… with a stick, yeah… was I not supposed to?" Her eyes narrowed, and she stared at me for a long time with her arms crossed behind her back. I do not – I repeat, do _not_ – know how such a tiny woman can be so terrifying while saying nothing.

"Be in the courtyard at sunrise tomorrow." She said with finality, but I mumbled in a response.

"Um – why?"

"We're going to see if there's anything we can do with you, Dead Girl." She spun on her heel as she answered, quickly vanishing into the depths of the temple.

Because that's not _at all_ foreboding.

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><p>That night I laid out sweatpants and a plain t-shirt on the top of the dresser – I am not a morning person, and I would need all the help I could get remembering to be human in the morning.<p>

I was at a point in this strange new life that I didn't expect to dream. I fully expected to lay down in Japan, wake up in America, and vice versa.

I woke up early in America, fumbling around in the dark quickly, trying to silence my alarm clock before it woke John. I hit it in time, and slid out of bed. I stretched, and nothing hurt too badly – I felt good today.

I dressed in comfortable clothes, and kissed John goodbye in the dark. He rolled back over in bed, not seeming to notice.

I got into my car, and pulled out of the apartment parking lot. It was nice to be doing the driving, and to be headed to work – _finally_. I pulled onto the highway, and turned on the cruise control. It took a few more clicks of the button to make it work, and I figured the switch must be getting old.

My mind always wanders in the strangest of ways while I drive, and that day was no different. I was stuck behind a driver going only 50 mph on the highway, and I just gleefully imagine ramming into the back of his car going 65. That thought made me smile and evil and toothy grin.

It probably wasn't healthy that I imagined causing great damage to other drivers on the road, but considering that I had never been in an accident, I didn't pay it much mind. Never had a speeding ticket, and never so much as dinged another vehicle. For all my murderous intent, I was what my insurance company called an 'exemplary driver'. I got great discounts for it. I snickered in my head – I got discounts for imagining destroying other driver's cars.

I came back from my day-dreaming and automatic driving at some point on the highway, and frowned at the clock. _I should have been there by now_, I thought to myself. Had I hit traffic? I didn't remember. I had made this commute hundreds of times, and the drive had never been a memorable one.

I checked the road around me, looking for familiar landmarks or mile markers, and could finally place my location. Somehow, I had managed to miss my exit, and would have to backtrack on back roads. I hadn't missed my exit like that in a few years, and I blamed it on not having driven the route in a while.

I was the first one to arrive at the office, as it had always been. I got there first, unlocked the sticky deadbolt, turned on the lights, and got the coffee maker started.

"Office buildings" for Wildland Firefighters aren't much more than log cabins. Here in North Carolina, each county has its own designated wildland people, although some swing back and forth from structures to wildland, trying to support their families on the extra pay. That being said, there are generally only a few rooms in these cabins – the office of the person in charge, the office of the person who makes the schedule and sends the firefighters out (the 'sucker' who doesn't get to fight the fire), bathrooms, and a common room/kitchen. That's it.

I started the coffee maker with an idle hand, remembering to flip over the glass pitcher before the java started flowing. I was halfway through my first cup of coffee before anyone else arrived.

"Morning, Danny!" I greeted him as he came through the door. I hadn't seen the red-headed crew leader since I left the California hospital, and he was a sight for sore eyes. He looked pretty surprised to see me, though.

"Aria! You're back already?" The tone of his voice put me off for a moment.

"Aren't you happy to see me?" I know it was an unfair question, and he gave me a pretty tortured look in return.

"Of course I am! I just thought you would take a little more time." Danny tried to be jovial, but I could tell what was coming. I tried to shrug it off, laughing.

"Nah, I'm fine. Ready to fight some fires!"

"Well, darlin', you know we always want you watching our backs." He paused, which was not encouraging. "We just want to be sure that you _can_, you understand." I understood. They were worried that someone would get hurt if I couldn't pull my weight. It's a reasonable concern for firefighters, but it always hurts when it's someone questioning _you_.

"Yeah, I understand. I'll stay on dispatch, you won't hear a peep from me."

"Attagirl – you're a real trooper." Danny clapped me on the back, and I tried not to wince. The man had hands the size of bear paws, and I think he managed to hit a bruise.

I pouted at my desk for a good long while as all of the other firefighters arrived at the office. Everyone was happy to see me, but to my great displeasure they also seemed relieved that I was on dispatch.

I toodled around on the dispatch computer for a while, playing video games and surfing the internet for finny cat videos, trying to ignore the sounds of happy firefighters down the hall. With the knowledge that they were all still concerned about my 'delicate nature', I didn't feel like joining them. I had the impression that if I tried I would drown under a further deluge of 'are you okay?"s. Nope. No thank you.

I was somewhere around my 100th scroll through Tumblr when the increasingly familiar sensation of being watched began to creep up the back of my neck. It had never happened to me while in America, and it instantly set me on edge. I stood from my desk, and planned to check out the window, but I never made it there.

My head spun, and the floor lurched beneath my feet. My head hit the floor, and everything went black. 

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><p>I woke up quite violently in Japan; soaking wet and freezing cold. Genkai was standing at the foot of my bed, holding a metal bucket.<p>

"_You… bitch!"_ I screamed, and Genkai flashed me a smug little smile.

"It's sunrise – you're late." She jumped down from the bed, and left, calling over her shoulder: "If you're not outside in two minutes I'm coming back with another bucket!" 

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><p>AN: Aria gets a little time with Hiei! I'm still making minor plot tweaks as we go, but I'm pretty happy with the dynamics in this chapter.

And – I don't know if you caught it – Aria's home location in America is revealed!

I do promise that this is all building towards – what I think – is a pretty awesome chapter. Think you know what's going on? Review, and tell me what you think!


	11. Chapter 11 - Break Me Down, Build Me Up

A/N: I just want to take a second to thank my encouraging reviewers – you all really make this worthwhile. You might be horrified to read some of the scenes that never make it into the final version, or to know how many times I write and re-write scenes because I'm not satisfied with the realistic nature of the interaction. I strive to make their interactions as believable as possible, and I love that you love to read it.

Thanks again, and here's chapter eleven.

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><p>"I said sunrise, Dead Girl." Genkai snapped as I stepped out of the temple. I had managed to get dressed and somewhat ready in the two minutes she gave me, splashing water on my face in an attempt to wake up a ittle more, even though Genkai had done a fairly good job. I twirled my hair into a bun, smoothing down loose strands.<p>

"Well, apparently you're a pretty damn good alarm clock." I was feeling pretty annoyed, and that was translating into a fair amount of sass coming out the side of the mouth. It's hard to feel intimidated when you're both exhausted and pissed-off. "What the hell are we doing up so early, anyway?"

Genkai snorted in response.

"You're practically useless, but you were capable of killing one of the lower-level forest demons." She picked under her fingernails, and I had the sneaking suspicion that she thought of me like dirt under her fingernails. "I'm curious if anything can be done with you."

I rubbed my palms over my eyes, as if I could massage my brain in the process.

"You said that yesterday, but it still doesn't make any sense." I groaned, and Genkai narrowed her eyes. The tiny, ancient woman _jumped_ into the air, and _flicked me on the forehead_. Somehow, that flick of her fingers was enough force to snap my head backwards. As it did, she landed and swept my feet out from underneath me with a sweep of those tiny little legs. I fell heavily on the pavers in the courtyard.

"_What the shit?!_" I got back to my feet quickly, screaming down at the smirking old lady. "_Have you lost your mind?!_"

"There's something about you that's not completely worthless." She swept her foot around to sweep at my ankles, but I hopped back, and she gave me the smallest of smiles. "And I'll beat it out of you if I have to."

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><p>I lay without shame spread-eagle in the middle of the courtyard. Genkai kicked my foot.<p>

"Get up, useless." I groaned, and tried to remember how to move my muscles.

"I'm working on it, stand by." I muttered, and Genkai huffed. She aimed a swift kick at my head, and I rolled out of the way, jumping quickly to my feet.

"Can you stop trying to kill me for _one minute_?" I cried, trying to keep my hands up in case she tried to punch me in the face, as she had done almost a hundred times already. Over the last several hours, Genkai had run circles around me faster than I thought was humanly possible, punching and hitting me at every opportunity. The old woman was a psychopath.

She would yell things like 'focus on your energy!' as she hit me, to which I would reply almost universally with 'what the fuck are you talking about?. Genkai wasn't very clear with directions as to _how_ to focus on my energy; she seemed to more enjoy punching the living daylights out of me.

To my credit, I didn't just let her hit me with impunity. I tried blocking her punches, and even tried to hit or kick her in return, but she was just on a completely different level when it came to speed, not to mention strength. I would have sworn she wasn't human.

She took another half-moment break from hitting me to yell instructions again; "Focus on the energy inside you, and try to use it to stop me!"

"_How_?!" I screamed back, as her assault started again, but for once she gave me a clear direction.

"Focus all of your thought in your hands – visualize stopping the attack!" She must have been getting pretty fed up with my inability to defend myself. I tried doing what she asked, I really did. I stared at my hands, and tried to visualize… something. It wasn't enough. I was focusing so hard I missed Genkai's next punch for my face entirely, and it snapped my head to the side.

I tried to recover, my arms pin-wheeling a little as I tried to regain my balance.

"Do _something_!" Genkai screamed at me, and with terrible force struck on my forearm with the blade of her hand, and my senses exploded in pain.

She _broke my arm_.

I was writhing on the ground, screaming in agony. It hurt to move, but I couldn't stop moving at the same time. She had hit my arm so hard I could see both of the little bones in my arm had snapped completely, and the middle of my forearm was bent at an unnatural angle.

Genkai was muttering something obscene, and then she was yelling for someone. I couldn't hear. I couldn't do anything but cry and hold my arm at the elbow. My stomach was churning and my feet scraped at the ground – my body was trying to find some kind of appropriate response to the blinding pain. Do something, anything.

I wished, hoped, and prayed that I could just pass out. I just wanted it all to go away. I was not so lucky.

Light footsteps ran across the courtyard, and a familiar figure knelt next to me. A cool hand pushed my hair out of my face, and maraschino eyes looked me over; Yukina.

"Aria-chan, please try to hold still." Yukina said soothingly.

"She broke… she broke…" That was all I could get out between my deep gasping breaths.

"I know, just hold on." Yukina pried my fingers away from my elbow, and took a firm grasp herself. "Hiei-san, take her wrist." I hadn't noticed Hiei, but a warm set of hands grasped my arm below the break. It hurt like hell when he moved it, but I tried not to scream.

They gave me no warning when they reset the bones. I definitely screamed then.

As soon as the bones were set, Yukina's hands began to glow and she held them over the break in my arm. A strong cold wrapped around my arm, and it quickly, thankfully, went numb. The pain slowly faded, and I was able to slow my heaving gasps.

It had been a while since I had broken any bones, but as the pain faded from the forefront of my consciousness I started to think about Yukina's glowing hands. I could focus now that I wasn't blinded by pain, and I experimented wiggling my fingers; no blinding burst of white-hot pain.

Yukina moved her glowing hands slowly over the rest of my injuries, and I could see little bruises fading, and muscles mending. She finished with my face, reducing a bruise that had been developing on my cheek. Her hands stopped glowing, and she helped me sit up.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, and it took me a minute to retrieve an appropriate answer.

"I feel… like new." I poked my arm experimentally where it had been broken only a few moments before. No excruciating agony. "Thank you!" Yukina beamed at me.

"Well now we know you're not a fighter, and not a healer." Genkai said dismissively. "Go get some water. We'll try again tomorrow." And with that, she left. Hiei, who had been watching, also vanished.

Thank. _God_.

Yukina helped me stand, and I wobbled for a moment, adrenaline still pumping through my system.

"You know, in a past life I would have actually considered myself a pretty decent fighter." My voice lilted a little, and I felt a little high from the adrenaline.

"Master Genkai is a very strong fighter – she's defeated many strong demons." Yukina assured me, but somehow that didn't help my damaged pride. She helped me into the temple, and to sit down at the table in the common area. "I'll bring you some tea."

I tried to sit up like a regular person, but I slowly hunched over until I could rest my head on the table. _What a day_…

"Human." I hadn't heard much it, but I could already recognize Hiei's voice when he spoke. I didn't think he had come back to the temple, but apparently he had.

"Do you mean me? I have a name; I bet you remember it." I didn't move from my almost-sleeping position at the table. That would have required effort.

"Hn." The non-descript answer made me sigh a little, and I turned my head without lifting it, so that my chin rested on my crossed forearms, but I didn't have to sit up to look at him.

"Fine – what's up?"

Hiei stood in the open _shoji_ door to the courtyard, hands in the pockets of his coat. _Does he wear that coat every day_? I thought to myself.

"Why did you ask me that?" It was a frustratingly vague question.

"Are we playing the pronoun game? Why did I ask you what?" I was a little annoyed, but it didn't seem to put him off.

"Yesterday; 'shouldn't we both get a second chance?'" He quoted me from yesterday, and I realized what a cheesy question it was when he repeated it.

"Right – what about it?" He didn't' answer and I got the impression he wasn't sure of his own question about it, or he didn't feel comfortable asking. I tried to fill in where he lacked proper questions.

"Everyone should get a second chance – first impressions, new experiences, whatever. No one's perfect the first time around, and it's unreasonable to _expect_ someone to be perfect." I sat up a little more at the table, propping my head up on my elbows. "To learn music, you have to practice over and over again. We don't expect musicians to be able to play beautifully the first time they see the music, but we want people to meet our every expectation at every turn? It's just not realistic."

Hiei didn't respond to my statement, so I continued.

"I like to think that humans – _people_ – can, and want, to change. But if we insist on defining people by our first impression, then we never give them a _chance_ to change; we trap them in our first impression, and judge them when they admit they aren't perfect. It's bullshit – so I give everyone a second chance when they fuck up." I finally sat up the rest of the way, shrugging. "It's never done me wrong. It might someday, but I still think I'll keep the tradition."

I looked to Hiei, whose expression had not changed the entire time I was talking. I smiled, hoping to get some kind of reaction, and made a self-depricating joke.

"I am what my family kindly referred to as 'a sucker'." That got me a snort of amusement. Progress.

Before I could ask him _why_ he had asked about our interaction yesterday, there were light footsteps in the hallway, and Hiei vanished.

Yukina slid open the door behind me, finally reappearing with tea in hand. I thanked her, and she gave me a little smile, and a little bow. She left me to relax, and I was thankful. Somehow, she always knew whether or not I wanted company; I never had to ask to be alone.

I drank Yukina's tea, and sighed.

I didn't want to like it here, but it was growing on me. It made no sense; Genkai was a violent psychopath, and none of the boys trusted me, and they had literally kept me in a closet for a few days… but it was growing on me. I liked Yukina, and the girls, and the quiet of the temple. And I liked the consistency. Sure, there were several things that didn't make sense, but they didn't change. Every time I awoke in America something else was wrong; it was home, and I so wanted it to be right. But something, _something_, was very, very wrong.

* * *

><p>John fussed over me excessively about passing out at the office. He tried to insist that I go back to a hospital, but I flat-out refused. I had spent enough time in a hospital. I bargained with him that I would keep my phone on me all day, and text him every hour that, yes, I was still conscious. That seemed to mollify him, and he left me in the apartment to relax.<p>

I was so tired of relaxing. I wanted to _do_ something. Nothing like the abuse I suffered at the hands of the ancient Japanese psychopath, but something more than TV surfing.

I wracked my brain for some activity or project that would occupy my day. Our apartment was fairly bare when it came to board games, or just games in general. We both typically worked fairly long hours, and tried to make an effort to actually go _out_ when we had time to spend together.

_But… _I remembered a long-forgotten puzzle that we had bought together when we first signed our lease. It was a scene of a farmhouse – it had been our promise that we wouldn't live in the apartment forever, and that we would eventually buy a house and move out of the city.

From what I remembered, that puzzle had been shoved to the back of the top shelf in the closet. Lo and behold – when I went looking, there it was.

I spread the puzzle out on the dining room table, and tried to put my life back together.

I wanted to love my life. I really did. _But_… my mind wandered, _something is wrong here_.

It was hard to ignore the mounting evidence that I must be losing my mind. The walls seemed like the wrong color, the mugs were the wrong weight, the car seats were too wide, and a handful of other details that _only I _seemed to notice. John was completely oblivious to the changes in the world around us, which made me think that it was something wrong with my perception.

_But then_…I thought, _when have I ever heard of that happening_?

I had no frame of reference for my insanity, and no one to talk to.

I called Dr. Allen.

* * *

><p>"It's nice to see you again, Aria." Dr Allen greeted me as I sat at the far end of the leather sofa. He still weirded me out, but he was being paid to listen so I might as well try. He settled into his chair, legal pad at the ready.<p>

"I was a little surprised to get your call; I wasn't expecting to see you for a few more days." He didn't look surprised.

I wrung my hands together for a moment, internally debating how much to say. From what I remembered, he couldn't repeat what I told him unless he thought I was a danger to myself or others.

_Here goes nothing_…

"Since California, I've been having these… dreams."


	12. Chapter 12 - Fly Away

A/N: Hi again, folks. I was really sick on Sunday and Monday, which is why you haven't gotten a new chapter yet. I'm trying to churn this one out as quick as possible, with a possibility of getting one more out before Christmas.

Also – I just hit 172 visitors to my story, which just blows me away. I never imagined that so many people would be _at all_ interested in reading my little story, most of which gets thought up during my commute to and from work.

Here's chapter 12!

* * *

><p>"Look alive, Dead Girl!"<p>

"Ha ha, very funny!"

Genkai was running behind me through the trees with ease. Her hands were even crossed behind her back as she trotted along.

I, on the other hand, was not doing quite so well. I had been a fairly proficient runner before I died, but this was _seven miles and counting_. And she had me running flat out.

Occasionally she would grab a tree branch and swing for my ankles or head. I was supposed to see these coming and dodge. I probably did so about nine times out of ten. I had a few bruises at this point.

We were on our third loop around the temple grounds when Genkai first steered me into the forest. Now we were on our second tour of the dark and mysterious woods.

Genkai was definitely herding me through the woods. If she lunged at my head from the right, I would lurch left. If she came from the left, I lurched right.

I suddenly burst from the treeline, and when I saw what was before my I scrambled to grab onto the last tree.

We were at the edge of a very scary-looking and deep ravine. The sides were incredibly steep, and it was surprisingly wide. It had already swallowed bits of several trees, and a couple of sharp-looking rocks were at the bottom.

"Well _shit_," I mumbled to myself, "I almost died."

"Almost." I heard Genkai agree, and saw her reach for a tree branch.

_Oh shit-_

Genkai swept my feet out from under me, and with no warning, as is typical for the homicidal psychopathic tendencies of Genkai, she took me by the ankle and hurled me out into empty space.

I screamed bloody murder.

_I'mgonnadieI'mgonnadieI'mgonnadie _kept repeating over and over in my head as I screamed, plummeting through open air.

You know how everyone says that your life flashes before your eyes when you think you're about to die? Apparently, that's not true. If it was, I probably wouldn't have thought about what my head would sound like when it would crack into itty-bitty pieces at the bottom.

And just like that, it was over.

I was caught in strong, warm arms in mid-air, and I instantly clung to whoever had caught me. We touched down on the ravine floor with surprising ease, but I didn't let go.

"Let go, human." Hiei's familiar voice grumbled. I then finally recognized the fabric that was clenched between my bloodless white fingers – Hiei's black coat.

"Sorry…" I mumbled, and he set me on my feet. I wobbled for a moment, reaching out a hand to the ravine wall to steady myself. Hiei stayed with me a moment as I steadied my breath. "Why did you catch me?"

He grunted. "Koenma wants you alive."

That seemed to be Hiei's favorite answer for acts of kindness.

"Well, thanks anyway."

Hiei vanished.

"Wait!" I called after him. "How am I supposed to get out of here?!"

And the freakiest thing happened. I heard Hiei's voice, but _inside my head_.

_Figure it out._

Yup. Sounded just like Hiei.

_Jerk._ I thought, trying to focus all of my will into thinking it _at_ Hiei. To my everlasting surprise, he answered me.

_And you're an idiot. _I had the distinct impression that he was teasing me. Well, two can play at that game.

_I guess that makes you an idiot for saving me. _

Hiei didn't reply.

And I was alone at the bottom of a muddy ravine.

* * *

><p>Heights have never really been my forte. As a firefighter out in the forest, there are not many opportunities to experience heights, or have a necessity to deal with them. Sure, there are firefighters that jump out of helicopters, but I am not one of those kinds. I am the kind that stay on the ground and hike seven miles.<p>

I walked from one end of the ravine to the other, just in case there was an easy way out. No such luck.

I picked what looked like the rockiest and weediest wall of the ravine to attempt my first ascension. Having had to descend a few fairly steep hills to put out fires at the bottom, I had always been fond of the extra handholds and footholds provided by rough terrain.

My first ascension did not go well.

Nor did the second.

Or the third. All of my handholds came loose in the slippery mud, and sent me tumbling and crashing back down to the bottom of the ravine.

I sat in the mud, staring up at the ravine wall.

_Fine, _I thought, _we'll do it the hard way._

I moved to the slickest, steepest part of the ravine. There were no convenient handholds, just slippery, lumpy mud. _This will be just peachy_, I thought.

_Just give up._ I heard Hiei's voice whispering in my head again.

_Fuck you_, I replied.

I shoved my foot deep into the mud about three feet off the ground. I gave it a tentative step, and while it slid a few inches, it basically held. I stepped up, putting all of my weight on that foot, and shoved my other foot into the mud another two feet up. I got the same result – while I slid down an inch or two, it basically held.

_Well, whaddaya know_.

I ascended slowly, always testing each foothold before stepping up. I couldn't quite believe that this was going so smoothly. I kept expecting to come unstuck from the wall – that it would shake me loose as all of my other attempts had ended.

My heart leapt into my throat as my worst fear was almost realized. I started to slide significantly as I neared the halfway point. The mud was thinner, and hadn't had time to settle as much as the lower part of the ravine. I sped up my steps, not taking the time to test each step as carefully; I was focused on getting the hell out of the ravine.

I was slipping and sliding all over the place, and I was composed of mostly mud myself at that point. I started to swear like a filthy sailor, screaming that I was not going to let this damn cliff beat me.

I don't know if the mud accepted me as one of its own, but my rate of slippage did not accelerate. While it didn't get any easier, it didn't get harder either.

With one final burst of energy, I almost swam up the rest of the mud, reaching with great enthusiasm for a shrub leaning over the side. I used it like a rescue rope, and physically hauled myself the last five feet, until I sprawled out on the beautiful, _beautiful_ muddy grass at the edge of the ravine.

_Safe_.

Hiei was waiting for me at the top.

"You're stubborn."

"And you're an asshole." He snorted. I lay on the grass, recovering my energy. I probably looked like a demon myself; covered from head to toe in ravine mud, with bits of grass and general muck stuck all over.

"You should have given up." I wasn't surprised to hear him say it, as he had made the comment before my last attempt at ascent, but it made me mad.

I stood, attempting to brush a little mud off my hands in the grass in the process, and fixed him with a serious expression.

"I don't give up. I can't. It's just a part of my nature. I've always been told what I can and can't do, and I don't accept it. I will fight and _fight_ and break every bone in my body before I let anyone stop me from doing whatever the hell I want. I belong only to myself, and only I can tell myself to give up. And I _never will_." It was a passionate speech, and one I had said many times to myself standing in front of a mirror. Sometimes I had been crying, sometimes I had been injured.

"There will always be someone trying to put you down, or treat you like less than you are. Tell them all to fuck off." That being said, I turned on Hiei like lightning. "And who the hell are _you_ to tell me to give up?"

"You're just a human." He said it so simply, so casually; it lit my blood on fire.

"And you're just a fire demon!" He bristled at that. "_See_? See how it feels?" The tone he had used was so familiar, so deprecating. I had heard it many times, but usually in the context of being 'just a woman'. It made me absolutely insane every time I heard it.

"I am stronger than _any_ human. You would do well to remember that." Hiei was angry with me; I could hear it in his tone. But I wasn't about to let this one go.

"Well, I bet I'm better at singing." It was kind of a lame comparison, but I was pretty sure I knew what his answer was going to be. I was right.

"What does that have to do with anything?" He snarled, and I was ready with my reply.

"What does _strength_ have to do with anything?" I'm sure there were plenty of times in both of our lives, but it wasn't _everything_. There was so much more to _living_ than just brute force.

"This argument is idiotic."

"You're the one still arguing with an idiot!" He growled deep in his chest, and vanished.

* * *

><p>When I finally made it back to the temple - no thanks to Hiei - I had the longest and most glorious shower in the history of hot water. Swear to god. I wanted nothing more than to stay in the bathroom for the next week, but apparently the capacity of the water heater had other ideas.<p>

I went to the kitchen to get a hot drink, and glared at Genkai on the way out. She smirked at me, drinking her tea.

"Welcome back." She greeted me.

"No thanks to you, crazy." I muttered, and she actually gave a small laugh. _Definitely_ crazy.

Yukina caught up to my long strides as I left the kitchen, and was kind enough to bless me with those glowing hands again. Yukina was definitely my favorite person here. She relieved me of my aching muscles, the bruises on my face and legs, and left me feeling just a little less frustrated.

I thanked her profusely, and she just gave me that little smile, and little bow. The woman was a saint.

I sat in my bed, towel-drying my hair, and wished I had something to occupy my time. The puzzle I was working on back in America, for example.

I loved that puzzle, and it was such a shame that it had gotten lost-

I froze.

I had lost that puzzle. When we moved apartments several years before, the puzzle had gotten lost. I had looked everywhere. It had never turned up.

_So how was I putting it together in America?_

* * *

><p>"Are you putting the pieces together?" Dr. Allen asked me, and I was pulled out of my thoughts. I had been focused on the cracks in the leather couch, and how they reminded me of a bar code.<p>

"Excuse me?"

"You mentioned things have been hard for you since coming back – that you feel fractured. Are you putting the pieces together?" It was such a strange turn of phrase; not one I would have chosen offhand.

"Yes…" I said slowly, trying to smile. "It's been difficult, but I think I'm figuring things out."

Dr. Allen smiled, scribbling something on his legal pad.

_Everything is fine_. I tried repeating for the hundredth time in my head. It didn't work.

Everything was _not_ fine.

* * *

><p>Dr. Allen and I made another appointment for the next day, as he wanted to take more time to discuss the strange dreams I had been having. I left his office quickly, almost jogging to my car. I rushed driving home, and was almost surprised I wasn't pulled over for speeding. That highway was famous for its speed traps, but I had yet to see a single cop car.<p>

I rushed up the steps of the apartment, fumbling with my keys. I stopped just before putting the key in the lock, staring at our front door.

_Wasn't this door blue? _For some reason, the green door before me seemed odd. I knew that it had always been green, but a part of my brain was screaming _blue! Blue! _I finally placed the memory – the door to the house in the _puzzle_ had been blue – but what happened next made me drop my keys, and clutch at my heart.

The color of the door – for just a moment – had been blue.

* * *

><p>AN: And if that doesn't set your hair on end, nothing will.

I know that the time she spends in America is getting shorter, but I'm trying not to linger there if it's not necessary.

A tiny part of the feminist in me loves the dialogue between Aria and Hiei in this chapter. I've always had an issue with Hiei/OC stories where the human is completely helpless all the time and has no issue being defenseless. I also have issues where the human always has to develop strong powers before the relationship can evolve. Basically – I have issues where the woman's worth is tied to her abilities.

My little rant is over now.

Until next time!


	13. Chapter 13 - I Can't

A/N: I am so sorry that I haven't posted anything in a few days – this chapter has been killing me, and it may be hard to believe, but this chapter was originally meant to be _four_ different chapters. Merry Christmas.

* * *

><p>I hit the ground. Again.<p>

"_Get up_!" Genkai yelled. On shaky hands and legs, I stumbled to my feet, holding my hands up in a defensive position. I tasted blood on my lips – I had split my lip on the pavers this time around.

Genkai had made me run the gamut. We had run the forest a dozen times, with her smacking me left and right. We had played a sadistic game of hide-and-seek, where if she found me I got clobbered with a stick. We had meditated, and every time I shifted around she would hit me on the forehead with her tiny, angry hands. And now, we were back to combat.

I was a mess.

One eye was swollen shut, and a cut over that eye was bleeding profusely. My hands, arms, torso, legs – let's just say everything – were bruised. I think I had a cracked rib. Genkai had been getting steadily more violent during the day, as if that would somehow make me manifest my hidden energy.

It wasn't working.

"Focus on your energy, and visualize a barrier." She gave me a few seconds to focus – to work around the fuzziness creeping at my senses from repeated blows to the head. I tried, I really did. My head ached already, and the intense focus I was applying to the image of a barrier definitely was not helping.

No barrier appeared.

I expected her to vanish and knock me over, but she didn't move. Genkai glared at me from across the courtyard. "You are a failure."

I didn't reply. If I did, she would seize the opportunity to clobber me over the head again. I probably had concussions on top of my concussions.

She turned away from me, and walked back to the temple. "We're done."

I didn't move. I was waiting for her to disappear again and hit me. She didn't. She just calmly walked into the temple, and slid the shoji door shut.

I waited, barely standing and bleeding all over the place, for her to return. I was met only with birdsong and breezes.

_You can move, human. _I head Hiei's voice in my head, but I stayed still, hands up in my defensive position. He appeared suddenly before me, and I tensed; ready.

"Calm down. I'm not going to hit you." He snapped. He put his hands over my fists, and lowered them. I was shaking and unsteady on my feet. "Go sit down before you fall over, stupid."

"Stop calling me that." I mumbled. "I may not be able to use my energy like Genkai wants, but I'm not stupid."

"Hn."

I walked on my own to the temple porch and sat heavily on the polished wood. It felt amazing to sit down, and I heaved a sigh, quickly followed by a wince of pain from my cracked rib.

I wanted to completely collapse on the porch, but my rib wasn't going to have any of that.

"You know," I addressed Hiei, "if you want to be nice, you could get me an ice pack or something."

"Hn." He vanished, and I sigh/winced again. So much for getting an ice pack.

I sat alone, contemplating the ache settling into my bones. I wanted to get up, to clean up at least a little, or to just get something to drink, but I couldn't find the motivation to move.

Light footsteps and a tiny gasp signaled Yukina's arrival. I tried to smile in her direction, but I don't think it helped much.

I love Yukina's glowing hands. They're my favorite thing.

She moved from my broken ribs to my swollen eye, then sealing my split lip with one tiny glowing finger. My bruises faded, and my muscles relaxed.

Have I said that Yukina was my favorite person? It bears repeating.

"Are you feeling better, Aria-chan?"

"I'm certainly feeling less cracked around the edges." I gave Yukina a tired smile, which she returned with her little smile, and little bow.

I appreciated Yukina more than I let her know. She didn't force her presence on anyone around her, but she was always available when Genkai broke me in half. She closed the shoji door behind her, and I was alone on the porch once more.

Or so I thought.

"She would have stopped, if you asked." Hiei had a bad habit of disappearing when other people were around, but then reappearing to harass me, it seemed.

"Don't you have a dark corner to lurk in?" My barb managed to miss him entirely.

"Humans are weaker; quitting only confirms what we already know." Hiei's casually submissive nature was definitely not friendly. What a jerk.

"I told you; I don't quit." I snarled. "So fuck off."

"Hn." And he vanished.

I flopped back onto the porch, and spread out my arms on the smooth planks. I wondered how on earth someone like Yukina and Hiei could exist in the same universe; a saint and an aggravation. And somehow, both seemed to be fond of me.

I was so damn tired.

* * *

><p>I lay in bed in my apartment for a long time, just staring at the ceiling. I tried to imagine it changing pattern or color, like what had happened with the door, but nothing happened.<p>

Had I imagined it?

I was certain I hadn't.

I dressed slowly, going through the motions of being a normal person. I made coffee and breakfast, and sat at the table, looking out the window to the world outside.

Everything seemed okay.

I tried to imagine how a door could change colors for a hair of a moment. I thought about a whole range of possibilities, and it briefly included color-changing mood paint. I was a child of the 1990s, what can I say?

The apartment I knew so well was _almost_ right, in so many ways. Things I had ignored for years seemed _almost_ where I left them, or _almost_ how I remembered it. It was just wrong enough to be disturbing on a number of levels.

As I made coffee, for example; the coffee maker had been broken a number of years back, and while it still made coffee it always made a clicking sound when it dispensed coffee. And while I had never really paid attention to the sound, it was noticeably absent now.

I wanted everything to be fine. I wanted the coffee maker to click, and the mugs to be heavy, and the door to stay green and the wall to be the right color. I wanted to go to sleep in America and wake up in America. I wanted certainty.

But I couldn't be sure.

"How are you today, Aria?" Dr. Allen's question was simple. He was dressed in the grey clothing that made him blend in with the walls again. He looked up from his notepad, and gave me an expectant look.

I wondered if I was being unreasonably suspicious of this man. After all, none of his questions were out of the reasonable realm for a therapist to ask.

"Aria?" He was waiting for an answer.

"I'm very confused." I finally replied. I thought about uncurling myself from the corner of the sofa, and decided against it. What little comfort I found in being far away from the therapist was helping me to talk openly.

"Why is that?" Another very reasonable question.

"I feel like things are just… wrong?" I answered vaguely.

"Like with your dreams?" He probed again.

While I had told him that I was having peculiar dreams, I had yet to discuss the actual content. I had told Dr. Allen that my dreams were very realistic, and that they featured an alternate life where I had died. Beyond that I went into very little detail. He was intensely curious about my dreams, that somehow it was the key to helping me 'overcome the trauma of the fire'. But oddly enough, I didn't feel as though the fire had 'traumatized' me. I would say that I thought about it roughly as often as I thought about potatoes.

That's not often, by the way.

I dodged the question, and he pitched again; "And how is training going?"

Not for the first time, he had an odd choice of phrasing. My mind jumped instantly to my training with Genkai, which he could not possible be referencing.

"What?" My eloquent response.

"To get back in the field again?" I supposed that made sense. It turned his curious phrasing into an innocuous and reasonable question. But again – it disturbed me.

"It's difficult, but I'm doing my best." I wondered if I could curl up any tighter on the sofa. He nodded, and scribbled something on that legal pad.

I wondered if it would be poor form to rip that thing out of his hands, dump it in the wastebasket, and set it on fire.

Hmm.

It might set off the smoke detector.

Maybe later.

"Focus your energies." He interrupted my train of thought again.

"What?" Now I was sure his phrasing was odd.

It sounded _just like_ what Genkai had been yelling at me for three days.

"I'm sure if you focus all of your energy on it, you'll recover quickly." And again, his rephrasing turned it from a curious turn of phrase into a reasonable question.

"Thanks for the encouragement; I'll do my best." He returned the answer with a little smile. It didn't reach his eyes. In a way, he reminded me of Kurama; he had a subtle yet predatory presence that was unsettling to say the least.

While I considered that I might be injecting my fears onto a perfectly normal person, I had subjected myself to enough, I thought. I resolved that I wouldn't be coming back to this office.

Because, after all, everything was fine.

_Everything is fine._

* * *

><p>Without Genkai to abuse me, I found myself in a self-abusive mood. I rose early, had coffee and breakfast, and was out in the courtyard not long after sunrise. I sort of expected her to appear and hit me over the head, but she didn't.<p>

Without the crazy old lady directing me, I started to return to my roots. I stood in the courtyard, trying to remember the steps.

"What are you doing?" My personal headache addressed me. He had appeared in the usual way on the Temple porch, leaning casually on a pillar.

"Remembering." I replied tersely. "If you don't mind, this is difficult enough without an audience."

He stepped down from the porch, approaching me in the center of the courtyard.

"And that is?" I glanced at hi, intending to glare, but he looked genuinely curious. In a Hiei sort of way, I supposed.

"It's an Okinawan style of martial arts called _Uechi-ryu_. I studied it for several years, and I find it soothing, not to mention effective." I smiled a little, adding "That motion I used to throw you when we first met is from this style."

He snorted. "That won't happen again."

"I'm sure."

He stood there, still watching me as I adjusted my feet into the proper positioning.

"You look ridiculous." There was that casually demeaning tone again. I would have thrown my shoe at him if I thought it had a chance of actually hitting him.

"So there's never been a time in your life when you didn't have your sword, and were weakened by battle? There's nothing to be lost by adding to your skills." I honestly believed that to be the truth.

"Hn."

"Well, I'm going through the motions. You're welcome to stay." I tried to ignore him, and focused on my own body.

_Set yourself, breathe, and… hands up. _

As always, when I began a kata, my worries and aches fell to the sidelines.

_Step, and strike_.

As always, the few minutes I spent in kata provided me with peace. I couldn't think about my job, or my bills, or whatever other little aggravations nagged from the sidelines.

_Turn, and block, now strike._

It heightened my focus, and gave me relief from my daily woes.

_Block, kick, draw down, strike._

Hiei watched me go through a round of the kata named _Seisan_. There is a quick jump and strike at the end – interestingly enough, the same move I used to throw him when we first met.

"That's how you did it." Hiei picked up on the move, commenting as I finished the kata with the customary bow.

"Yes. It took me a long time to be able to do this without fear." I took a moment to catch my breath – I was a little out of practice. "For my test, the practice sword we use that's made of light bamboo wasn't available, and so my partner was swinging at me with a solid oak practice sword." I laughed a little at the memory. "I was terrified that if he missed, or if I didn't jump high enough, that he would break my ankle."

"How long did you train?" Again, Hiei surprised me with his apparent genuine curiosity.

"Ten years. It sounds more impressive if I leave out the fine print that I took a four year gap in the middle. It took me a while to be able to test for my Shodan – black belt – because I kept getting hurt during training."

I would have said that I had several scars to show for it, but they were oddly absent from my body in Japan.

"Show me something else." _A 'please' wouldn't hurt… _I thought to myself.

"Well, okay." What could it hurt? Hiei didn't seem to think much of me, and I had the opportunity to teach him something.

"The basic of basics is preventing yourself from getting hit at all. You are to be almost ether, and allow the enemy to exert all their energy while you are happily relaxing beyond his reach."

"Sounds too easy." _Must… not… think mean thoughts…_

"Hit me – at human speed, please. I don't want to burden Yukina with more broken bones." Hiei obliged, thought a touch faster than I would consider 'human speed'.

Blocking basic punches involves first shifting your stance to take your center line out of the direction of the punch. Second, There is a direct block – while many styles will either catch the arm or hand directing the punch, this style applies very light pressure to the side or top of the arm – just enough to redirect the blow just past your body.

These actions, while there are two steps, are done almost simultaneously. When done properly, your opponent notices very little except that you are no longer in their line of fire.

"Again." Hiei declared, and I readied myself.

He punched again, and again, and again. I continued to block. Hiei wasn't getting angry, just repeating the punches, trying to analyze my movements.

"Do you want to try? I know you could just do your super-fast movement thing, but…" I let the statement hang.

He stopped punching.

"Okay – remember, human speed." That being said, I went for him as fast as I could. Initially, he blocked too hard, and didn't step out of the way. I gave him correcting notes, and he listened intently. With every round, he got better. I attributed some to his many years of past training, but he was also trying.

We worked on that one block for thirty minutes, until Hiei seemed satisfied.

"What else?"

I couldn't help it – I laughed. "There's a lot more."

* * *

><p>At the end of the day I sat on the porch of the temple, oddly reminiscent of my last day of training with Genkai. This time, though, it was different. Hiei sat on the porch with me.<p>

"Here." He handed me a bottle of water.

"Thanks." I would probably need the better part of a lake to re-hydrate, but the olive branch was nice.

I wasn't sure why Hiei spent time with me, why he talked in my head, or why he was offering me this tiny gesture of kindness. He was a complicated creature, and his interest in this one stupid human perplexed me.

"Hiei?"

"What now."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"If absolutely necessary."

I paused for a long time, contemplating my exact phrasing.

"What's your question?" Hiei asked; I guess I took a little too long.

"It's just… I thought you hated me?" It sounded like such a middle-school question, but it continued to confuse me. Hiei had been a significant presence in my life for the last few days, while our first interactions had been rather… negative.

"I think nothing of you." _Ouch._ I was just about fed up with Hiei's condescending tone.

"Well this _nothing_ just taught you something useful." I crossed my arms over my chest, and flashed a confident smile.

I really should have just left the conversation where it had started – thanking Hiei for the bottle of water. I really shouldn't have tried to sate my curiosity. But that was my weakness – my curiosity. When it comes to questions, I just can't let up.

Hiei's friendly demeanor faded quickly, and he sneered at me.

"Hn. And now you have no further use to me."

He vanished.

* * *

><p>AN: Hiei is a complicated creature, no? If you're at all interested, go ahead and look on youtube for Uechi-Ryu and Seisan – there are some neat instructional videos.

Thanks for your patience and support while I plunked out this long chapter. Please review!


	14. Chapter 14 - Neither Here Nor There

A/N: This chapter went through a number of different versions before I settled on this format. I appreciate your patience as I worked out the kinks! I know that the flow in this chapter can be a touch confusing, but the idea is you get some sort of the same level of confusion as the character herself. I also know that it's not terribly exciting, but it will pick up in the next chapter, I promise.

Annnnddddd I should probably apologize for not posting in like… a week.

* * *

><p>I poured my laundry into the washer, indiscriminate of color or care instructions, and added an adequate amount of soap before slamming the lid down. Hiei's inconsiderate actions had left me a little steamed around the edges, and I was taking it out on the poor washing machine.<p>

Grumbling something foul under my breath, I turned the little dial, and pretended for a moment that it was a miniature voodoo of Hiei's neck. I didn't hear any gurgling screams from the underbrush, so I guess it didn't work.

I made sure the machine was running before I went to the kitchen – I can't tell you how many times I have hit "power" instead of "start" on a washing machine. It's embarrassing, really.

I almost ran over Genkai, who was on her way out of the kitchen with her tea. I could only imagine what horrible thing she might have done to me if I had stubbed her toe or something.

"Uh, hi, Master Genkai."

"Dead girl." She greeted me with her customary grunt. I tried to keep my face from twitching. _How hard is it to say 'Aria'?_

"I'm just curious – where _is_ everyone? I haven't seen Kuwabara or Yusuke – not to mention Kurama – in a while." I had seen neither hide nor hair of them any of the days Genkai had been training/beating me.

Genkai slid the shoji to the common room open with her foot, and without bothing to turn and face me I could tell she had a sour look on her face. "They were here when we thought that you were dangerous. Now that we know you're completely useless they don't need to check on you." And with a _swish_ of the shoji she was gone.

Surly old woman.

* * *

><p>I poured my laundry into the washer, indiscriminate of color or care instructions, and added an adequate amount of soap before closing the lid. I shook my head a little, trying to rid myself of the feeling of déjà vu. <em>This is the apartment laundry<em>, I reminded myself, _not Genkai's. _

Although, spookily enough, it seemed like _somehow_ both my apartment complex and Genkai had managed to purchase the same brand and style of washing machine. What are the odds of that?

I turned the dial, and almost hit the "power" button instead of "start". I shook my head a little, trying to wake up a little more, and hit the right button.

I generally liked doing laundry in the early mornings – no one else from the complex was in the common area, and I could occupy the one lonely chair next to the door and read in peace. Ordinarily I would have taken a cat nap, but I didn't want a repeat of the last time I napped – the middle of the night at Genkai's temple is a little creepy.

I settled into the chair and opened my book – _Lucifer's Hammer_ – and began on a familiar page. I love that book so much; a giant asteroid slams into the earth and it nearly kills every person on earth. Such a cheerful book. Ha ha.

I like books where people have to pick up the remaining pieces of their lives and forge it into something new. I found the idea particularly attractive now, as I had too many pieces and not enough _me_ to fit it all into.

I stopped reading for a moment, shifting in my chair uncomfortably. I fought to ignore the sensation that someone was watching me; Hiei wasn't here, and 99.9% of the time I thought I was being watched it was his fault. And besides that – the laundry room here was in a basement with no windows, and I was sitting next to the door.

But I just couldn't shake the feeling.

I shifted in my chair two more times before I gave up on reading entirely. I left my laundry churning happily in the machine, hoping that it wouldn't be stolen before I remembered to go back, and retreated to the comfort of my apartment.

I sat on my sofa, wrapping myself in my favorite blanket, and tried to ignore the world. I couldn't work, I didn't want to talk to anyone, and John was at work. I wanted to be one with the sofa. Maybe I was behaving like a five-year-old, but I really didn't care.

I went back a little later to move my nearly-forgotten laundry to the dryer, and almost tore the laundry room apart trying to _find _the damn stuff. Some good Samaritan had moved my things to a dryer already, but had failed to mark it in any way. As I pulled the laundry from the dryer I wondered absently who else in the building did their laundry so early in the morning.

* * *

><p>I had almost forgotten about my laundry entirely. I pulled my laundry out of the dryer and heaped it on top of the machine, folding each item carefully, and pairing my socks to make sure the machine hadn't eaten any. I kind of preferred the little laundry room in Genkai's temple to the laundry dungeon in America.<p>

_If I get a chance, I need a laundry basket_, I thought to myself. Of all the things to miss…

I had a nice, neat pile, and shuffled doors open expertly with my foot as I carried it to my room. The stack wasn't high enough to obscure my vision, but I paused before walking through doors, just in case the tiny, surly old woman happened to be going by. Luckily, she did not appear. Apparently laundry day does not merit insults.

_Is that you?_ I thought, trying to direct my thoughts.

Hiei appeared in my doorway without replying. I smiled in greeting, then remembered that I had been mad at him the previous day.

"What are you smiling at?" Hiei picked up on the curious action.

I laughed just a little, and shook my head. "It sounds strange to say, but I'm just happy you answered me." He gave me quite the peculiar look, which only made me smile more. "You know, I bet you're the only person in the world who knows where I am all the time." I shrugged. "It seems that way, at least."

"I could care less what you do or where you are." There was Hiei with his condescending tone again. But I was getting used to it, and refused to let his tone bother me.

"Perhaps, but you still _know_. I think you even care, if just a _little_ bit." I was stretching with that last bit, hoping to get just a little comfort from the stoic and surly fire demon.

"Nonsense." He muttered, and vanished.

I was a little surprised. Of all the strange and sideways comments Hiei had made about my worth or lack of intelligence, that was probably his weakest comeback. It gave me hope.

* * *

><p>I was pleasantly surprised that evening when the temple came alive with activity. I could hear Yusuke and Kuwabara fighting long before I could see them, so it was no great surprise when they came into view at the top of the temple steps. I was surprised, however, to see that Kurama was also accompanying them, but keeping a safe distance in case fists started flying.<p>

Yukina and I greeted them from the temple porch. Kurama breezed past me with a quiet "Good evening, Aria.", but Yusuke and Kuwabara stopped for a proper greeting. Yusuke and I both shared a grin as Kuwabara turned into a ball of mumbling mush in front of the tiny Yukina, and a delicate blush crossed her pale cheeks. It was really quite cute.

"So Genkai beat you up, huh?" I raised an eyebrow.

"How can you tell?" Yukina had healed me at the end of every session, and I had yet to find a phone anywhere in the temple.

"Your spirit energy is still pretty low." Yusuke stretched, putting his hands behind his head. "When the old bat was done with me, my energy had grown a lot." He grinned, and clapped me on the back. "But I guess you're harmless!"

I know he was trying to be nice or comforting or whatever, but I responded with a sour "gee, thanks."

"Look on the bright side – since we don't have to worry about you, I can give Botan and Keiko the go-ahead to take you out on the town." Now _that_ was good news.

Lost for words, I jumped down from the porch and leapt on Yusuke with the biggest and tightest hug I could manage. Generally, my superhugs make people's ribs creak, but Yusuke seemed generally immune to my muscular power. He did laugh, and patted me on the back awkwardly.

"Hey now, I didn't know women went this crazy without shopping!"

"You're a jerk, Yusuke." I muttered around my superhug.

"You're wasting everyone's time, detective." Hiei interrupted our special bonding moment. He looked especially surly. I could see Kurama and Koenma in the room behind him, already seated at the table. _When did Koenma get here_? I wondered to myself. _And what is he doing here?_

Yusuke patted he on the head, and I released him with a "thanks, Yusuke,"

"Don't mention it." He stepped up onto the porch, grabbing Kuwabara by the ear and dragging him into the common room.

"Come on, idiot." Hiei ignored Kuwabara's yelps and complaints completely, just stepping lightly to one side. He glanced at me, and I smiled, holding my arms open.

"You want a hug, too?" I asked jokingly. He made a disgusted face, and closed the shoji door roughly. I don't think he got the joke.

* * *

><p>I have a curiosity level that would put cats to shame. After Hiei slammed the shoji door nearly in my face, I could still hear just a little bit of their conversation through the walls, and I heard the little TV hum to life.<p>

"Okay…" I muttered, "_now_ I'm curious." I walked around the corner, and saw that they may have closed the doors, but had left the window open. I crawled under the windowsill, and listened in to their secret meeting.

"-need to take this more seriously, Yusuke!" That was Koenma, chastising him for a comment I didn't hear.

"This is overkill! Who cares if some nobody demon is wandering around the human world?" Definitely Yusuke. "You just told us he doesn't really have any powers, so why are you worried?"

"Does he look _harmless_ to you!?"

Now truly dying of curiosity, I slowly peeked over the windowsill, enjoying my super-sleuth moment. Koenma, Yusuke, and Kuwabara were seated at the table, and Hiei was leaning against a wall in his typical fashion. Koenma was gesturing to the TV, and the face on the screen-

My mouth dropped, and I clapped my hands over my mouth to keep from screaming.

_What the hell_ ?

_What the hell?!_

I dropped from my peeking position, and lay flat on the wood. My heart felt like it was about to crawl out of my throat, and my legs had turned to Jell-o.

_What the hell is going on?_

* * *

><p>They stayed in that common room for a long time afterwards, until night had settled well and comfortable around the temple. I had retreated to my room once or twice, the second time retrieving a large and warm cardigan sweater to ward off the night's chill.<p>

I avoided the common areas as I heard everyone leaving, as indicated by the loud sounds of arguing that seem to follow Kuwabara and Yusuke wherever they go together. Long after everyone had gone, I went back outside, hoping to find some answers in the night sky. I could have just gone to sleep, but that seemed more disturbing than staying awake as long as possible.

I sat outside the temple on the porch, swinging my feet in the air. I stared up at the moon and stars as clouds obscured and revealed them. Without a sound to alert me, the familiar sensation of being watched made me aware of Hiei's presence.

"Won't you join me?" I didn't avert my gaze from the heavens above, just patted the wood beside me. There was no response, and I thought maybe he was just passing through; that I was alone again.

"Why are you awake, human?" I glanced at him, having suddenly appeared standing on the porch beside me. I didn't think that he _would_ join me, and I was almost surprised to see him.

"Maybe I'm lonely. Maybe I'm crazy. I haven't decided yet." I laughed bitterly, and drew my sweater tighter around me.

I was starting to hate this place. I wanted to love it, but it was really challenging everything I thought I knew about my life, both past and present. I had been happy, _really_ happy, and now I was stuck wandering around the same sections of a little Japanese temple over and over and over and over again. That alone was enough to make _anyone_ insane, and on top of that I kept going back to my _real _life, which for whatever reason wasn't _quite_ right.

I had almost forgotten Hiei was with me on the porch until he spoke.

"Tell me." Even though his words themselves were rough, he sounded almost…concerned? I let out a tiny laugh.

"Who are you and what did you do with Hiei?" He glowered, and I put my hands up in apology. "I'm sorry, I'm just tired." _Emotionally, physically, psychologically exhausted, to be exact, _I thought to myself.

I wrestled with myself – in rare form, Hiei was offering to listen to my crazy situation, but that meant revealing possible insanity. But at the same time, I was just too tired of keeping everything to myself.

_Here goes nothing…_

"After you and I met, and you hit me over the head, I woke up back in America. Everything was fine; I wasn't dead, and I thought I had dreamt this whole thing. Everything was fine for just a few minutes. Then I went back to sleep, and woke up in Genkai's temple."

All of the sharing was making my adrenaline rush, and I was getting fidgety. I stood as I talked, swinging my arms a little and playing with my hair. It was all I could really do to release my mounting distress.

"Every night I go to sleep here, and wake up in America. Every night I go to sleep in America and wake up here. I wake up in America, and I can see my friends, my family… I even see a therapist who's 'helping me through my trauma' from the fire." I rolled my eyes at the thought. "Who sees a therapist in their own dreams?" Hiei tilted his head a little and I explained briefly; "A therapist… talks to you about issues in your life, and helps you come to terms with them."

"That's stupid." He grunted.

"Hey, you asked..." I flushed a little with embarrassment.

"Continue." He urged me on (with as much enthusiasm as he could, I suppose).

"Uh right. I feel like I'm going insane, but my home _seems_ right, and everything here _seems _right. But I just can't tell. Am I just having really realistic dreams? And how can I tell _which one_ is real?"

I looked to Hiei, who was watching me intently "So… what do you think?" I thought he might say I was crazy. I thought he might say that I was dangerous. I thought he might call me a 'stupid human', or any of the other typical Hiei actions. But he said nothing.

I was suddenly aware of how close I was to Hiei, as he was standing in front of me. _When did he stand?, _I thought. I had been too wrapped up in my confession to notice. There was maybe two feet of space between us, and I could feel his body heat radiating in waves, warming me in the freezing night. He didn't move closer, but he didn't pull away. He stood there, hands in the pockets of his coat, bathing me in his radiant warmth. It was nice.

"This is real." He said quietly. His tone wasn't gruff or angry; just simple and honest.

"How can I _know_?" I struggled to find my voice. He thought for a moment, and replied.

"Here, things aren't what you expect." I thought about that. It was a solid statement, but not one that I fully understood.

"Can you… explain that a little better?" I fiddled with another lock of my hair. He was making me a little nervous, being so close.

"Hn. You say you're not stupid, you figure it out." And then, in perfect Hiei style, he vanished.

Alone on the lawn, with Hiei's body heat gone, the cold rushed in with terrible vengeance. I scampered back into the temple, slamming the _shoji_ door behind me. I padded to the kitchen, looking for something warm to chase the chills away.

"Can't sleep?" Genkai was already standing in the kitchen, nursing what must have been her 10,000th cup of tea. I swear the woman was probably composed of surliness and tea. But that was no reason to not attempt civility.

"Yep. Any more of that tea around?" She nodded to the pot.

"It's got tequila in it." She warned.

"Sounds like my kind of tea." I poured an extra-large mug. Genkai raised an eyebrow.

"Rough night?" It was my night for sympathetic ears. I shrugged, sipping my tea. Scratch that – it was tequila with a tea chaser.

"I think it's safe to say I've had a rough time of it in general since I died." She grunted in affirmation, and we drank our tequila tea in silence together. It was nice.

The tequila soon did its job, and I stumbled back to my comfy bed. I burrowed under the blankets, and let myself drift away. _Tonight_, I thought, _I get answers._

* * *

><p>AN: What did Aria see on the TV? Why is the world topsy-turvy? The time has come! In the next chapter, you get (some) _answers! _


	15. Chapter 15 - Shattered

I woke up in America with John pressing the back of his hand to my forehead. It was late in the morning, and he had a look of kind concern. "I was worried you might not be feeling well."

I stretched lazily, and ran my fingers through my tangled hair. John liked it long, but it was getting a little out of hand.

"Can you call in sick today?" I asked, yawning. "I haven't seen much of you lately." He chuckled, and shook his head.

"Sorry, I have a big project that I need to work on. I'll see you tonight, ok?" John kissed me on the forehead, and I reached out to squeeze his hand. "Don't stay in bed all day."

I pouted in bed for a little while after he left, then puttered around the apartment in my pajamas for a while. I made coffee, then splurged by making pancakes, and tried to occupy myself in a good bad movie; _Plan 9 from outer space_.

There is a fair amount if mindless activity you can use to occupy yourself when you're avoiding real responsibilities. True, I had deliberately gone to sleep to try and find answers tonight, but I just didn't want to get going.

I got dressed in warm and comfy clothing – it was starting to get pretty cold here – and ventured out into the world. I wrapped my scarf around my neck, tucking the ends into my jacket. I jumped a little as the home phone rang, but I ignored it and rushed out the door, further avoiding responsibility.

I walked to the open-air market down the street, snuggling my nose into my scarf and clenching my fingers in my mittens. It was colder than I had expected, but not the coldest it had ever been. It was a perfectly average winter day. The sidewalk was as bumpy as I remembered, and for a little while I lost myself in the perfect familiarity of the neighborhood. Everything was exactly as it should have been.

I had always loved weekends at the market. As hippy-dippy as my hometown could be, I greatly enjoyed the stubborn nature of farmers when faced with the winter. They would stick it out outside as long as they still had fruits and vegetables to sell, but grumble and go home when it finally started to snow.

I had a favorite farm, too; Hickory Nut Gap. I found their familiar booth, but when I peeked around the corner I didn't see a familiar face. There was a tiny woman – almost small enough to be called a girl – standing where I usually saw a friend.

"Where's Andy?" I asked, and she turned huge eyes on me.

"She's sick today, so I'm filling in for her."

"I haven't seen you here before She definitely didn't look familiar. Her corn silk-white hair was poking out of her lumpy knitted winter cap, and her pale, pale eyes were just a little too large to look normal. She was a tiny little thing, but had sharp features and an intense owl-like stare.

"Well, I'm new. My name's Mishka." She held out an apple in both tiny gloved hands. "Apple?" It was kind of a creepy story-tale moment.

"Uh, I think I'll just take the veggies today, thanks." I threw a few winter squash into my reusable bag, and she rang me up. She gave me my change, and wished me well, but those huge owlish eyes never quite held the smile. I left the market quickly.

_Is this all it takes?_ I thought as I walked swiftly back down the sidewalk. _Is this all it takes to rattle me?_ Even as I thought it, the streets and buildings around me started to develop that wrong-ness. Awnings I didn't recognize had appeared, and buildings were the wrong shapes. I tripped on an unfamiliar section of sidewalk and stumbled, almost falling onto the concrete.

I regained my balance, and for a moment was completely lost. The street had changed completely, and I would swear I wasn't even in the right town. I shook my head, trying to clear the confusion, and when I was still again my town was back. The street was once again familiar, and I took off. I started running, and the wrongness followed. What had been familiar was now unfamiliar, and it was only getting worse. The world was falling apart.

I ran up the stairs at the apartment complex, not willing to wait for the elevator, and struggled to force the key in the door. I rushed inside, and slammed the door behind me.

Safe?

Leaving the groceries on the kitchen counter, I walked slowly, heavily, over to the couch. I wrapped myself up in my favorite blanket, curled up on the couch, and had a good cry.

I couldn't just ignore the world, it seemed. No matter how hard I tried to believe that I could be just insane, the instability of the world around me was like nothing I could imagine. I wanted to be safe here. I wanted to live here, and never go back to Japan.

_Do I really?_

It was an odd thought, or realization, or whatever you want to call it. I had spent a fair amount of time in Japan, and had made little attachments to people. If it was possible to stay in America forever I at least wanted them to know I was safe. Keiko and Yukina and Kuwabara genuinely seemed to care about me and my wellbeing. Yusuke and Genkai…time would tell. Koenma and Kurama – definitely not.

And Hiei.

_Hiei._

I rolled his name around in my thoughts, trying to figure out what he meant to me. And for that matter, what did _I_ mean to _him_? He had been so awful to me… and then he had been so kind.

An unusual chill washed over me, and I burrowed deeper into my blanket. I wanted to forget everything, and just focus on my blanket. I loved that blanket.

I had owned that blanket since college, and knew every stitch like my own fingerprints. It was a beautiful blue, red, and white southwestern print. Someone had once told me it was a vintage Ralph Lauren pattern, but I didn't care about brands. It was mine, and I loved it. It was big enough for a pillow fort, and small enough to wrap all the way around me and help me forget the world.

The blanket did its magic, and I slowly began to relax. After an hour of a conscious unclenching of each finger from around the soft material, I reached for the TV remote, and tried to find something to watch. I could ignore the world a little longer if I was distracted by daytime television.

* * *

><p>That was how John found me when he came home; curled up on the couch in defeat, with warm groceries on the counter. I really didn't care.<p>

He came over to kiss me, and when I didn't move at all he just kissed me on the top of my head again, and the scent of sawdust washed over me. It was one of the perks of being engaged to a carpenter; he always smelled amazing.

"How was your day?" He asked, moving the warm groceries to the fridge without comment to their abandoned status.

"Fine." I muttered around my was checking voicemails on speakerphone, and I heard a familiar voice. "_Hi, this is Dr. Allen calling for Aria. You missed our appointment today, and I'm hoping everything is alright. Give my office a call to reschedule, and I look forward to seeing you again."_

"You missed your appointment?" He didn't sound mad, but I could tell John was cross with me.

"It's no big deal – it's just one." I sat up, and the blanket fell loosely around me. Without the cocoon of warmth I was quite cold, and contemplated just burying myself back in the blanket.

"You're still recovering – it's important that you go!" He was definitely mad now. John hadn't really been one to press personal issues like this one, and his frustration was confusing.

"I'm fine, so please just drop it!" I couldn't think about Dr. Allen. I couldn't think about him, or his face. I had seen him here in America, but it was the face I had seen in Japan that frightened me. How I wished I had never peeked in that window, and how I wished I could forget his face.

Dr. Allen was a monster. Dr. Allen was supposed to have red eyes and horns that protruded from the sides of his head, right where his hair refused to lie flat.

Dr. Allen was a monster.

Dr. Allen was a _demon_. 

The significance of that fact did not escape me. I was trying to ignore it, but it unsettled me. I'm sure that if I were to _ask_ Dr. Allen, he would say that I was demonizing him in my dream because I don't like him, which was not uncommon or whatever.

I could picture him both ways; just sitting in that stupid chair and almost blending into the generic walls of the office, or glaring at me through the television screen with his piercing eyes and large ram's horns flaring out from the sides of his skull. I could see them both in my mind's eye, and I wanted to see nothing. I wanted to remember nothing. I wanted to _be_ nothing.

I was lost in my thoughts when there was a sharp knock at the door. John went to answer it before I could stop him. I lurched up off the couch, worried it might be the demon I feared it could be. As John opened the door, though, I saw familiar black hair and coat. While one fear flickered out, another burst to life.

It was Hiei.

As much as I wanted to be surprised, I wasn't. He stood awkwardly in the doorway; not entering the apartment, but not leaving.

"Do I know you?" John asked Hiei, who only glared at my fiancé.

"It's ok, John – it's for me." I almost ran to the door, and patted John on the arm. He gave me a peculiar look – I don't blame him – and went back to the kitchen, leaving me with Hiei.

"_What are you doing here_?" I hissed, trying to keep my voice down.

"You called out for me." He sounded confused, and I didn't blame him. "It took some time to find you – your energy was masked."

"Please – just _leave._" I didn't want John to hear this – heck, _I_ didn't want to be hearing this. Hiei was ruining everything. If he kept talking, there would be no way to fix it, no way to just let things be. I wanted to be ignorant. I wanted to be peaceful. But Hiei wasn't about to let it go.

He finally stepped into the apartment, tony angry. "Don't you know what he's doing to you? I know you saw his face. I could sense you at the window – I could _feel_ your fear." He was looking around at the apartment behind me. "Is it everything you expected? Everything you hoped for?" I tried to block his view with my body.

"You don't know what you're talking about." At that he let out a short, barking laugh.

"I know _exactly_ what I'm talking about." His eyes narrowed, and the truth poured from his lips. "You wanted this so badly you would have given _anything_ to go back. But some things aren't quite right? That's because _you_ can't remember every single detail of your old life, but you can tell when it's not _right_. You're _letting_ this happen because you can't _let go_." His gaze flickered to my fiancé, who, at the harsh tones, was coming to my defense at the door.

"Honey, what's going on?" John touched my shoulder, but I didn't acknowledge him. Hiei was glaring at him to fiercely I was scared for his safety.

"_He's not real!_" Hiei almost yelled, but I stood squarely between the two men.

"He's all that I have!" I replied. Hiei's jaw clenched.

He vanished, and horror washed over me. I turned in what felt like slow motion, and caught a last glimpse of John's face moments before Hiei's katana cut him down; concerned, and confused.

He didn't crumple, he didn't bleed, and he didn't scream. He just vanished like smoke – fading from the point of the katana as swiftly as ether. 

Gone. 

Hiei's sword struck the bare wood floor. 

"As I said – he was not real." Hiei said quietly.

I was still staring at the last point where John had stood. He had been right there. He had spoken to me. He had touched me with familiar hands, and spoken with familiar tongue. He had smelled right.

He had been _right there_.

With a roar of fury I launched myself at Hiei. He flickered out of sight, but somehow I knew where he would be when he reappeared – I guess I knew because it was _my_ dream – and managed to tackle him to the floor. I straddled him, and began to punch him in the face, over and over again. I was screaming, screaming in agony and fury and pain.

It was all gone.

Hiei had ruined everything.

My hands began to crack and bleed with the force of hitting him over and over again, but I couldn't stop.

The walls of the apartment began to literally fade away – just as John had – until we were left in a void. The lack of sound in the emptiness was pressing at my eardrums, and the only thing filling the space was the sound of my howls of agony. 

And then I woke up.

I was lying on my bed, in my room at Genkai's. It was still dark outside, and I had the feeling Hiei had woken me up to make me stop punching his face in my dream. I stared in silence at the ceiling. 

Gone. 

It was all gone.


	16. Chapter 16 - Drink With Me

A/N: I kept my little ramblings out of the last chapter entirely, but that last chapter was a beast. I'm also amazed with the number of reads and reviews I've gotten since posting that chapter. Without further delay – enjoy!

* * *

><p>In the morning I rose at my usual time. I pulled my belongings from the drawers, and stuffed them into their original plastic shopping bags. I made the bed, and turned off the lights as I left the room.<p>

I walked quietly down the now-familiar halls, past the kitchen, and through the common room. No one stopped me. In fact, I didn't see a soul.

I found my tiny prison room just as I had left it; one lonely chair, and one small futon mattress. I set my belongings on the lonely chair, and sat on the futon, leaning my back against the wall.

Home, sweet home.

I shook with unshed tears.

I had no point of reference for my loss. Was it a loss? The real loss had been another eternity ago, back when I died in the river. Everything I had lost last night was carefully strung together by a demon psychopath with horns who apparently had nothing better to do than roam around inside my dreams.

There was a knock at the door. I didn't answer, but it opened anyway.

"Aria." It was Kurama. He moved my bag of clothes from the chair to the floor, and occupied the chair. "I hope you understand the position you've put us in. I need to know if you told him anything about us."

"Did Hiei call you?" I asked quietly.

"In his way, yes." I nodded in understanding, but stayed silent.

I kinda hated Kurama. He was a beautiful sort of man, but nothing that came out of his mouth seemed to be the complete truth, or even close to the truth. He was manipulative, predatory, and suave; a terrible and frightening combination. In my opinion, Kurama was a beautiful sociopath. So I said nothing.

He was unsympathetic to my defeated body language; to my hunched shoulders, empty eyes, and red cheeks. He showed me no kindness, and offered no comfort. If he had not been in the room I probably would have cried by now. But I wouldn't show that kind of weakness in front of a predator.

Kurama was not an idiot. He knew I didn't like him, and it didn't take long for him to understand I wasn't talking to him.

He left, and I heard the door lock behind him.

I had nothing left to give. I imagine I looked like a lonely felon in solitary confinement; sitting on my tiny mattress on the floor, back to the wall with gaze slightly elevated, staring at nothing. My legs were crossed, and my hands in my lap. I didn't feel bored or confined. I didn't feel anything.

I had nothing left.

There was a knock at the door.

"Hey." It was Yusuke. He came inside and occupied Kurama's seat, shutting the door with his foot. "You're not stupid; you know Kurama sent me in here because you won't talk to him." He sighed deeply. "And if you don't talk to _me, _Hiei's next."

"Hiei's next no matter what I say." I mumbled. "You have no reason to trust me."

"True. But it would be better if you talk first."

I was silent for a long time.

"I didn't say anything about you." I said quietly. "I just said I was having dreams where I had died. I never… never really trusted him. So you have nothing to worry about."

"Okay." He rose from the chair, leaning back for a moment to crack his back. "That chair is awful…" He mumbled.

"What's his name?" I asked, stopping Yusuke in the open door.

"Who?"

"The demon – what's his name? I just – I need _something._"

Yusuke hesitated, turning the doorknob once or twice while he thought about it. "Taisho. His name is Taisho." I mumbled a 'thanks' to his back as he closed the door. A moment or two later, I heard the door lock click.

I could vaguely hear the sounds of muffled conversation from the common room. They must have been arguing fairly loudly, as I couldn't remember having overheard conversation from that far away before.

_Gee, I wonder what they're arguing about_, I thought sarcastically. I wondered who was winning the argument. In a state of semi-delirious psychosis, I made up a dialogue in my mind of who was arguing for what.

Kurama wanted to skin me alive as an example for the demon – _we won't tolerate a breach of our security_. Koenma wanted to throw me in jail forever. Kuwabara thought it wasn't my fault and everyone was overreacting. Yusuke wanted to leave me in this room while he made up his mind. And Hiei…

_Hiei_…

I couldn't quite put my finger on Hiei.

The argument down the hall rose to a crescendo, and there were sharp, quick footsteps in the hall. Hiei entered the room without knocking. I could see Kurama and Yusuke in the hall behind him before he shut the door. Yusuke seemed somewhat anxious about leaving me and Hiei alone in a small room – that he might hurt me. I didn't care.

"Hi." I greeted him flatly.

He didn't return the greeting. In fact, he looked utterly livid. I don't think I had seen him so incensed since the day we met. "Close your eyes, and clear your mind." He snarled.

"I didn't tell him anything." I replied, and his eyes narrowed. I think they were even glowing a little.

"Clear. Your mind." I sighed, and complied, leaning against the wall and trying to relax. A purple glow emerged from the darkness, and the world shifted.

Just like before, I stood with Hiei in the midst of my memories. But unlike before, he did not go slowly; Hiei and I flickered through my memories at a rapid pace. I didn't have time to watch myself die again, or wake up in the hospital, or fly home, or make coffee, or anything. It was a blur of familiar colors and faces.

I saw repeated flashes of Dr. Allen's face, and John. I saw my puzzle; that was supposed to be lost. I saw the coffee mugs that were too light. And I saw my own face, over and over again, staring at people or objects that just weren't right.

And I blinked, and it was over.

We were back in Japan.

Hiei hadn't moved from his spot just inside the room. I looked up at him from my reclining position with a tired expression. I could tell he wanted to say something – the furrow in his brow was deepening with a question unasked.

"I wanted it to be real." I answered before he asked. "That's why I didn't say anything."

"I don't care." He snapped.

"Okay." I didn't have the energy to argue. I was an empty shell of a woman; bereft of happiness or meaning. I just didn't care. He left the room, slamming the door behind him. The lock engaged.

My made-up dialogue was complete. Hiei wanted to burn me alive just to hear me scream. Because Hiei hated being wrong.

* * *

><p>I was alone in that room for a long time. I never moved from my spot on the futon, and my gaze hardly traveled more than a few inches in any direction.<p>

I had tried to hold on to everything, and I had lost everything. I should have realized sooner that the world I loved was wrong in so many ways. I should have accepted that maybe, just _maybe_, someone here might have been able to help me. I should have known to end it sooner. I should have known. I should have cared.

Late in the evening, I heard the lock disengage, and the door opened. It was Genkai. She didn't bother coming into the room. She just stood in the hallway with her hands crossed behind her back, glaring into my tiny room.

"Well?" she barked. "Come on. You're not a mop, get out of the closet."

"Are you sure?" I asked, even as I was standing. "So what's the verdict? Is it to be the gallows or a firing squad?"

"Don't be dramatic, nothing's happening to you." She turned and walked down the hall, and I followed quickly after. We entered the common room, and I noticed a distinct absence of familiar faces.

"Where is everyone?" Not that I wanted to see mistrusting glances at every turn, but it was an odd absence.

Genkai was seated at the table already, pouring herself a cup of sake. "They're in the Demon World."

"Looking for Taisho?" I sat down across from her, and she shot me a quick glance, and a small smile.

"Sharp; yes." She didn't elaborate, and I didn't push the topic. I shifted, uncomfortable with both my position on the floor and my next question.

"So what's next for me?" After my brief interrogation and memory-search this morning, I had basically been left alone. I was sort of hoping for more yelling or punishment, but nothing had come. It had left me in limbo.

Genkai huffed. "Nothing. For now. You stay here, and don't go anywhere." Nothing new, but nothing satisfying. I leaned on the table, resting my head on my arms, and stared blankly at the surface.

"I think everyone hates me. Or wants me dead." It was a self-indulgent and pitying statement, but it summed up my feelings about the moment. And Genkai really didn't care.

"Don't be stupid. They don't care that much." I didn't react, and just blew a strand of hair out of my face.

"Gee, thanks."

"They're more worried about what it means that a demon has such interest in you." Now _that_ interested me. I sat up straighter, trying to appear alert. It sort of worked.

"What do you think it means?"

"I don't know." A very satisfying answer, indeed. Again, Genkai didn't care to extrapolate. There was silence for a moment, and I slipped back into my self-pitying state.

"They were angry with me." I stated.

"Kurama wasn't angry. If he was angry, you would be dead. Yusuke would only be angry if someone _were_ dead." Genkai refilled her sake cup, not bothering to grace me with a glance.

"And Hiei?"

"Hiei's angry. He voted for you to be put in prison. Or killed. He didn't show a preference. " I tried to imagine what prison would look like. Would it be a Spirit or Demon prison? How long did he want me there? Would I have _ever_ gotten out? My throat dried up at the thought. I tried not to think that he also considered just killing me.

"So I've ruined everything." I sighed, and it certainly seemed that way.

"It can be fixed, but you aren't worth it." With her same dismissive tone and light sip of sake, Genkai declared me worthless.

"_Excuse me?" _I almost yelled across the table.

"You were unapologetically human and weak, but defended how that didn't make you any less of a person. Now you're just a limp noodle of apathy." She shrugged dismissively, and I bristled at that.

"I'm _not_! It's just a lot to handle, and – " She interrupted me, fixing me with an intense stare.

"Then _get angry_. Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself won't get you anywhere. So get angry, get even, and get over it." She set down her cup with a 'clack', and stood, although it didn't make much of a height difference. "No one is going to hold your hand. Nobody cares that much. The only person you can count on is _you_, and you were so sure that _you_ were enough. Now you have to prove it." She crossed her hands behind her back, and left me alone in the common room.

I'm not sure what I had expected from the grouchy old woman. I had wanted a little sympathy, but she wasn't about to dish that out. True – I had been strong-willed when it came to my worth. True – I had demanded equal standing with a smile. And true – I had wanted to belong.

Genkai said it could be fixed. But I would have to want it. And it would be tough to earn back. I wanted to wallow in my grief. I wanted to cover my head and sleep until the world ended. I wanted to run into the forest, wailing my sorrows until a demon came and killed me. I wanted to give up.

But I never give up.

_Well, fuck. _I thought.

I reached across the table for the sake, and on an impulse took a second cup. I poured until it was almost full, and set it at the place next to me. _For John_. I poured for myself, and toasted with the lonely cup.

"To life," I muttered, "and all of its fucking challenges."

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><p><em>Drink with me to days gone by<br>Can it be you fear to die?  
>Will the world remember you when you fall?<br>Could it be your death means nothing at all?  
>Is your life just one more lie?<em>


	17. Chapter 17 - Secrets

A/N: Hi, readers. I just want to thank everyone who left reviews encouraging me to keep writing. Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm making the best decisions for character development, but I also want to keep it as realistic as possible. Alright folks, for your patience and encouragement I made this chapter a doozy, with one hell of a plot twist. Enjoy!

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><p>I awoke the next morning with an unjustly intense hangover. I moaned in pitiful agony at the tiny rays of light spreading across the bedspread, and my head pounded with the moan.<p>

"What the hell, liver?" I groaned, addressing the organ to blame. "Did you forget all of that practice in college?" Genkai's tequila-tea hadn't bothered me this much a just the other night. But then again – I hadn't drunk five cups of the stuff.

I rolled out of bed like a beached whale, and tried to remember where the bathroom was.

"Coffeeeee…" Because hey, let's get our priorities in line here.

I shuffled into the kitchen with eyes almost completely shut, and started rummaging around for a mug, and the Keurig.

_Oh, that's right. Wrong house._ There was no Keurig here. My emotions threatened to surge – _sadness, lonely, go back to bed_. Nope, nope nope. I opened the fridge, grabbed the carton of orange juice, and focused intently on pouring it into a glass. I thought only about juice. Orange juice. _This _orange juice.

I found in the past that focusing on individual tasks helped me ignore my problems. Focus on juice. Focus on cleaning. Focus on shower. Don't think about the past. Don't think about friends.

It helped for a little while, and every time I thought I was going to be overwhelmed by sorrow, I would start counting the lines in the wood floor. The strangling feeling in my throat always went away by the time I reached 15 or so. I was coping.

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><p>Genkai was appropriately surly when I ran across her late mid-morning, but she did opt not to call me "dead girl". It was a small kindness, but I appreciated it greatly.<p>

"You're in my way." She grunted, as I had stopped in the doorway to count lines in the floor again.

"Whoops, sorry." I jumped out of her way before she could trip me. She grumbled as she passed me. "Genkai, what's today?"

"Thursday." She grunted.

"No, I mean what's the date?" I have never asked, after coming to Japan.

She paused. "April 14th. You got here in the end of March."

"Wow… I missed all of winter." How had that happened? Genkai was leaving without comment, and I started to follow. "Wait! Is there anything I can do around the temple?" I needed something to _do_ to take my mind off of things.

"_No_." She called back. I jogged after her, refusing to leave her be.

"Maybe I can start something? Like a garden?" She was definitely starting to get annoyed. Her eye twitched a little in annoyance, and then – oddly – a small smile crept across her face.

"There's a clearing between the temple and the forest you can use. Now go away."

I stood in the hallway watching after her for a moment, confused. Nothing good ever came from a smile like that.

"Well," I sighed, "this should be awful."

Between the back of the temple and the woods, there was a wide strip of grass. It got enough sunlight, and the soil felt moist, but not soaked. It certainly looked like a perfect area for a garden, but that didn't seem like Genkai's style.

Within five minutes of starting to rip up the grass and turn the dirt, I realized her plot. It was backbreaking work. Genkai had been kind enough to select a section of earth that was riddled with large stones. I would hack into it with the hoe, and rattle my bones from head to toe every time I struck a rock. I would have to switch tools, dig around the rock, haul it to the side of my field, and fill in the hole with surrounding soil.

I worked my way methodically across my future garden, digging and turning a strip two feet wide, and thirty feet long. Sixty feet square. In those sixty feet square, I was transformed. I changed from a peaceful lady dressed for the slightly chilled morning air, into a sweaty, swearing, partially stripped disgruntled five year-old. I swear I had plenty of clothes on when I started. I ended up in jeans and a sports bra. My figure was nothing to be ashamed of, and it was better than heat exhaustion.

It felt good to flex my muscles. I twisted in place, cracking my back before I started the second row. It was just as difficult as the first. I felt the skin of my hands sliding against the wood of my tools, and knew there would be blisters later. With each rock I moved out of the soil, I grew more and more angry. Have you ever turned soil by hand? It's horrible.

The second row was kind enough to produce full blisters. The third row ripped them open. And on the fourth, they bled openly.

I stood at the foot of the four rows. 240 feet square.

"One more, I think…" I was definitely a glutton for punishment.

And so I started on the fifth level of hell. I was only a few feet in when I was interrupted by a familiar voice.

"What are you doing?" I ignored Kuwabara's voice for a moment, continuing to dig around a smaller-sized rock.

"I'm baking a cake." I answered in a surly tone.

He laughed a little, but only briefly, and I looked up. Kuwabara was filthy, with a freshly developing bruise on his cheek.

"Oh my god – what happened?" I dropped the shovel, scrambling up from my spot in the mud to look at him more closely.

"Ahhh, don't worry about it. Yusuke leaves bigger bruises than this one." He grinned cheekily. "Look, we know you're a little busy, but we need to borrow you."

"Why?"

Kuwabara rubbed the back of his head, looking sheepish. "Well, we have a lead, but he won't talk unless you're there. We tried. I need you to come with me to the Demon World."

My voice was suddenly weak. "…Taisho?" Had they caught him so quickly? Was it normal to catch someone so quickly?

He shook his head. "Nah, we're not that lucky. It's this crazy demon that calls himself the Architect."

I was a little disappointed, but also relieved. "Um, sure. Do I have time to wash up?" I was coated in a fine layer of mud, thicker in some places. Kuwabara flushed bright red when he finally realized I wasn't wearing a shirt. He turned around quickly, looking up at the sky.

"Uhh… we only have a little time – can you just throw on a shirt?"

"Why so rushed?" I grabbed my shirt from the grass next to row two, and tugged it over my head. I wiped the mud on my hands on the grass as best I could.

"Yusuke doesn't want you and me there after sundown." Kuwabara was trying to rush me along.

"Why just us?"

"Aria-" He sighed, exasperated.

"Just tell me why!" I was more desperate for answers than I had ever been.

Kuwabara finally gave in. "Because we're human. And lots of demons _eat_ humans." I stopped for a moment.

"That's not at all comforting."

He grinned a little, and pointed with a quick thumb over his shoulder.

"The next part's a lot worse."

I peered around Kuwabara's wide frame, and viewed my horrible future.

An oval shape was hovering about a foot above the ground in Genkai's courtyard. But it didn't have any solid lines. It turned in space like a galaxy, with lighter edges and a dark heart of indigo and black. I put out a sound like a hurricane, but muffled. It blew out wind in every direction, making the grass around it ripple like water.

"Our portal to Demon World," Kuwabara supplied.

The portal was the freakiest looking thing I could ever imagine. It reminded me of a black hole swallowing a galaxy.

Kuwabara and I were walking towards that uncertain darkness. The sound didn't increase as we got closer, but stayed exactly the same. The wind also stayed perfectly constant, and carried a faint odor of decay.

Kuwabara stopped me just a few feet from the whirling death spiral.

"I almost forgot – stand close to Yusuke when we cross over. His energy should keep you safe from the air, so don't go wandering." I nodded, unable to find the words to respond. "It's easier if you just jump through – it's really awful, but it's fast." I nodded again.

I hesitated to leap, though.

"Do you want me to go first?" He offered.

"No… I'm ok." I murmured, and took a hesitant step towards the portal. _Ten seconds of courage_, I thought to myself. _All I need is ten seconds of courage_…

I took two long steps, and jumped into the void.

I passed through a thin barrier , and into a long tunnel. I was floating in the air in that tunnel as it turned around me – or was I the one turning? I wanted to be sick, but the space around me was so interesting and beautiful to watch that I couldn't focus on my churning stomach. I reached out a hand, but couldn't reach the sides of the tunnel. I spun around to see behind me, and saw that Kuwabara wasn't far behind me in the tunnel.

I smiled, and he grinned back.

I spun around again, and saw a pinpoint of light quickly growing into a bright, spinning galaxy before me. Before I was ready, I passed through that circle of light, and stepped onto unfamiliar soil.

And then we were through.

Yusuke was waiting for us right outside the portal. He looked much better than poor beat-up Kuwabara. His hands were casually tucked in his jeans pockets, and his hair wasn't even mussed.

"Hey!" He greeted, offering me his arm.

"Feeling like a gentleman, Yusuke?" I asked as I took his arm.

"It's a reminder for you – don't go wandering. Demon World air is toxic to humans." I nodded in vague understanding, and Kuwabara stood on my other side.

We walked through a wood that looked unlike any forest I had ever seen. The trees were wide at the trunk, but short on height, and were oddly colored. The familiar browns and greens were tainted with reds and purples, and thick mists lingered at the corners.

I felt very small between Yusuke and Kuwabara. They were both fairly tall – with Kuwabara a head taller than Yusuke, easily. They walked with great confidence, both glancing only slightly to each side as we walked through the dense forest – very aware of their surroundings.

Before coming to Japan, I would have described myself as confident. But as a cat walking between two lions I felt very delicate. I was only 5'6", but I had been accustomed in my life to carrying half my body weight up a mountain on a regular basis. It had almost always been necessary to tie and tuck my auburn hair under a damp bandana, and under a helmet. Were it not for the occasional moments out of the smoke, I'm sure there were a large number of firefighters who would never have known I was a woman. I didn't talk much, and fire-proof clothing doesn't hug curves very well.

I was accustomed to being a woman among a large group of men, but this was different. I had virtually no power here, and depended entirely on these men to protect me. I didn't like it.

We emerged from the creepy forest, and very suddenly came upon the wide maw of a cave. No light seemed to pierce it, and I tried not to extend the visual of a mouth.

We stood for a moment at the mouth of the cave.

"Ready? Try to stay quiet, okay?" Yusuke asked.

My arms wrapped tight around Yusuke's, I nodded sharply. "Yep. Let's do this."

Upon entering the maw, we were engulfed in near-total darkness. The gloom had weight, seeming to block out any light trying to pierce it. We didn't have far to go, and soon stopped.

"She's here." Yusuke announced with force into the darkness of the cavern.

A strange figure walked into the light – or rather, his body moved along ten spider-like legs into the light of the cavern. Its body and face were a sickly green, shimmering blue in places. Brown pustules littered mottled skin. On its tiny head it wore large, thick glasses. It had large bat-like ears, and needle-like teeth protruded from a wide, leering smile. The demon wore a butcher's apron, and it was stained with what looked an awful lot like blood. Thin, long arms stuck sideways out of the obese body, and long bony fingers pushed the glasses higher on its wide nose.

"Excellent." It rasped. I clung tighter to Yusuke's arm, and tried not to stare too long. Kuwabara took a half-step in front of me, partially blocking the demon's view.

"Now talk."

In the gloom to either side of the Architect, I could see Kurama's vibrant hair, and a faintly glowing set of red eyes. It was little comfort with that awful creature staring at me. It blinked jaundice-yellow eyes, and pointed with one bony finger at me. "My proudest moment – my shining glory – was creating what you see before you."

Yusuke crossed his arms over his chest, and jutted his chin out.

"You're shitting with me."

"The Lord Taisho brought me images of this little creature, and commissioned a copy to be made." He giggled a little. "I informed him that while I could copy the flesh, the soul was not within my power. He replied that I was only responsible for flesh."

His fingers wiggled a little in excitement, and my spine shivered in disgust.

"It took me many months. To create a perfect copy, I had to spin sinew over bone, weave muscle, and organs around familiar paths. Muscle has memory, so you must carefully examine the character of the creature you are seeking to recreate." The Architect had been speaking to Yusuke, but that yellow gaze soon settled back on me. "You, creature with the wild heart; you were a challenge for me. I greatly enjoyed assembling you."

"Hey – don't talk to her! You talk to us!" Kuwabara put a little more of his frame between me and the Demon, and I still clung to Yusuke's arm. The yellow gaze dragged away from me, and to Kuwabara.

"Not long after I finished the vessel, the Lord Taisho brought me a soul." The statement appeared to give him immense satisfaction. "I had never seen a soul surviving outside of flesh for so long. Lord Taisho kept the soul whole for several days outside of flesh, I am told."

"Get back to the point." Yusuke interrupted.

"Yes – the soul rejected my perfect creation. It wouldn't take the copy, so with his own incredible power he sealed the soul inside the flesh. It took only a few moments, but I witnessed the soul and flesh unite, and my beautiful creature took its first breath."

_Sealed the soul… my soul… inside a copy._

I wanted him to be lying. I wanted it all to be a giant lie. But it made too much sense. No tattoos. No scars. A liver with no memory for alcohol. My loss of time.

"Why." My voice was stronger than I felt. The Architect's jaundiced eyes moved to me, and that wide mouth split open in a sinister grin.

"Money, and power."

"What does that have to do with me?" I swatted at Yusuke's arm as he tried to quiet me. "I don't have any money."

He chuckled deeply, and the grin widened. "Oh, but you do, little mouse." That chuckled continued, and grew into a bellowing laugh. It rang around me, and though I tried covering my ears it penetrated, making me feel sick.

I turned and ran, still covering my ears, and could tell the moment I left Yusuke's protective aura. The smell of Demon World grew almost overpowering – rotting flesh and blood – and I barely made it out of the cavern before heaving in the bushes.

I spat, trying to clear the taste of vomit from my mouth, only to have the scent of Demon World threaten to make me vomit again. I closed my eyes, focusing on just breathing in and out, even with the terrible smell.

_One… two… three… four…_ I counted in my head, focusing hard. The scent of Demon World faded, and it was replaced by a subtle pine smell, and a blanket of warm air around me.

_Hiei._

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><p>AN: Aaaaaaaand that's all you get! Review and encourage me to keep writing!


	18. Chapter 18 - Buried

A/N: I spent a fair amount of time on youtube just watching videos of Hiei. For… research. Yeah. As it turns out, he is so much chattier than I remember! In many fanfictions he says almost nothing, but he was a sassy little demon! And the scene where Kuwabara, Kurama, and Hiei are arguing over who will fight Shishiwakamaru in the Dark Tournament and decide with rock, paper, scissors had me in fits of giggles. If you don't remember the scene, go find it.

Quick note – I fly out on business tomorrow, and I will do my best to type up the next chapter while I'm there, but no promises!

Without further delay – chapter 18!

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><p><em>Hiei<em>.

He stood just far enough away to seem indifferent, but he was protecting me with his aura.

"Hi." I said weakly. He didn't answer, but just stood there, staring at me. "What?"

"Go back inside."

"I just need a minute." I spat into the bushes, clearing a little more of the taste of vomit from my mouth.

Hiei grabbed my arm, and yanked me roughly towards the cave. He was furious with me, and it definitely showed. "You were careless enough to run out here, and now every demon in a mile radius is going to come looking for what smells like _human._ If you don't go back inside _now_, I'm going to leave you here and _let them_ eat you!" He was yelling, and shaking my arm.

I yanked my arm out of his grasp – it was strong, and I was going to have a bruise – and shoved him away from me. "Jesus Christ, Hiei! I know you hate me, but you don't have to be such a prick! I just found out _two days ago_ that everything I thought I knew was a lie, and I'm trying _really hard_ to hold it all together!"

I stopped to take a breath, but got my second wind of fury. "And I'm _so sorry _that you're angry, but I didn't do any of this on purpose, and I didn't do it to hurt you or anyone else! So _cut me some fucking slack!" _He didn't respond to my screaming tirade, and I didn't care.

I stalked off, back into the cave. I didn't care if he did, but I knew without looking that Hiei followed a moment later, becacuse that faint scent of pine followed, warding away the stench of Demon World.

If I had been a fire demon like Hiei, I'm pretty sure I would have _actually_ been on fire. I navigated my way through the familiar darkness, until Yusuke, Kuwabara, Kurama, and the Architect came back into view.

The scene was as I had left it. Yusuke shot me a concerned glance, but I didn't hide behind him or Kuwabara. I planted my feet broadly, and crossed my arms over my chest. The Architect looked straight at me with a smug smile.

"Taisho sewed my soul to this body." I stated frankly.

"Yes, little mouse." He confirmed.

"Why?"

He smiled wider, and shrugged his fat shoulders. "It's not for me to say."

He had answers, I knew it. "I think you know, and I think it's in your best interest to tell me."

That sinister grin split his face again. "And what do I get in return?"

Kurama answered first, which was probably best. "We let you go free."

He considered it for a moment, and reached into the pocket of his stained and bloody apron. I heard Hiei unsheathe his katana quickly, but the Architect didn't produce a weapon. He had retrieved a small glass vial filled with a clear liquid.

"Catch, little mouse." With a casual toss, he lobbed it in my direction.

I tracked it through the air, holding my hands out to catch it, but with a flicker of black it vanished completely. _What? _I whipped my head around the room, and while Hiei hadn't appeared to move, he was now holding the glass vial.

"Nice try, Architect." Hiei vanished, and a half-moment later the Architect was screaming. Hiei appeared another half-moment later, flicking purple blood from his sword. He had cut off two of the Architect's spider-legs. "That will teach you not to play tricks next time."

The Architect flopped over, the force of his incredible girth actually shaking the ground beneath my feet. His screams blended into a high-pitched keening wail. Yusuke grabbed me by the arm, and started pulling me out of the cave. "Come on – you don't want to see this."

"But I have more questions!" I was fighting him, pulling against his grip – what _was_ it with these boys and their vice-like grips?

"If you don't move, I _will_ carry you." Yusuke's voice was scaring me, and I acquiesced. We broke from the darkness of the cave into glow of early evening. I was about to protest my sudden removal, when the Architect's screaming very suddenly ceased.

I turned to look into the darkness, but Yusuke spun me back around and gripped my shoulders, locking a gaze with mine. I wasn't used to such a serious look on his face, and it startled me. "You need to _listen_. This is serious, and we're already really behind on the curve. You need to understand that the rules for demons are _different_." He sighed, loudly, and exasperated. "Ahhhh I hate being the bad guy…"

"Ok..?" I was thoroughly confused.

"Look – I just need you to trust us until we get this all figured out; can you do that?" I nodded slowly, and Yusuke seemed somewhat satisfied.

We leapt into the void of the portal again, returning to the safety of Genkai's temple grounds.

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><p>With nothing else to destroy but my own body, I returned to my garden. I picked up my tools exactly where I had left them, and struck into the fifth line with renewed vigor.<p>

I struck a rock, again, and sank to my knees, digging at it with my hands. I didn't bother with tools, just clawed at the earth until the stone was loose enough. I kicked at the rock with the bottom of my foot, simply shoving it out of the row.

I was so angry.

I was running through the earth at twice the speed of the other four rows, and my muscles were starting to burn very painfully. This pace wasn't healthy, and I didn't care. I wanted it to hurt, and I wanted my blisters to burst and run and bleed. This wasn't _my_ body, so what did I care?

Dirt was spraying everywhere as I hacked into the ground with manic fury, and I'm sure it looked like I was trying to bury myself.

A voice interrupted; "What are you doing?" I really didn't want to talk to Hiei right now, so of course he was the first person to go looking for me.

I tried to brush him off. "Being angry; I can only grieve for so long before it's self-pity, right?" I was still pretty pissed at Hiei for being a jerk in the Demon World. Sure, I was expecting him to be angry the day he found out I had been lying, but that was different from his reaction the day before… I struck a rock, my anger spiked again, and it suddenly clicked.

"_You did it on purpose_!" I realized, whipping around to point an accusing finger at Hiei.

He blinked owlishly. "I have no idea what stupid idea you've gotten into your head, but I'm sure you're wrong."

"No – I'm right!" I threw down my shovel, and stalked out of the row I was working on." I was scared of the Architect, I ran away, and you turned into a total prick! You made me so angry I forgot to be scared!"

"What a foolish idea." He grumbled, and I could only laugh. _You want everyone to think you don't care, but you do, Hiei. _I thought to myself.

Hiei's eyes narrowed, and he glowered at me. "I assure you I care very little about any of your affairs, human."

"Hey! Stay out of my head unless you have a good reason to be in there!" And there I was, back to being mad. I took deep, calming breaths to steady myself. "Okay – _one_; you can't use anger to manipulate people, it's not nice." I paused, shooting him a meaningful look. "And _two_ – next time you go into my head you need an _invitation_. Capisce?"

He scoffed at me. "Foolish."

"No – _nice._" I corrected. The glare intensified, and I decided to change the subject.

"Hiei, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about everything – I didn't tell _anyone_, I just _couldn't_. I wanted everything to be okay, and to be normal, and I didn't want to see how fucked up everything was. I know I've probably ruined everything, but I just want you to know I didn't think anyone would get hurt."

He was so quiet, but he wasn't leaving either.

"I know I already got my second chance a while ago, but…" I sighed, and wished there was something I could count or destroy nearby. "I can't _do_ this by myself."

My anger had subsided, and I was left feeling very vulnerable in front of the fire demon. While I could associate his anger-inducing behavior as veiled kindness, it was another thing to be asking for his help.

So I just asked for what he had already given. "I'm not asking you to be friendly, or _nice_, I just need you to be… nearby."

His eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Why me?"

I ticked off the reasons on my fingers. "Well, Kurama freaks me out, Yusuke and Kuwabara have Keiko and Yukina to worry about, Koenma couldn't care less, and well, it's the same with everybody else, too." I smiled a tiny bit. "And besides, you won't buy into my pity-party."

Hiei continued his sour look.

"Hey – you're pretty much around all the time anyway, so…?" I shrugged, trying to make my request seem light and nonchalant. But I was dead serious. I had taken the time to think about it, and Hiei was really my only constant in Japan. Sure, he was a giant pain in my side, but I had seen him every single day, and spent most of my time in his presence, on way or another. A sharp rock in the middle of the ocean is still a rock, and a drowning sailor will hold on to almost anything.

I was starting to think Hiei wouldn't answer me at all, and I half-expected him to just vanish without answering at all.

His answer was from way out in left field.

"You didn't choose this." He stated, but it sounded almost like a question.

"Damn straight, I didn't." I answered, frowning.

There was a pregnant pause, and Hiei's expression didn't change. He stared me down, and I tried to send back an equally intense stare. Hiei was a little taller than me, but just like me he was shorter than all of the others. The intensity of that stare, though, could probably burn through rocks.

I finally blinked when my eyes started drying out, and the intense exchange ended.

"You have mud on your face." Hiei stated plainly.

I blushed, and tried wiping at my face with my shirtsleeves, but I don't think it helped much. "It's the latest thing in beauty products – _Genkai's Temple Soil_; shrinks pores and exfoliates!" Hiei raised an eyebrow, and I struck a beauty pose. "Don't I look faaaaaaabulous?"

"You look ridiculous." He muttered. For the first time in days, I laughed openly. He shot me another strange look, and I responded with a brilliant smile. Hiei 'Hn'ed, and vanished.

I chuckled to myself, and picked up my shovel again.

_Hiei?_ I reached out with my thoughts tentatively.

_What._ He replied gruffly, and I smiled to myself.

_Just checking._ I answered in a sing-song tone. I could somehow sense his displeasure, and that only made me smile more.

_Go back to your mud._

_Special 'exfoliating Temple Soil', Hiei! _He didn't reply again, and I shook my head, smiling and chuckling. He was just too much fun to mess with.

As I dug in the garden, I thought about how much fun it would be to put some of the dirt in a little jar, label it "special exfoliating temple soil", and leave it somewhere for Hiei to find. _Does he even stay in the temple?_ I thought. He was there all the time, but I didn't actually know if he lived there, let alone slept there. My plan seemed to be falling through for lack of access.

Oh well – my middle-school prank would have to wait. _Oh, middle school – where boys push girls on the playground and we call it a 'crush'._

I felt a sudden flush of shame. I had barely heard that the world and the people I loved were gone, and here I was flirting with another man. What kind of horrible person did that make me?

I groaned and flopped my head forward, resting it on the handle of the shovel.

_Why me? Why me?! _If there had been a wall in front of me, I would have started beating my head against it. Why did I have to have a brain? Why couldn't I just happily accept that something relatively ok was happening in my life, and just forget what was behind me?

I could say that I had known it was all over the day I woke up in Japan. I could say that I knew that things in America couldn't possibly be real. I could say that I had plenty of time to grieve over my lost love and lost life. I could say a lot of things, but it didn't stop me from feeling like a whore.

I was frustrated, and confused. I wanted to see a life manual for exactly how long people are supposed to grieve before it's socially acceptable to flirt. What, those don't exist? Someone should make one.

I wanted to stay and rip apart my garden some more, but I was losing the light. I kicked a rock in frustration, and it rolled gently away, unperturbed by my violence.

I walked in a self-pitying huff back to the temple, and shed my muddy shoes before walking on the pristine wood floors. I swear; I took the longest shower of my life. I was trying to wash away mud, and shame, and fear, and loneliness.

The mud came off, and that was a start.

* * *

><p>AN: Aria's concerns at the end of this chapter are an issue that I've been grappling with for her character, as I myself am not prone to long bouts of grief, and am thus not prone to making the character deal with it for long periods. That confusion is going to be a key point for a few chapters, but let me know what you think!


	19. Chapter 19 - Confidence

A/N – hey readers, thanks for hanging with me during my absence due to business. I've been going through a bit of a funk, and recently decided to quit my job. As such, I've been busy trying to make the transition period easier for my replacement. Anyway – I appreciate your patience!

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><p>It was an inhuman hour to be awake, but my body woke me not long after the crack of dawn. I felt like shit, but traveling the emotional roller coaster from sadness to fear to anger to happiness to shame will definitely do that to you. I groaned, and tried to ignore the world for a little longer. No such luck.<p>

Keiko burst into my room with all the energy (and accompanying light) of an avenging angel.

"Good morning, Aria!" She called in a singsong voice.

"Ggggggnnnnnnnffff." I replied, burying my face into a pillow to block out the light from the hallway.

"Time to get up, lazybones." She had no mercy for my poor, sleepy body.

"Wwwwhhhhyyyyyyyyy..." I moaned as she ripped the bedspread from on top of me, and I was doused in the cold chill of the air.

"Because life just got a lot better- Yusuke says you can leave the temple for a little bit today."

It took me a few _long_ moments for that to process, and when it finally churned its way through my four fully functional neurons, my eyes snapped open and I sat bolt upright. "I can do what now?"

Keiko smiled broadly. "We get to go out together today."

"No escort?" I asked slowly, suspicious.

She grinned devilishly. "No boys of any kind."

I swear I flew out of that bed like a bat out of hell, launching myself at my clothing, almost knocking poor Keiko over. "Whoah, girl! I thought you were tired, huh?"

"You could have started with 'hey Aria, you get to leave the temple today', and I promise you I would have gotten up faster." Her laughter followed me into the hallway as I shoved my toothbrush into my mouth while simultaneously pulling a brush through my hair.

Keiko was waiting patiently in the common area, and followed after me as I ran past her to get outside. She caught up as I stopped at the top of Genkai's steep stairwell.

"Before I get into a lot of trouble, you weren't just pulling my leg, right?" I asked hesitantly. She patted me on the back, and descended the first step.

"I'm serious, so let's go!" She tugged on my arm. Slowly, I descended the first step. I waited for Genkai or Hiei to burst from the underbrush, screaming at me to go back into the temple. When that didn't happen, I gave in to Keiko's tugging and we descended the eternally long stairs together, her laughing and me smiling.

Freedom.

* * *

><p>Downtown near the temple may not have been the biggest and most bustling metropolis of society, but it was so much better than burying myself a little deeper in my developing garden. Keiko was more than happy to fill the conversational space by telling me more about everyone.<p>

I learned about Kuwabara and vet school, Kurama and his family, and, curiously, how Hiei had all but vanished for the last year. I wondered what was keeping him so anchored to the human world for now.

Keiko interrupted my train of thought. "What do you want to do first; shopping?"

"I don't really need anything, and I don't have any money..." I also wasn't keen on spending my first day of freedom shoving my oddly proportioned body into women's clothing. There's something about being a real-shaped person that makes it difficult to find clothes. In my physically demanding profession, I ended up with the proportions of a 1950s woman – an hourglass with a narrow waist – and the muscle strength to lift a 200lb man.

But as we passed by a little hole-in-the-wall shop, I stopped in my tracks. I stared longingly in the window, and Keiko had to backpedal on the sidewalk to join me. She looked from the glass, to my longing expression, and back to the shop. "You can't be serious."

"Pretty please?" I batted my eyelashes at her, and made a pitiful face.

She sighed, and I tried even harder to convince her. "It'll only take like 20 minutes, I promise!"

"There's really nothing else you want to do?" She asked, and I shook my head fiercely. Unable to resist my huge Bambi eyes, Keiko followed me into the tiny shop. "Barely twenty minutes outside the temple and you're already getting into trouble…" she grumbled.

A skinny twenty-something looked up from behind the tiny reception counter. "What'll it be, ladies?" Keiko held up her hands in objection very quickly. "Not me-just her!"

"Calm down, Keiko- they won't hold you down and force it on you." I glanced at the woman behind the counter. "Can you do something like this?" I scribbled quickly on a blank sheet of paper, and she gave it a cursory look.

"Shouldn't be a problem – got time now? There's no one here." She asked, glancing around the shop.

"Yup!" I chirped before Keiko could protest.

"Are you sure?" Keiko asked as the 20-something went into the side room for a moment.

"Keiko – trust me, I'm sure."

* * *

><p>It was always hard for me to resist the urge to poke at my arm afterwards. My left forearm felt really sore, and I had to remind myself that this body wasn't accustomed to being repeatedly stabbed with needles.<p>

"How does it feel?" Keiko asked, trying to peer under my shirt sleeve.

I swatted her hand away lightly. "Pretty good, I think. It's sometimes hard to tell for a bit."

She shuddered a little. "I don't think I could ever do that to myself."

"It's kind of a lifestyle choice." I shrugged it off, sticking my hands in my pockets. I had been more discreet about my choices when I was in America – but that was when I had been concerned about what people thought about my appearance or lifestyle. In Japan, hardly anyone ever saw me, and I doubted that I would ever have enough of a legal identity to even apply for a job. I contemplated getting a drastic haircut, or dyeing my hair an odd color, but the urge soon passed.

Keiko derailed my train of thought by mentioning the sweet ambrosia of life that is caffeine. "Well, if this morning is going anywhere, I need coffee."

I nodded vigorously, and she laughed at my enthusiasm. Keiko took me to a very cute little café with some kind of cat in the logo, and we took a little table at the window, ordering coffees. It was still the early-morning rush for the café, and our coffees arrived fairly quickly.

_Ahh, sweet java, how I have missed thee. _I sighed, sipping the coffee slowly to try and extend the experience. Keiko looked at me oddly.

She coughed a little, interrupting my bliss. "So – Aria."

"Hmm?" I replied around the porcelain cup.

"I've been wondering – what can you tell me about what's going on?" Keiko fidgeted a little in her seat. "Yusuke hasn't told me much, and I'm really sorry if I'm prying too much!" Keiko was already starting to apologize, and I raised a hand to stop her.

"No, no, it's ok. I'm not really that sure about what's going on myself, actually." I sighed, swirling my coffee with my spoon. "It really comes down to just the basic fact that I died in America, and woke up in Japan a moment after I died. Apparently this body is a copy, but my soul is still my own. Beyond that, I know that there's some demon taking a great interest in me, but I really don't know anything more." I gave Keiko an apologetic grin. "Sorry I can't satisfy more of your curiosity."

Keiko swirled her own coffee – is that just a natural response to awkward conversation while at a café? I seek refuge in thee, caffeine.

"That explains a little of why Yusuke is so suspicious. He tries his best to keep me out of Demon World stuff." She snorted. "Doesn't always work, though."

"Ooh, backstory please!" I leaned forward over the table, waggling my eyebrows. It made Keiko laugh, but before she could dive into her story, a stranger walked up to our table.

"Hey ladies – spare some change?" He looked like your stereotypical homeless panhandler – big jacket, construction boots, severe stubble, and a baseball hat. He grinned at us with discolored teeth and held out a paper cup that already had a few bits of change in it.

"Sorry – we don't have any money." Keiko gave him an apologetic smile. I'm used to panhandlers accepting the first comment of 'sorry', and moving on, but this guy was persistent.

"Come on – I'm hungry here." He pressed us, rattling the small amount of money in the paper cup.

I was a little more blunt than Keiko in my response. "And we really don't have anything." I was very aware that Keiko and I had chosen both a table at the window, and a corner table. This bedraggled man was quite tall, large, and was _standing between us and the exit_. Even in this fairly populated area, warning bells started going off in my head.

He didn't take my comment well. "Don't be a bitch!" I don't know what kind of crazy man thinks cornering women is going to end in a positive experience. Keiko and I tried to ignore him, but he was a persistent asshole. "Hey-I'm talking to you!"

He grabbed my left forearm, and my vision swam for a moment as I was doused in a fresh wave of pain. Getting a tattoo is one thing, but having someone dig into the raw flesh less than half an hour afterwards is another matter.

The man must have thought that just his grip was hurting me, because he leered at us; convinced he was going to get whatever he wanted.

"Now-can't we just have a nice conversation?" He let go of my arm briefly- trying to be benevolent, I'm sure. Big mistake.

I grabbed him around the wrist and gave it a quick, sharp yank, throwing him off balance and tripping him into falling face-first into the table. He yowled in pain, clutching his face and teetering sideways. Keiko and I stood quickly from the table, trying to leave the cafe as quickly as possible. Jerk face grabbed me around the wrist again- but this time he grabbed my right arm. He squeezed hard- trying to evoke the same pain response from earlier- and I ignored him completely.

Rather than kicking him in the shin- which is sometimes a dicey option, and you might miss- I slammed the side of my foot into his shin, and then dragged it down the front in about a second- if you apply medium pressure, this leaves one hell of a bruise. If you apply deep, powerful force to that step, you can almost peel away a layer of skin from the person's shin.

I was not gentle.

He screeched, and released my right arm. As a parting gift, I swung out with the newly freed appendage, and smacked him with a cupped hand directly in the ear. Some people might go for the eyes, the jaw, or the cheek, but those are surrounded by angular bone, and I might hurt my hand. The ears, however, are quite sensitive to sudden changes in pressure, and a cupped hand forces a sudden increase in internal pressure. It's not hard to rattle the tiny bones of the inner ear, and I definitely rang this guy's bell. Hard.

He crumpled to the ground, and I left him sobbing on the floor. Keiko left a wad of bills on the countertop as we ran out onto the sidewalk. We ran for a few blocks, and stopped when we were certain he hadn't followed us.

Breathing a little hard, Keiko gaped at me. "Kami, Aria- where did you learn all that?"

I was surprisingly in a little better shape than Keiko, and caught my breath easily. "Class. It was a long time ago, but it sticks with you." I was amazed at how well it had stuck, actually. My last martial arts class had been over six years ago, but the reflexive movements had stayed.

"What kind of class teaches you to _slap _people in the _ear_?" Keiko exclaimed.

I chuckled. "A good one."

Overcome by the absurdity of our situation, we both burst out laughing. What a morning.

"I think we need to shake this off, and keep on going with our adventures for the day. What say you?" I may have gone a little Braveheart at the end, but Keiko readily agreed.

"Come on – I've got a great idea." And we were off again.

* * *

><p>Keiko burst from the changing room dressed like a Spanish flamenco dancer, and struck a pose. I burst out laughing and almost fell over in my chair.<p>

"Where did you _find_ that?!" I exclaimed. "Show me! I want to try one!"

Keiko had taken me to a costume rental store. Given all of our shopping options, we really just needed a few laughs. The store was small, and only had one changing room, so Keiko and I had been taking turns trying on fun and silly costumes. While I was waiting for her to change, I had slipped on a big clown suit over my regular clothes.

"There's a big section of dresses by the emergency exit in the back – follow me!" Keiko gathered her twenty yards of red ruffles as best she could in her arms, and we worked our way to the back of the store.

There weren't any flamenco dresses in my size, but there was a fabulously clingy sequin dress that Keiko all but forced into my hands.

"It's not really my style!" I hollered through the changing room door.

"I don't care!" Came the muffled reply.

I grumbled a little under my breath as I stripped out of the clownsuit, and my regular clothes underneath. I had to shimmy into the sequin dress; it was quite tight.

"I don't know Keiko – I think it's a little small for me." I muttered while opening the changing room door. I was a little concerned that the seams might pop on the sides, and we would be obligated to buy the sparkly outfit. I tried to smooth down the shimmering sequins, and admired how they changed color when turned in the light. "What do you think, Keiko?"

"Where have you been hiding that _figure?_" was her fast reply. I laughed as she poked at my waist.

"Careful! I don't want the sides to bust!" I swatted at her hands, but that didn't stop her.

"Oh shush – it looks amazing. That _has_ to go home with you." She spun my to face a mirror. "I mean – just _look_ at you!" Keiko tugged my hair out of my standard ponytail, and fluffed it a little to give it volume.

The sequins were a beautiful emerald green, but when I shifted a little they would shimmer an emerald blue, or sometimes gold. My auburn hair curled around my shoulders, concealing the thin straps holding up the gown. Green and blue reflections from the sequins made me look like I was glowing. The gown skimmed my body in a flattering way, the ends just skimming the floor in a pool of green, blue, and gold.

"You look like a mermaid, Aria." Keiko sighed admiringly.

I allowed myself one more long look before closing myself back in the dressing room. I shimmied out of the dress as Keiko hollered through the closed door "I'm getting you that dress whether you like it or not!"

I laughed, but I don't think she was joking. By the time I got the dress off and my own clothes back on, she had already negotiated a price with the store owner and had a receipt in hand.

"Don't say a word – just think of this as a thank you for dealing with that creep at the café." She held out an empty bag from the store, and with only a few moments of hesitation I carefully placed the shimmering gown in the bag.

"Thank you, Keiko." I whispered. She shot me a beaming smile, and shoved the bag into my hands.

"Don't mention it – now hang out for a second while I get back in my clothes." Keiko in her fluffy flamenco dress vanished into the dressing room, and I stood alone in her absence, staring at the puddle of green, gold, and blue in the plastic bag. I wondered if I would get the chance to wear it to a party.

Keiko seemed to read my mind. "Don't worry!" She yelled through the door. "I'll make sure you get a chance to wear it!"

I gaped like a fish, trying to come up with some smart answer. "Well – good!" was the best I could come up with. Keiko laughed.

It was nice to have a friend.

* * *

><p>Keiko and I were still laughing about our odd day when we finished ascending the stairs at Genkai's temple. The afternoon had grown long, and our feet very sore.<p>

"I had a really great day." I sighed, stopping at the top of the stairs. I didn't want to approach the temple quite yet – I didn't want the day to be over.

"Well – besides the café." Keiko interjected.

"Yeah, besides that." I chuckled. "We're never going back to that café, are we?"

"It's a shame – their hot cocoa is so good, too." She sighed, and we devolved into giggles again. "See you soon?"

"Absolutely."

Keiko waved on her way down the stairs, and with slow steps I returned to the temple. Genkai and Yukina greeted me in their customary ways as I walked through the common area; one with a grunt, the other with an offer of tea. I responded to the first with a "same to you", and the second with an "absolutely, just let me put these away."

I was in my bedroom, carefully folding the shimmering gown into a drawer of its own in the dresser when I felt a familiar presence.

"Hello Hiei – miss me?" I chuckled, not bothering to turn around.

"He didn't want your money." A familiar voice spoke from the vicinity of my bedroom door. It took me a few moments to realize he was talking about the man from the café.

"I know." I didn't bother asking how he knew about the incident. I closed the drawer, and glanced at Hiei in the doorway. He was staring at me strangely.

"He wanted to hurt you."

"I know."

There was a long pause where neither of us spoke, and neither of us moved. I was about to speak, but Hiei beat me to it.

"You could have called for me." That comment surprised me, but I didn't let it show on my face.

I shrugged, and walked towards the door. "I didn't want to bother you with something so trivial." I stopped in front of Hiei, but he didn't budge; still blocking my exit from the room."So what's up?"

"Let me see it." I didn't bother asking him what he meant. I turned my arm over, and pulled my sleeve up, exposing the soft, tattooed flesh of my inner arm.

The artist had done a really great job with the English words, which had made me happy, and the lines were still clean and crisp-my assailant hadn't damaged the art. My arm was still wrapped in Saran Wrap, and the skin smeared with Vaseline to keep the area from stabbing. Hiei gently smoothed out the wrinkles in the Saran Wrap, careful not to touch my tender flesh. "What is it?"

"There was a human scientist named Darwin, who had a theory about how life on Earth came to be so diverse. At the time, his ideas were considered heretical, and he was forced to keep many of his ideas a secret for his entire life. This is his legacy, though. It's from a little corner of his notebook."

I pointed at the English words. "This says 'I think', and then below it is Darwin's evolutionary tree. For me, it's a symbol of life, and of courage, and discovery. Of new beginnings, and endings."

Hiei examined the tattoo a moment longer, and released my arm. "Was this one of your tattoos before you died?"

I tugged my sleeve down carefully, trying not to touch the sensitive skin. "No, actually. I had a really big one on my back, and a few others, but not this one. This one's new." I smiled, and Hiei didn't return the expression. What a surprise.

He still stood in the doorway, blocking my exit from the room. "I'm ok-really." I tried reassuring him.

"Hn. Good." It was a remarkably sweet statement, coming from Hiei. I decided not to comment on it. He finally stepped to one side, allowing me exit from the bedroom. I passed him, but on a quick thought turned and pointed a stern finger at him.

"And leave him alone- ok? I think I did more than enough damage." I instructed, and he crossed his arms over his chest, returning with a glowering look.

"I think waking up without fingers would be a strong reminder not to manhandle weaker women." He stated flatly.

"I said leave him alone, Hiei." I smiled. "I'm fine- see? No need for amputations."

"You're a fool. People like him never learn." He was annoyed with me.

"Then I'm a fool. But I'm happy to be a fool." I smiled, and he still looked moderately irritated.

I didn't want him to leave while still annoyed with me, and reached out as he turned away, catching the edge of his sleeve between my thumb and index finger. The fabric was surprisingly soft. Hie is head turned, his eyes sweeping from the hem of the sleeve to my light grasp on his coat. The intense red eyes then moved from my hand to my face.

"What, onna?" His expression wasn't harsh, nor was his tone- it was calmly neutral.

"Uh, nothing. Sorry." I released the fabric, trying not to blush in embarrassment, and he left me alone in the hall. Why did I do that? Almost everything I knew about Hiei told me that he wouldn't appreciate a sudden grasp from a human.

Trying to shake the odd experiences of the day, I retreated to the common area, where Yukina already had tea waiting for me. It wasn't until the last moment before I fell asleep that night that I realized I hadn't thought of John all day.

* * *

><p>AN: Long chapter comes to a close! Thank you again for your patience, and I hope to get the next one churned out a little faster!


	20. Chapter 20 - Too Familiar

A/N: Note to self – never write the end of a fun chapter first; it makes it impossible to go back and fill in the middle bits.

Many thanks to my reviewers – your comments are what keep me writing!

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><p>I had thought it was going to be a wonderful day.<p>

I woke from restless sleep early in the morning, and checked on my tattoo before I even rolled out of bed. Sleeping with a new tattoo always made me nervous – as if somehow my tossing and turning would smear the ink.

I managed to be awake before anyone else in the temple, and padded into the kitchen still in my pajamas. I couldn't place the reason, but I wanted to make pancakes.

The cabinets in the kitchen were mercifully quiet as I gathered ingredients, humming quietly to myself. _Flour…eggs… butter… ooh – blueberries! _Genkai didn't have maple syrup – it had been too much to hope for.

I felt giddy, and my spirits were higher than they had been in days. I stirred the batter with vigor, still humming, and tossed my head a little to get my hair out of my face. I felt almost normal again.

There was a creak of floorboards behind me, and I screamed to all holy hell when I turned around and Hiei's bright red eyes were three inches away from mine. The bowl flew up into the air with my startled flailing, but Hiei caught it before its contents ended up all over the floor.

"_Jesus Christ, Hiei! Are you trying to kill me?_" I clutched at my heart with one hand, and steadied myself by gripping the countertop with the other.

"What are you doing?" Hiei looked genuinely perplexed and obnoxiously unperturbed by my exclamation.

"Planning to take over the world – _what does it look like I'm doing?!" _Hiei slowly handed over the bowl and spoon at my prompting, and I slowly resumed stirring the mixture. It took me a moment to realize he wasn't concealed by his usual cloak – he was dressed in black loose-fitting pants and a blue sleeveless shirt. He had amazingly defined muscles.

_Pancakes, focus on the pancakes_. I thought to myself.

"What are pancakes?" Hiei asked.

"I thought I told you to stay out of my head!" I threatened him with the spoon, pointing it at him like a fencing foil.

He merely raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. Those stupid muscles of his twitched, and I almost missed his rebuttal. "You said it out loud, stupid."

I wanted to make him put his concealing cloak back on. "Oh – did I? It's an American breakfast food – now get out of the kitchen! You have to wait just like everybody else."

"You don't command me, ningen." He snarled weakly. _Arrogant sonofa…_

"I can command anyone in the kitchen when I'm holding a drippy spoon." I waved it at him, threatening to get batter on his shirt. "Now _get_!"

Hiei begrudgingly left the kitchen, and I resumed my happy cooking. The pancakes sizzled merrily in the pan, and each one flipped perfectly. Happy circles, happy kitchen, and a happy me.

I made a plate for myself, and stacked the rest under the warmer, with a little sign on top; '_eat me!' _I didn't bother calling for Hiei to eat – if he wanted them, I'm sure several would disappear from the stack. Otherwise, I didn't want to bother him.

I almost choked a little around the first pancake, just from trying to eat it so quickly. It tasted perfect, and the familiar taste made me homesick. I shook it off, and polished off my plate in short order. I cleaned my dishes and the kitchen, and left to continue my productive streak.

I dressed comfortably – jeans and a t-shirt – and tied my hair up in a ponytail. I caught a glance of myself in the mirror as I left my bedroom, and paused. For all my happy moments this morning, I looked exhausted. I had faint dark circles under my eyes, my face looked gaunt. I tried tilting my head up to catch the light, and while that helped a little with the shadows, I still looked haunted.

_Not without good reason, I suppose…_

I left my thoughts at the mirror, and went outside. I tried to set a much more reasonable pace for myself that day in the garden. _No more blisters_, I thought to myself, flexing my hands to work out the kinks. They were still fairly sore, but I hadn't wanted to bother Yukina with my self-mutilation, and it didn't bother me that much.

I settled into a new, slower, rhythm of hacking away at the dirt and grass. I wanted it to be cathartic again, but the feeling was eluding me. Instead, I was getting frustrated with my slow pace and progress.

I started to incrementally speed up, until I was back at my original furious pace. I was burying myself in the labor, and the peace I had hoped to achieve in the action was far out of reach. In its place was the familiar frustration, anger, and hurt.

_Just finish the row, and then you're done_. I tried to encourage myself, to find some motivation beyond pure frustration to drive the completion. It was difficult to focus with my arms burning and my hands chafing and my head pounding in anger.

_I hate this, I hate this, I hate this_. I repeated over and over again. I didn't want to be doing this, but I didn't want to be idle. If I sat on my butt all day I would have the time to think about my life, and my losses, and how fucked up it all was.

I didn't want to think about it.

I didn't want to remember.

I didn't want to hurt inside.

I just wanted to quit. But I'm not a quitter, so I was slowly destroying myself in the garden instead.

As I dug, I tried to bury my memories, my hatred, my fear, and my pain. It wasn't fair that I had been forced to give up everything I knew and loved for such an unforgiving new life. This ridiculous place was filled with creatures trying to kill me, exploit me, or goodness knows what else.

And I didn't _want _to be so angry about it.

I had held a certain amount of pride in my emotional management for a long time. Very little fazed me past the point of quiet tolerance, and almost all of my irritable feelings could be managed with a glass of wine or two.

I felt like I had no control in this new place – I was being yanked around both physically and emotionally in the storm with no rock to hold on to.

As I tore into the ground again, I hissed in pain as a new blister tore wide open. I threw the shovel as hard as I could, and it spun off when it hit a tree. I bit my lip to keep from screaming in frustration and disturbing the peaceful air around the temple.

"_Fuck this shit_." I swore, kicking a rock with vengeance. Why was it so hard for me to find anything like peace? Everything from the last few days had been simmering just under the surface, and now I felt like I was boiling over.

I left the garden uncompleted and tried walking around the temple. I could put a lid on my feelings if I just kept moving. I was on my second circle around the temple when I was interrupted by a familiar voice. In my head.

_You're being foolish. Running won't fix anything._ Under most other circumstances, I might have invited Hiei to join me, but I was just barely keeping my emotions in check.

_Well, I'm not running, I'm walking. _I shot back.

_Semantics, onna._

_Just stop, please._ The focus required to communicate with Hiei was taking my focus away from controlling the storm brewing just under my skin. To his credit, Hiei did not respond.

Third time around the temple, I was okay again.

Fourth time around the temple, the lid blew off the boiling pot. I collapsed into tears at the base of a tree. As I cried, I found quiet solace in settling between the roots, and the solid reality of the rough bark on my back. I gripped my head with muddy hands, and wished sorely that I could grasp at reality the same way.

I stayed there for hours, long after lunch, dinner, and sunset. No one came looking for me, and as it grew dark and cold around the temple grounds I stood, and went inside.

* * *

><p>A shower helped me feel a little better, but it woke me up instead of helping me relax for sleep. I tossed and turned for several hours before finally giving up on the endeavor. I slipped out of bed, wrapping myself up in a chunky sweater, and going to sit outside on the porch.<p>

It was one of those lonely nights. The rest of the world seemed to be asleep at three a.m. – like I should have been. I sat on the porch, shoeless feet swinging in a sharp autumn wind, chunky sweater rolled up just enough so my hands could wrap around a hot cup of tea. My hair curled around my neck like a lover's kisses, tickling at my collar and occasionally whispering across my lips.

It was a terrible night to be alone.

I sighed, and I could see my breath in the air. It curled around the steam from my tea, and I envied their closeness.

Ok, so I was so lonely that I was jealous of breath and steam. Don't judge me.

A familiar tickle in my mind signaled the end of my loneliness – sort of.

"Evening, Hiei." I called, not bothering to raise my voice.

"Hn." In a moment he was on the porch, somewhat beside me. I didn't bother turning to greet him, so I couldn't have been certain of how close he was to me. However, he was close enough that I could feel a temperature difference in the air around me from his presence.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I was having a moment." I said quietly, and he didn't reply. I tried starting conversation on another route. "I don't know much about fire demons," Hiei snorted, and I ignored him to continue. "_but_ I imagine that you are a rare beast indeed to be able to read minds like you do." I didn't expect an answer, so I was surprised to hear the demon's voice:

"I… acquired the ability."

"Acquired like practiced, or acquired like came into physical possession?"

"Hn. The second one." I struggled with that thought. Magical amulet? Super-shoes? Gorgon's head? I was probably making interesting expressions, and Hiei frowned at me. I gave him a little grin. "Sorry – I'm just trying to figure out how that would work…"

"I can show you." Hiei was being unnaturally forthcoming. It was unusual, but I didn't want to stop him. He reached for the tie of his headband – magical cloth? – and started to untie it. He slowly removed the ever-present white headband. A third – vibrant purple – eye stared back at me from the center of Hiei's forehead. If I had seen it before I knew of demons I probably would have wigged out, but now…

"The Jagan Eye." He said, very softly. The purple color…

"That's how you saw my memories." I stated. I glanced to Hiei's eyes. "I remember seeing that color... I was surrounded by it when you were in my head."

I stared into the Jagan eye, and felt it stare back at me. It felt like it had a presence of its own, aside from Hiei's consciousness. I blinked, and it blinked. Where Hiei's normal eyes were deep and secretive, this eye was wide and inquisitive. The iris color was bright even in the near-darkness of the porch, and I smiled a little.

"It's looking at me. It's very… different. From the rest of you, I mean." Hiei grunted in confirmation. He was also starting at me as I leaned closer to his forehead. It didn't occur to me that I was intruding in his personal space, but he wasn't stopping me.

"Does it ever get lonely?" I asked quietly. "I mean, it didn't used to be a part of you – does it ever think of… before?"

"That's a stupid question."

"I don't think it's stupid." I huffed. There was a long pause, but he did reply.

"Sometimes." I nodded, and let the silence fall again. The eye continued to stare, and it moved independently of Hiei's eyes. It was a little unnerving, but as I continued to think of it as a separate entity it was a little less unsettling. I wondered if it had its own thoughts and desires – it was observing me on its own, to say the least.

A thought occurred to me.

"Does it close when it's under your headband?"

"Yes." He affirmed.

"Close it, please, just for a second."

"Why?" he asked suspiciously.

"Oh, just do it." I swatted him in the shoulder lightly. "Have a little faith." He looked at me dubiously, but slowly a lid lowered over the vibrant purple eye. I smiled, and started speaking to myself. "Now let's see… what kind of dreams will you have tonight?"

"I don't dream." Hiei interrupted, and I shushed him.

"Well, this isn't for you – now shush!" I put my hand on my chin, staring at the closed eye. "I think you should dream of the ocean. Hiei's head must be full of fire, so I'll give you the Pacific Coast of the Americas – cool and salty breezes and water breaking over ancient rock." I raised two fingers to my lips, and kissed them. Hiei watched me with intense eyes, but the Jagan eye stayed closed. I reached out to close the gap between us, and just touched the closed lid with my kissed fingers. "Have sweet dreams for me, lonely heart."

_Because I can't have them anymore._

Hiei kept staring at me even after I withdrew my hand. I was starting to feel silly.

"Um… I'm done?" He stared, then replaced the cloth over the closed Jagan. I stammered to fill the silence. "Usually you get two dreams, one for each eye, but there's only one… so… yeah." I finished lamely. Step back, diplomats, I can orate with the best of them.

"The power of the Jagan eye inspires fear in countless demons." He finally spoke, and I swear he was staring right into my soul at this point.

"Ok?" I didn't really get his point, so he clarified for me.

"You just kissed it goodnight." I smiled, and tilted my head a little.

"Yeah, I guess I did." I chuckled, but Hiei didn't join me. No surprise there. "It's never hurt me, and neither have _you_, really. You've left a few bruises, but I don't think you really meant to hurt me."

"You have no idea what I was thinking, onna." He snarled harshly. I tried not to take it personally.

"True, but you could have – could _still_ – have very easily killed me. Yet here I stand?" I spread my arms wide. Inspired by some ineffable moment, I reached out and gently brushed my fingertips across his cheek. "You won't hurt me; I think you care too much."

Hiei snapped back from me like I had just slapped him across the face. A few expressions flashed across his face faster than I could identify them, and finally settled on fury. Confused, I reached for him – to what end I never found out, because he snatched my arm, gripping my forearm so hard I thought I felt my bones grind together.

"Let me make this clear for you, _ningen_; you are only alive because laws forbid me from killing humans." He hissed, venom dripping from every word. His skin was hot, too hot, to the touch. That grip around my arm started to burn, and I swear I heard sizzling flesh.

"Hiei – you're hurting me!" I cried out, clawing at his hand. He shook me, and I shut up as he growled in my face.

"I mean you no kindness, and I would not have hesitated to kill you had we met in the Makai." He let go of my arm with a hard shove, and I toppled back on the porch, falling hard. "_You don't know me_."

I swallowed a whimper of pain as he glared me down.

"_Fuck you_." I hissed, cradling my burnt arm.

And he vanished.


End file.
